[Abby]

I need help with agitation. In the past i have been dx with agitated depression. Generally when i am depressed although i am in excruciating pain, i can hide it from other people and 'function'. However when i am agitated i find it very difficult to conceal it. I have had this agitation (on and off) for about 5 yrs and it has in the past caused me some hassle. I desperately do not want the same reputation i had at uni at my new work! But people are already starting to make remarks about it and i find it really embarrassing!

The difficulty is that when i'm agitated i become implusive, restless and irritating. I've been trying to figure out what triggers the agitation (in order to try and control it) and i feel it may be due to overstimulation e.g. too many people talking, busy places etc. I'm not sure why at some points i'm more affected by this than others but i'm wondering if maybe the neurons/neurotransmitters in my brain are firing wrongly. I have dyslexia - perhaps that could be a cause?

This is what i mean when i say i become agitated:

I feel as though i'm a coil just before it is released. The tension in my body is immense. This usually comes out as me fidgiting e.g. tapping my feet, moving constantly. I can be very irritable and get annoyed at the slightest things. Little things such as someone doing something a different way from how i would do it makes me really annoyed and i almost want to go up to them and shake them and ask 'why, why, why??'. My mind feels like it is whirling. I find other people very irritating because everything they do or say, i feel as if there is a neon sign flashing 'shut up...boring!!'. I feel as though noone can do/say anything to to fill up my brain. To others i either seem irritating or bubbly (although i have a feeling this is my friends putting it nicely to make me feel better!). I really hate being agitated because it makes me feel really on edge and i do/say things i don't want to. It is as though if something pops into my head i HAVE to say it, even if i know it is not a good/nice thing to say, otherwise it will spin round my head constantly.

It makes my senses go into hyper-drive. Everything i say or do, or anything anyone else says or does feels 10x bigger than normal. I feel brash and loud but i'm not sure if i really am. I get fixated on trivial things, e.g visually i seem to notice tiny details but they seem much bigger than normal and almost seem to be jumping at me and jeering. Obviously i know they are not, but this is what it feels like when i'm agitated.

I feel as though my brain is mis-firing millions of times a second. I don't mean to say i'm thinking lots, i'm not a particually anxious person (i don't have lots of negative thoughts etc), i actually feel my head is blank but my brain is still firing away. It creates a white noise in my brain, and i know this is due to the neurotransmitters mis-firing and not an auditory process. I don't hear the noise.

At its worst agitation can cause me to 'fly away' which is my way of saying i dissociate. There is too much sensory imput and my brain just cannot cope and i zone out. From the little i know about adhd i'd say i had that at times, but i know i don't because i was never like this as a child. Plus there are periods inbetween the depression and agitation when i can focus very well, its just these times are limited somewhat!

I really hate the agitation, it causes me discomfort and embarrassment. Does anyone else get like this? What do you do to reduce it? I'm not on any meds at the moment but I've been told that fish oil can help reduce the neurotransmitters firings.

[Beautiful_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Abby

I need help with agitation. In the past i have been dx with agitated depression. Generally when i am depressed although i am in excruciating pain, i can hide it from other people and 'function'. However when i am agitated i find it very difficult to conceal it. I have had this agitation (on and off) for about 5 yrs and it has in the past caused me some hassle. I desperately do not want the same reputation i had at uni at my new work! But people are already starting to make remarks about it and i find it really embarrassing!

The difficulty is that when i'm agitated i become implusive, restless and irritating. I've been trying to figure out what triggers the agitation (in order to try and control it) and i feel it may be due to overstimulation e.g. too many people talking, busy places etc. I'm not sure why at some points i'm more affected by this than others but i'm wondering if maybe the neurons/neurotransmitters in my brain are firing wrongly. I have dyslexia - perhaps that could be a cause?

This is what i mean when i say i become agitated:

I feel as though i'm a coil just before it is released. The tension in my body is immense. This usually comes out as me fidgiting e.g. tapping my feet, moving constantly. I can be very irritable and get annoyed at the slightest things. Little things such as someone doing something a different way from how i would do it makes me really annoyed and i almost want to go up to them and shake them and ask 'why, why, why??'. My mind feels like it is whirling. I find other people very irritating because everything they do or say, i feel as if there is a neon sign flashing 'shut up...boring!!'. I feel as though noone can do/say anything to to fill up my brain. To others i either seem irritating or bubbly (although i have a feeling this is my friends putting it nicely to make me feel better!). I really hate being agitated because it makes me feel really on edge and i do/say things i don't want to. It is as though if something pops into my head i HAVE to say it, even if i know it is not a good/nice thing to say, otherwise it will spin round my head constantly.

It makes my senses go into hyper-drive. Everything i say or do, or anything anyone else says or does feels 10x bigger than normal. I feel brash and loud but i'm not sure if i really am. I get fixated on trivial things, e.g visually i seem to notice tiny details but they seem much bigger than normal and almost seem to be jumping at me and jeering. Obviously i know they are not, but this is what it feels like when i'm agitated.

I feel as though my brain is mis-firing millions of times a second. I don't mean to say i'm thinking lots, i'm not a particually anxious person (i don't have lots of negative thoughts etc), i actually feel my head is blank but my brain is still firing away. It creates a white noise in my brain, and i know this is due to the neurotransmitters mis-firing and not an auditory process. I don't hear the noise.

At its worst agitation can cause me to 'fly away' which is my way of saying i dissociate. There is too much sensory imput and my brain just cannot cope and i zone out. From the little i know about adhd i'd say i had that at times, but i know i don't because i was never like this as a child. Plus there are periods inbetween the depression and agitation when i can focus very well, its just these times are limited somewhat!

I really hate the agitation, it causes me discomfort and embarrassment. Does anyone else get like this? What do you do to reduce it? I'm not on any meds at the moment but I've been told that fish oil can help reduce the neurotransmitters firings.

This is EXACTLY the way I am. However I do not know what it is. I have only just began to explore this and had my first pdoc appointment yesterday. Chaos drives me insane and irritates the living hell out of me. I will see people that I know in a store and if I'm having one of those days (which is quite often) I will completely dart in the other direction to avoid conversation. Because at these times I have to literally FORCE my speech. I don't know why.

I am looking for a diagnosis and I will be medicated for it. I have been this way since I can remember (I'm 30) and it has caused enough problems for me.

So I can totally relate and I'm sorry you are dealing with such an aggravated emotion. I know it sucks ...

[Pomegranate]

Your agitation sounds very familiar to me. I associate it with my depression. Sometimes I will feel more agitation than the feeling of depression, but when i'm on my meds for depression, the aggitation is much better also.

I have PTSD and Major Psychotic Depression and I have to be on meds for the rest of my life. Irritability and agitation are the first signs that my depression is worsening, or my meds need changing. If I ignore that I end up with paranoid delusional thinking and next I get very suicidal. So I would suggest you go see pychiatrist or a psychologist and get a proper diagnosis and medication if needed.

[Amazonmom]

I've been there with the agitated depression. For me it means that my brain is trying to switch states. I am guaranteed to be hypomanic within a couple weeks of the agitated depression happening. The agitated depression itself is awful.

Meds really help me with that. Meds help more than I thought they could.



I will be cheering for you.

Originally Posted by Abby

I need help with agitation. In the past i have been dx with agitated depression. Generally when i am depressed although i am in excruciating pain, i can hide it from other people and 'function'. However when i am agitated i find it very difficult to conceal it. I have had this agitation (on and off) for about 5 yrs and it has in the past caused me some hassle. I desperately do not want the same reputation i had at uni at my new work! But people are already starting to make remarks about it and i find it really embarrassing!

The difficulty is that when i'm agitated i become implusive, restless and irritating. I've been trying to figure out what triggers the agitation (in order to try and control it) and i feel it may be due to overstimulation e.g. too many people talking, busy places etc. I'm not sure why at some points i'm more affected by this than others but i'm wondering if maybe the neurons/neurotransmitters in my brain are firing wrongly. I have dyslexia - perhaps that could be a cause?

This is what i mean when i say i become agitated:

I feel as though i'm a coil just before it is released. The tension in my body is immense. This usually comes out as me fidgiting e.g. tapping my feet, moving constantly. I can be very irritable and get annoyed at the slightest things. Little things such as someone doing something a different way from how i would do it makes me really annoyed and i almost want to go up to them and shake them and ask 'why, why, why??'. My mind feels like it is whirling. I find other people very irritating because everything they do or say, i feel as if there is a neon sign flashing 'shut up...boring!!'. I feel as though noone can do/say anything to to fill up my brain. To others i either seem irritating or bubbly (although i have a feeling this is my friends putting it nicely to make me feel better!). I really hate being agitated because it makes me feel really on edge and i do/say things i don't want to. It is as though if something pops into my head i HAVE to say it, even if i know it is not a good/nice thing to say, otherwise it will spin round my head constantly.

It makes my senses go into hyper-drive. Everything i say or do, or anything anyone else says or does feels 10x bigger than normal. I feel brash and loud but i'm not sure if i really am. I get fixated on trivial things, e.g visually i seem to notice tiny details but they seem much bigger than normal and almost seem to be jumping at me and jeering. Obviously i know they are not, but this is what it feels like when i'm agitated.

I feel as though my brain is mis-firing millions of times a second. I don't mean to say i'm thinking lots, i'm not a particually anxious person (i don't have lots of negative thoughts etc), i actually feel my head is blank but my brain is still firing away. It creates a white noise in my brain, and i know this is due to the neurotransmitters mis-firing and not an auditory process. I don't hear the noise.

At its worst agitation can cause me to 'fly away' which is my way of saying i dissociate. There is too much sensory imput and my brain just cannot cope and i zone out. From the little i know about adhd i'd say i had that at times, but i know i don't because i was never like this as a child. Plus there are periods inbetween the depression and agitation when i can focus very well, its just these times are limited somewhat!

I really hate the agitation, it causes me discomfort and embarrassment. Does anyone else get like this? What do you do to reduce it? I'm not on any meds at the moment but I've been told that fish oil can help reduce the neurotransmitters firings.

[nightbird]

(((Abby))))

There is nothing better than having a therapist to guide you thru these pitfalls, and the ups and downs...

It goes for cancer and serious illness as much as mental health and emotional difficulties.

Havng a therapist, or some form of self-help otherwise, like yoga and groups, can make a world of difference.



Peace and support,
Nightbird,
xoxoxo

[Abby]

Thanks everyone.

Beautiful_Disaster - sounds like you really can relate! Perhaps you may have agitated depression too? I know what you mean about avoiding conversation, i generally do when i'm agitated because i know it'll just wind me up further. It is though something in my brain wants to niggle and run circles around the other person and triumphantly shout 'ah ha you see what you said makes no sense, please do not talk unless you are going to say something useful as it is a waste of good oxygen!'. How awful is that?! Do you feel you have an awareness of how you act? I do, but if i don't do what my body/mind wants to do/say i feel even more tense. Let me know what you diagnosis is, and good luck with the treatment, you deserve the peace of mind!!

Pomegranate - you hit the nail on the head, i hate the depression periods but it is the agitation that feels more out of control. I've never mentioned these feelings of agitation to any drs, but i'm guessing it was evident at the time of being diagnosed. To be honest i'm not sure what my actual diagnosis is, i've heard clinical depression, agitated depression, depression with some psychotic features, recurrent depression. I generally say its agitated depression so that people understand that i can be depressed without looking like someone with melancholic depression. Besides it doesn't seem to make any difference what they call it, they just hand me some pills and say good luck! The problem is whichever depression they want to say it is, it is not a stable one and therefore i can't overly count on myself not to be self-destructive. E.g. recently i was on ADs for approx 1yr but then my mood twisted downwards and i got angry and decided to just quit everything cold turkey in some random rebellion. Unfortunately no dr seems to believe this because i seem so responsible! Thankyou for your help. It is really good that you have perspective on your mood now.

Amazonmom - thank you for understanding. The agitated depression is horrid isn't it?! It is negative energy. I've been trying to notice patterns in my depression periods also but once i get out of a slump i generally don't want to remember being in it and i find i'm very much in the mood of the present so sometimes cannot remember being that depressed. I am well known for my convenient forgetfulness! It sounds like meds are helpful. Do you do anything else to help calm yourself during the agitation? Thanks for the support!

Nightbird - thankyou! I have a therapist, i've been going for about 5 months now. The difficulty i find is remaining consistant with it. When i'm severely depressed i cannot communicate at all and i don't feel anyone can help me. When i'm feeling fine i don't have anything to say . And when i'm agitated i just want to spend the whole time yelling at her, and bound around in my head like a ping pong ball. I always turn up but we do seem to dance around the houses and i don't always feels she gets how up and down i can be. She asks what the issues i want to resolve are but it changes depending. I've never tried yoga before, i don't think i'm all that flexible but i've heard many people advocate it so i may just try.

[Beautiful_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Abby

Thanks everyone.

Beautiful_Disaster - sounds like you really can relate! Perhaps you may have agitated depression too? I know what you mean about avoiding conversation, i generally do when i'm agitated because i know it'll just wind me up further. It is though something in my brain wants to niggle and run circles around the other person and triumphantly shout 'ah ha you see what you said makes no sense, please do not talk unless you are going to say something useful as it is a waste of good oxygen!'. How awful is that?! Do you feel you have an awareness of how you act? I do, but if i don't do what my body/mind wants to do/say i feel even more tense. Let me know what you diagnosis is, and good luck with the treatment, you deserve the peace of mind!!

Exactly ... My boyfriend has ADHD ... and talks too much lol! Consider THAT with my agitation. He is medicated for it now and doing MUCH better. But I use to ask him a question and his answer would last freakin 20 minutes ... when I "got it" in the first 5 seconds lol! Now that was torture. He still does it sometimes but not nearly as often. I have felt like literally twisting his head smooth off a few times lol.

Yes I am pretty aware of how I act. Like the expression ... I have no stop sign between my brain and mouth. And if I try to refrain I feel like I'm about to explode. And sometimes even reflect back and feel bad for being so harsh.

[Amazonmom]

The last time I had the agitated depression was a few years ago. I wasn't getting any help back then. My way of handling it was to isolate myself except for meals, hygiene, and class.

I seem to have skipped the agitation stage during my last cycle. I think the meds had a LOT to do with that. Therapy is helping, but I think the meds really helped with the intrusive thoughts and agitation.