[speedycoffeebean]

I feel like a failure sometimes. I have had severe bouts of depression for years (due to my low self esteem & abuses )
I have been In a relationship that I know is unhealthy...When things were going well,I was great. Now that they are not , I'm a mess. I know in my heart I am better off without this manipulative man that takes my weaknesses and uses it against me and messes with my mind. But even thow I know it's what I should do for my sake and my peace of mind....It makes me soooo depressed. I took xanax last night just to knock me out so I wouldn't think about him. Tonight I couldn't take a pill cuz I have to work in the morning. and it makes me real groggy. But I can't sleep, he keeps creeping up in my head and he wont go away. it's 3 oclock in the morning right now and i have to get up at 6 !!!
How can I get these thoughts out of my head,the sad lonely feeling, the hoplessness , the desperation, and the what if's ?
I've decided not to call him or talk to him because I know it's not good for me. I figured he would reach out to me. But it's been over 2 weeks and not even a text to see if i'm ok.
HE knows i have depression and anxiety problems. Does he think this makes it any better for me ?
I just hate the low feeling i get, and then the angry feeling, and then the restless feeling. No man should be worth going threw all this. I know this, but it's making me crazy,and affecting my health. I just don't know what to do to get these negative feelings out of my head. Does anyone have any advice ?

Thanks

[leacon]

Sweetie I am glad you are posting and getting these feelings out. That is probably one of the most positive things you can do. Also I am glad you know better than try seeing him again. Abusive relationships are not worthwhile to keep up with. Stay strong

[speedycoffeebean]

Originally Posted by leacon

Sweetie I am glad you are posting and getting these feelings out. That is probably one of the most positive things you can do. Also I am glad you know better than try seeing him again. Abusive relationships are not worthwhile to keep up with. Stay strong

It's hard sometimes to think of this as a somewhat abusive relationship....only because everything started out so good and possitive. I always think back on that and i'm always hoping things will go back to the way they were. sometimes this all seems like a big fat colossal joke. and i'm the punch line. But it's very hard right now. but i know it might get easier over time...I really fell in love with him too. Sometimes I think i'm destined to be alone. And that's a shame. too many people put your worth as a person based on what kind of job you have and how many wonderful things you have. He's always made sure I knew how much the one before had and gave him. I don't have a pot to pee in,,,and the people in my group therapy don't really seem to help me feel better half the time....But thank you so much for listening to me. !!!!

[schitzo-girl626]

i feel for you, i am also in a relationship like that,(he is in prison at the moment) i have the same symptoms, except not everyday while he is gone. i have tried to break it off many times and always return to him?????i think i love him,as i have tried to move past him and cannot.i dont know what to say, to help. love is blind? or that beauty is in the eyes of the looker? or we are so insecure, we need this kind of love? the more i try to figure things out ,the more confused i seem to get. i say men are not worth all of it also. so why do i keep wanting to go back to him? i just dont know any answers, and i do know we are all differant and all relationships are differant. all our needs are differant. i hope only the best for you, and me too.

[justfloating]

Not many words just now, but I wanted you to know I read your post and I understand how you feel. Take care of yourself.