[Rachie]

Im slowly slipping into self destructive mode. This happens around the same time every year. Its weird. I hate it. When im in this mode i do alot of silly things and i dont care about the consequences. Im trying my hardest to fight my stupid and impulsive urges but it doesnt look good. M home alone with my son at the moment which is good because i cant go anywhere or do anything but i feel like im going insane i need to get out of the house. Ah i dont know what to do. I dont want to do silly things but it wont be long before my mind starts telling me what im doing is ok theres nothing to worry about. Its like the devil is sitting on my shoulder saying do it do it DO IT!! Ahh i need a gun so i can shoot myself!

[pegasus]

((((((( Rachie )))))))

You say this happens about the same time every year. There might be a clue in that. Working out what the trigger is can help. Is it an anniversary or birthday or a reminder of something that happened in the past at this time. Knowing the trigger means you can start to take better care of yourself in future.

[Rachie]

I dont think theres anything that triggers it. It just kind of happens. Its weird. I start off not happy but manageable then depressed then turn angry then self destructive then depressed again. Its a vicious cycle. I hope that makes sense

[a little Eccentric]

Originally Posted by Rachie

I dont think theres anything that triggers it. It just kind of happens. Its weird. I start off not happy but manageable then depressed then turn angry then self destructive then depressed again. Its a vicious cycle. I hope that makes sense

Rachie,

It makes sense to me,sounds kinda like I get, I get depressed and then very angry, I'm irritable and short with others even though I try hard not to be. Is this how u feel too? I know how hard it is to deal with. Are you getting help? I hope so, I' ve just recent started new med. Seems to be helping, with the angry feeling. Talking about how you feel helps too. I hope you can feel better soon.

A Little Eccentric

[bearchic34]

Concious or unconcious there IS a trigger if it happens at the same time of the year. You need to talk to your Dr or T about it. Maybe meds need to be upped just at this time of the year, until the bad thoughts pass. Be gentle with yourself but strong in your resolve. No guns allowed! ~hugs~

[tarabug922]

Hi there,

I wanted to suggest Seasonal Affective Disorder, you know it doesn't just happen in the winter months, it can strike at any time and if you're experiencing this every year at the same time with no external triggers I would guess that's what it is, though I am no doctor.

I want to say too there are resources for you. The national suicide hotline is 1-800-suicide. You can call them 24-7 and talk about anything, you don't have to be suicidal to call.

You can also place yourself in protective custody, I.E. the mental health facility until the urges pass. While there they may be able to start you on some medication to help combat the thoughts. I found Luvox particularly helped me in that area. I want you to be proactive this year and do something before it gets worse. Before you start giving in to the thoughts. Because the thoughts can take over and before you know it you're killing yourself and you're not able to stop. This has happened to me. I attempted suicide while on auto-pilot from all the negative thoughts. It was horrifying and there was nothing I could do, it was like I was watching myself do it with no ability to stop.

So I urge you to take preventative steps to keep yourself safe and well this year. See a psychiatrist and talk to them about SAD and your symptoms. And PM me if you want my phone number to talk.

Love and Hugs,
Tara