When the momentum builds up too much...

So, I would describe myself as a "highly sensitive person". I get easily overwhelmed, both from external stimuli and my own thoughts and feelings. This is compounded by ADHD (inattentive), in which my thoughts struggle to stay in one place, especially if there's a lot happening around me (squirrel!) This results in ongoing anxiety with fun spikes of shame throughout; sometimes just a background hum, sometimes paralyzingly crushing.

I have a lot of different tools to manage this. Meditation. Supportive morning mantras. Soothing music. Soft lighting. A plethora of therapy tricks, most recently a parts-work approach called the Completion Process. Most of the time, these are enough to bring the discomfort down.

But sometimes, as with the last few weeks, it becomes a war of attrition. For reasons I can't explain, or at least have little control over, the tension rises and won't come down. My parts work gives temporary relief, but seems to actually stir things up further come the next day. My other tools likewise offer only temporary relief. And over time, it just gets harder and harder to face the feelings at all, because they hurt too d*mn much. I find myself resorting to numbing activities, eating junk food and watching YouTube. Sometimes this helps, if I can accept that I need to let myself rest. This time, it too bred anxiety and shame. Then I tried to distract myself another way, with work (this worked last time), but that didn't relieve the pressure either.

My wife, bless her, does what she can, but she's hypersensitive and easily overwhelmed in her own way, so she has only so much energy to hold me and listen to me gripe. And the last few days have been so bad it's been hard even to talk to her, because doing so brings up shame that I'm adding to her own burden. Hell, I felt too ashamed even to write about it to you folks.

Things have eased down a bit this morning, enough to get this out on paper at least. I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for from y'all, other than a lil' empathy and a sharing of your own experiences. An electronic hug or two wouldn't hurt either. Thanks.

Hi. I, too, am a highly sensitive person. This makes the mental illnesses I bear more difficult to bear. So my heart goes out to you. Wish I could say more, but my mind is sort of in a mental fog this morning. Sorry.

Thank you Yaowen. Mental illness can be a massive drain on resources, so I really appreciate you taking the time to reach out. May the day bring you clarity.