Forward Momentum ...

Thank you, Skeezyks! ...

Yeah, well 10 days ago was 10 days ago ...

From there to here (totally despondent again) just like that!

It may be because I'm home sick, or the holidays, or whatever ...

But I'm tired of feeling like I will have to keep climbing this mountain over and over again with nary a hope of reaching the other side of it!

That's certainly brought my latest forward momentum to a grinding halt!

((( Pfrog23 )))

Thanks, Fuzzybear ...

Most likely it's just because I'm sick right now and low in spirit due to that.

Of course, with C-PTSD, it's also the nature of that beast as well.

One step forward, two steps back ...

Almost makes me forget how much progress I've actually made!

All hail the almighty Pfrog

Maybe try tunneling on through while mining gold along the way?

Just a thought from an old cripple-on-crutches refusing to give up...

That forward momentum will return. This is just part of the process. Ride it out... the other side will come.

I've been thinking about Pstd. I have a decades long battle with BP.
I'm going to get that book.
Sometimes a book will blast me to freedom for awhile. Then it wears off on me too.
Have you read "The power of Now? Emhart Tolle.

Sometimes in this little make believe world that I've created for myself, I think that if I ignore something long enough that it will magically disappear or go away or get better all on its own ... Unfortunately C-PTSD isn't one of these things ... It's a persistent pain in the @$$, and apparently the only choice I do have is whether or not I want to continue pursuing the one step forward two steps backwards healing process, and I find it to be quite exhausting at times!

As for now I've taken another permanent break from therapy to process this past year of newfound knowledge ... And, while grateful for this latest round of information, I find that while having some fresh psychoeducation to be kind of inspiring on the one hand, it totally pisses me off on the other because it really does nothing to remedy my situation or improve my circumstances ... Only promises of more hard work lays ahead ... I'm getting too old for this @#$%! ... My life has already passed me by, and quite frankly there doesn't seem to be much of a future for this old Pfrog, and it's got me pfeeling quite despondent at the moment ... Apologies to all, it's just where I'm at right now!

Today is new.
Be reborn without illness. No sadness.
Tonight look at the stars.

Some of my best days are when I accept the challenge and then document my findings for others coming along, but I can definitely relate to weary as well as wary.

(((Pfrog))),

I have my own small business and I do a lot with ponies and children. I have trained both ponies and children for many years. I have known from a very young age that a pony is NOT a baby horse. To me, it's so fundamental and basic. But, one thing I have come to learn is how a lot of people in all different classes and educated levels don't know the most basic. Also, these people have no idea what is involved with my part in how they get to experience my ponies and they tend to think ponies just come out of the box so to speak the way they are when they experience mine.

I know you struggle with complex PTSD and you have suffered because of the lack of knowledge of others be it parents, or siblings or different people that have crossed your path in life. Your personal traumas that you experienced where you suffer from triggers and all the symptoms that are so challenging mean is that you have experienced too many people that simply don't know HOW to respect others.

Now, anyone can spend a lot of time "learning" about what victim mentality is and what abuse and neglect means and does to a human being. But, that is a lot like me not only knowing the basic/fundamental about how a pony is not a baby horse, but also knowing a lot more and yet what I know is not going to change what others don't know. And in my case not only did others not know the very basics, but they could not even recognize the value of what I had and the value of what it took of my time to have the quality of ponies I had. After all, how could a person even begin to respect what I had when they don't even know the very fundamentals of what I had?

The same is true when someone develops PTSD, the most a lot of people know about the challenge of PTSD is "oh, you mean that thing our war vets come home with". So, in all the time you have put into learning and healing and understanding your own challenges, is not going to change the lack of knowledge and understanding of a lot of other people you come across in your life. That in itself can be triggering and lonely.

You have been fortunate that there have been other human beings that not only made it a point to learn how you struggle but have written books about it along with ways sufferers can gain more knowledge about how they suffer and develop ways of coping and managing the symptoms they struggle with. Yet, the world is full of people that will NEVER even think of reading these books or even think of understanding the fundamentals. Instead, the reality is that most people/human beings live in their own little worlds, even ones that are supposedly educated and can speak really well and write beautifully and have some kind of specialized way to thriving.

My therapist, actually two therapists now have told me to remember that just because a person happens to have letters after their name doesn't mean that person actually knows enough to understand and help "you". Well, this was after I reached out for help and instead of getting the help I needed I was diagnosed wrong and instead of being helped ended up only being hurt even more.

Actually, when I sit and think about my past, that was something that challenged me over and over again in my life. The individuals who were supposed to "know" how to teach, how to understand children, how to "help" and "understand" FAILED me. And unfortunately, I was blamed for THEIR LACK and INADEQUACIES.

So, my point in posting this to you is to remind you that no matter how old you are, the more you learn and know, it will increase your ability to recognize the more others simply do not know. So, what you need to develop is your understanding of developing a personal way of accepting what you cannot change that is actually understanding more about how so many people can be critical and hurtful. This is very difficult when someone struggles with the affects of PTSD that has resulted from this overall "lack of knowledge" in other people around us.

Thank you for that, Open Eyes ...

I do tend to get extremely despondent and discouraged, especially when I feel there is no one I can talk to about what it feels like to live with the complexities of Complex-PTSD ... I mean, PTSD is hard enough, but the added layers of C-PTSD is simply just too much sometimes ... And, to feel unable to talk about it to others because it would be too much for them to tolerate (and could quite possibly end up wounding them as well) makes for a lot of misunderstoodness ... Alas, if only understanding the intellectual aspect of it could actually heal the emotional aspect of it ... Kinda gets cold and lonely out here in Othernessville ... Yet, I know I'm not the only one living out here, and the saddest part of all is that those of us living out here in it are too afraid to connect with one another because of it ... Thus compounding the heartache and loneliness of it!