[coco8199]

My fiance and his mother do not get along. She is the most insane person I've ever met. For five years I've had to witness the way she mentally abuses him. She kicks him out of the house all the time. My fiance and I don't have many friends so there aren't really many places that he can go when he gets kicked out. Since we are getting married in Sept he wants to cut all ties with his mom and leave for good this time. He asked one of our friends "A" if he could move in with him until he found a place of his own. A at first said that he didn't mind but my fiance wanted to let him think about it for a few days. A told him the next day that he didn't know how he could handle being around me if he moved in because A is pretty sure that I hate him. It couldn't be any further from the truth. A is one of the only friends that I have. I know that he is in a lot of pain right now because he lost his mom and grandmom in a car accident and his sister moved away. He's living on his own and has even fewer friends than I do... and I don't have many. He also has a crush on my former college roommate who is someone who will just use you and toss you aside. I've seen her do it to many guys and I don't want him to get hurt. I see the way she only calls him when her boyfriend can't come visit or when she wants someone to by her dinner. Whenever I try to reach out to him and try to talk to him he just avoids my questions. This really bothers me. I understand that he has things that he has to deal with but I'm only trying to help when I talk to him. I got really frustrated with him a few weeks ago and snapped at him. Now he thinks I hate him. Now my fiance has to continue living in an extremely unhealthy environment, and I just feel like everything is my fault. I tried to talk to A on aol but he just signed off after I sent him a message. I just feel like I've destroyed everything. I've joked with A for years just like I'm one of the guys (since all my friends are guys) and I think he thinks I don't like him because of it and because I snapped at him. Maybe I don't deserve friends. Maybe I shouldn't go around other people because it just seems that every friend I make, I end up making a mess of things.

I've been depressed for months now and it just seems like I'm making things worse and worse for everyone around me. I just feel like no matter what I do I mess things up.

Sorry for this post... I just needed to get it off my chest.

Hey, don't apologize. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but the feelings of guilt you are having are the lies told by the voice of depression. You have to realize that when people are suffering the way you are, and I believe that "A" is, tempers can flare. Take your actions for example. You are depressed and he frustrated you. That tends to push one to the point of lashing out. Erase depression from the equation and you have a situation that would have been easily resolved. To bad we can't just erase our feelings. The lashing our... not your fault. Did it help? Probably not, but again it's not your fault that you're depressed. Now lets look at his reaction. He's suffering from what seems like some situational depression from his terrible loss and from lonliness due to the absence of his sister. He's very vulnerable right now and to him every friend counts. When your emotions flared, it scared him. He's been hurt and probably is afraid of what further hurt would do. That's probably why he logged off when you tried to IM him. Make no mistake, I'm not trying to show your fault, but yather your innocence. If you can look at the situation from a neutral point of view and see where the breakdown occured and put yourself in both sets of shoes, you can see that this is a typical arguement between friends complicated by depression on both ends. No fault to be found in my eyes. He might need a little time though. Maybe you coulde have your fiance talk to "A" for you. Maybe he could let "A" know that you don't hate him and in fact, you are sorry that the incident happened and would very much like to remain his friend. Just a thought. I'm so very sorry that you're feeling this way. I frequent the pit of despair myself and I know as well as anyone that it's no picnic. Please take care of yourself.

Ry

[coco8199]

My fiance's mom checked herself into a psych hospital last night. I hope she gets the help she needs.

I talked to my fiance about A and the aol incident. He told me that A signed off because I booted him out of final fantasy not because he didn't want to talk to me. This makes me feel better.

I just wish I could get the negative feelings out of my head.