my whole world has just collapsed

I am writing this as I am feeling completely devastated.
I went back to work this morning after a sick leave to be confronted by my bosses about work that I had not done going back years. They were right, there is 20% of my work I did not do properly and I could not defend myself since I am guilty of what they accuse me of. They told me to go home and they will call me, I was only supposed to go back for 2 days this week and 3 days...and so on. When they confronted me I did not know what to say, they are right and I do not have the energy or the mental capacity right now to correct the situation.
I lost all confidence in that company and its officers a while back and now they have lost confidence in me and I feel I cannot go back there...but I need a job...my options are to quit or have them fire me...
I brought all this on to myself and now I really dont have a life, I am completely empty, shattered. Why does life have to be so hard???
I gave a lot to that company over many years but I guess one mistake and there goes everything...

That unexpected punch in the gut hurts every time.
I was told when one door closes another will open....I'm still waiting...

As a frog of little brain I'm not sure this will help.
First, decide if you really want to go back there to work. I know it's not a simple yes or no but try.

Second, if you haven't heard from your employer by next week call them. They will never remember to call you back.

Either present them with a plan for how you will correct the work or work habit that cause the problem now that you have been treated for your illness . . or

Ask if they will provide a positive evaluation of you work ethic over the # of years you have worked for them before becoming ill.

Be ready to provide examples either way and ready to seek other employment with a prepared resume before you call.

I had something similar happen to be when I first became ill. Unfortunately I lost my memory and could no longer perform the work I was hired to do. Now I have trouble with simple reading, writing and arithmetic let alone programming and data analysis. I have been placed disability as a result.

It is a rough situation to be in. Just convince yourself to be prepared, be the action part of the equation not the reactive part.

I hope things work out for you.

Sounds like what happened to me just before I went onto disability retirement. That feeling of lower self esteem because of a job can be devastating. Maybe you should also see if Canada has some kind of disability you can go on for a while. Good Luck and remember your job is not your life you are worth a lot more.

A new job could be the best thing for you anyway. Be prepared to have this chapter of your life be over and done with. Walk away and look to the future. Scary? Yes, it is.

I worked at Teledyne for 20 years and it all went to hell in a handbasket in 6 months.....I'm so much in tune with you....because I've been there too...idontknow13......It's been 2years and I'm trying to cope....Yeah, when you relate to a........ like bosses. They will come out ahead....But not in the future!!

(((idontknow)))

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They only noticed that 20 percent now? If a nurse at my job wasn't doing 20 percent of her job, she would be let go right away, not kept around for years!

Something smells funny there to me. I would get a new job no matter what at this point.

Hang in there because we all make mistakes. I know it's hard to think about this, but there are other jobs and if you've lost faith in the company and vice versa, then maybe even though it will be difficult you may need to reevaluate your situation and put yourself out there to do something else. Take it one step at a time and focus on what you can do now and not the past mistakes.

PSJ

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Don't quit your job let them fire you. If you ever have to apply for disability failed job attempts based on medical or mental problems is suppose to help you get disability.