[Abby]

I just got back from my 2nd pdoc appt. It was useless. I have lost all faith in the NHS system.

I do not feel drs ever listen. They take copious amounts of notes but never actually listen!

I was told there was 2 concepts/ways of dealing with the difficulties i have, the first was the psychiatric model which is a combination of meds and therapy and the second is simply just therapy. To me that is not 2 models, just simply one with a 2 prong approach and the other single!!

I expressed dismay in his 'diagnosis' and treatment plan because i don't think he gets that i get angry and agitated as well as plain depressed. And i'm not about to take an AD just because that is the model of treatment they use! I've done that before, i'm not neive enough to think that is the answer. I wouldn't mind so much if he said it was a process of finding the right med/combo of meds but i got the feeling he was fobbing me off again with ADs.

I'm an angry person. Do they not listen to me when i say i am self-destructive and will take more than i should if i feel like it?

Besides why can't they actually recommend a treatment for me personally instead of telling me about two abstract concepts and letting me decide? I don't mind discussing it with him, but i need to know what he would recommend based on all her heard. I don't care about the theory - i just want to get better!!

Why do they feel they can say just because i express real concerns about 3 previous ADs not working in the past that it is okay just to skip them then and go onto the 2nd model and just do therapy. Do they think i am actually strong enough to cope, even though i tell them my life is beyond stagment at the moment, and i'm very self destructive at the best of times? Does he actually think i have the stamina to wait another 8 month on the waiting list?!

Why do they not listen that i'm not new to this, i'm not going to be taken in and not question anything they say like i did when i was younger. I'm not going to take the first thing they suggest, i've been down that road before so i want to discuss any meds i take or any step i take before i say i'll give it a try.

Why can't they understand my anger stops me from believing he gives a d*mn.

Why is it made to feel like this depression, this anger, this agitation is my fault, that i've learnt life skills wrong and that is the reason i'm depressed and out of control. That i'm flawed in dealing with my emotions??!

Do people not hear that i'm an angry person and i can become out of control? Am i so articulate they believe i'm somehow immune to making stupid decisions?

What a waste of my time! He made another appt because i became so angry and refused any treatment by that time from HIM! Time for me and him to think things over.

Yeh right. I only made that appt because my parents were in the room and urged me too.

The worst thing is that i barely cope as it is and he's triggered me so much.

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Abby --

I agree that it can be hard to get doctor's to listen and take care. I had to get my latest dr. to write the same prescription three times, because she kept making errors. That's really so little compared to what you are going through. I'm sorry. Hugs and hugs.

[Abby]

You're right it is disgusting. I have tried on countless occasions to get help and have been turned away every single time. Sometimes i think because i'm female, young, educated, from a good family background, that they just assume i'm a hypochondiac. As long as i appear to be coping that is good enough for them.

I am NOT coping. I totally and utterly give up on the mental health service, it has offered me nothing but more pain. Only this forum and other people with difficulties seem to acknowledge anything i say.

I think people should know the truth - going to your dr won't change anything, they'll prescribe you a med and then send you on your way!

They are useless.

[trevorzero]

It's been my experience that most therapists are mediocre people, with very little talent for the job. Plus, most of them are greedy and lazy.

The path that I chose was to make an enduring effort to develop my overall mental and philosophical awareness. I studied the books of Carlos Castaneda and other writers. Eventually, I enhanced my awareness to the degree that I realized what pipsqueaks these so-called experts were. Are all my problems solved? Absolutely not. But at least I don't waste my time and money on know-nothing docs.

Unfortunately, I can totally relate. I also have the added misfortune of being a (medically-suspended) medstudent which, b4 i was suspended, added to the 'of course you must be coping!', and means they think i feel i know better than them and deliberately go out of my way to prove their treatment doesnt work. I'm due to see psychiatrist number 6 next week after it crashed & burned with my last pdoc, and i'm on med no6 which does diddly squat for my mood.

Oh, and i totally agree with the 8month wait for therapy - I was put on it 8 months ago (as i was told) and now just found out that i wasnt put on the list at all!!! Grrrr! Private therapy is expensive, but mental health service is the cinderella service of the NHS and they just dont have the resources.

I guess what i'm trying to say, in my round-about rambling way! lol, is that i still try to have hope. As a student I've worked with good Drs and even good pdocs, who've been interested in hearing what their patients say and working together to find a suitable treatment. I'm just struggling to meet them as a patient!! Hopefully the next one is a keeper *fingers crossed*, tho she is a woman pdoc so i'm hoping her communication skills are going to be better than all the male pdocs i've seen. Also look out for charities in your area that offers reduced/free therapy - i've just started counselling with a charity that helps young women who self-harm, which is free.

Lots of

*Willow*

[(JD)]

(((Abby))) so sorry to hear that you're upset at what was offered as a path out of your anger, that you feel you aren't being given a choice. Since you have had negative results with a few antidepressants, it is possible that you won't have good results from them. However it has been shown that after 6 months of either medication or psychotherapy, that the patients are equally better.

Why not try the therapy path? Sorry if I missed something important, I'm not staying focused well lately (because of my aging mother's ill health.) Certainly you must know by now that anger is a component of depression, and is treatable. Depression is telling you there's no hope of finding a doctor and a way to get out of the place you are... I hope you realize that's irrational.

[wind]

Abby--

I am so sorry to hear you feel so discouraged about your options. I don't know what to tell you. I do know that people do manage to get their symptoms enough into a manageable form that quality of life improves.

Please don't give up. Continue your quest to find a doctor or therapist who really hears you and offers you help with both the depression and the agitation.

Take care,

wind

[Soidhonia]

Abby. I am sorry that you are struggling with all of these issues at the moment. Unfortunately, at times, it is hard for educated people to feel that they are getting appropriate treatment from their therapists, because their circumstances in life may appear somewhat comprehensible and validated by being educated and in control. Yet being in control, and having issues related to control, may be the main issue that the client or person is looking for therapy to help them with. Stress, anxiety, Anger, and depression, are needs that need to be addressed in therapy, and if you seem educated or in control, a lot of your issues that you are having may become overlooked, or pushed aside in therapy, and that causes a mistrust issue with you in getting the help you need, and feeling that you are not being taken seriously, or that you are being misunderstood which in turn just causes more mistrust and anger. It sometimes is just a vicious cycle until you start therapy, and really start giving therapy a chance to change a lot of negativity of previous therapies, where you may have felt ignored or that the therapist just Did Not Get It. Feeling alone and feeling that the only option is medication because therapy did not work in the past is a bad feeling as well. I hope things get better soon for you, and you find a Happy Medium in all of this to try to unravel all of the feelings that you are having at this time. Everyone deserves to feel better with help, and I hope you find that Peace. Take care Abby. I am glad that you are here to share your burdens. Soidhonia

[Wants2Fly]

By writing this, I am not denying that some of us have had bad experiences with therapists. I've met some that were idiots. Like the one who had a anger tantrum when I declined his services after first visit and started screaming at me as I went out the door.

On the other hand, in some of my darkest hours, a wonderful, wonderful therapist maintained contact with me, even after I moved all alone to another city. And I found a second, very decent caring man in that city, at a United Way agency, who also made a big difference in my life and sanity. He, too, offered to keep in touch when I was moving on.

It is very hard to keep moving when we are in the depths of depression. I think there's probably no one-size-fits-all therapist. Someone who is very good with one kind of client may have no empathy with another type. It's almost like the chemistry of falling in love.

I truly hope that those of you have had bad experiences also find those caring individuals to balance your perspective. Wishing you all that's good and lotsa hugs.

[Fuzzybear]

[Abby]

Thanks everyone, this forum has just again confirmed that it is full of wise, caring people. I honestly do not know where i'd be without it...i don't post a lot but over the years it has really helped knowing i have somewhere to go where people not only give a darn but also have good advice to give!

Trevorzero - i have to say i agree with your assessment of therapists. The few i have met have rarely shown any true understanding of the pain of depression and some seem to do the bare minimum to get through. I have tried in the past to help myself through philosphical understanding, but i often get to the point where i cannot read anymore because it scares me of the extent of my lack of understanding. It seems the more i learn, the more i realise what i don't know! I find that difficult. But i believe you are right about drs, they have their uses but more often than not, are a waste of time.

WeepingWillow - ouch, onto your 6th dr, you must have the patience of a saint! I honestly believe if a person doesn't show any outward signs of being depressed but/and are able to articulate that they are depressed, drs usually assume this means that you 'feel low' not depressed. I'm not really someone that has dramatic displays of emotions, i generally try and cope with it all, so i guess when i say i feel on the edge i kinda expect people to sit up and take notice, and it is crushing when they don't realise how serious i am.
Tell me about the waiting list for therapy. I've been on it before but it took so long i moved cities and was told i had to start all over again. I think i'm still on a waiting list somewhere.
Best of luck with your treatment, i hope this time it is successful and you are able to return to your studies.

Sky - thanks for your support. I guess you are right that after 3 attempts at ADs it probably isn't going to be the best course of action again. I have been in private therapy for 5 months, i cannot say it is that helpful. Perhaps it is my therapist, but most probably it is my anger issues that cause the problem. I know the anger is a component of the depression but it isn't something i have had to deal with for years. The last time i became irrationally angry was when i was a teenager. I feel as though i've taken 3 steps backwards! I want to say that my thinking is irrational, i truly do, but everything seems so bleak it is difficult to think anything else.
((((Sky)))) Take care of yourself, it sounds like you are under a great deal of stress at the moment.

Wind - thankyou for your care and concern, it means a lot! I really hope that you are right because each day is a real burden at the moment. (((hugs)))

Soidhonia - you're absolutely right, i have lots of issues regarding control. I'm incrediably good at reading other peoples body language and facial expressions and thus can easily manipulate situations to avoid things i want to. It took yrs for my own parents to realise this but they are now more able to know when i'm doing this. This can be both frustrating and/or liberating, depending on how exhausted i am. For me in the short term it is easier to pretend to be okay and avoid emotional scenes. This can cause difficulties in therapy. I once spent weeks trying to explain SH or suicidal ideation but it was only when a family member contacted her to say i was SH'ing that my therapists put 2 and 2 together. It leaves me exasperated! And angry. It leaves me feeling that there is something i am doing wrong. It leaves me feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong with me that people never ever seem to get it.
Thank you so much for caring, your support really matters to me.

Wants2Fly - It is really good to hear from someone who has actually found a good therapist/dr. I think it can really get to people who are already struggling so much to have to fight to get proper treatment too. I say time and time again to my family that if it weren't for their support, both emotionally and practically in getting me appts, i seriously would not have made it to where i am.

(((Fuzzybear)))) thank you for always caring.