[bananasarecool]

I'm constantly thinking well what is the point? why? and feeling just... utterly exhausted. defeated. crap. but the evenings are the worst, and i dont completely get why. im tiredest in the morning but its when im lying down in bed unable to sleep (which happens pretty much every night... depression has affected my sleep pretty badly, it takes anything from half an hour to two or three, and then i wake up a lot at night) when i think im at most of a risk to myself, if that makes sense.
Its like... i just think about nothing other than why im still even going when everythings so dark... how crap life is... how hard it is... and then how i want to end it.
The thing is i think i shouldnt end it. but i feel like i should. its fairly confusing... logic and emotions seem to work differently when you really try to think about it... for me anyways.
but yeah, its like.. the whole late at night wide awake part that confuses me. Is it because im not focusing on anything else? is there any way to not get like this? im trying everything under the sun to get to sleep easier but it doesnt seem to work, and i cant get meds to help with my sleep because yet again, my age is an issue. i know that depression is always hard but its so frustrating being patronized and being treated differently because im not an adult.
i'd really appreciate any help :]
x

[daggy]

Hi Bananas
Life is a very scary business to be in especially at night
At your age there are so many things happening that you need 26 hours in a day to get them all done. So have you looked at some of he things you do during the day and then plan your day so the morning is the getting ready part noon is full go and then ease back till bed time and then instead of worrying about sleep all night and all the things that go on after dark just say to your body " time to relax and turn off for 8 hours " . It might sound silly but just have the attitude of you controlling your body not your body controlling you.
A positive attitude in life helps heaps even when your facing the demons of the long night.
There is a whole world out here waiting for you so try and be happy .

[perhapsbelligerent]

night time thinking is probably more dangerous to one's health than smoking.

remember, thought process usually does change come the morning. i know, getting there can be alot more of a burden than one can put in mere words, but it always will be there.

oh and to answer your question, yes, constantly.

[tarabug922]

Bananasarecool,

You could try Valerian root for sleep. You can get it over the counter at Boots I'm sure or at a health store that sells vitamins. It's what they make valium from so it's potent. Only one pill is needed to put you to sleep.

Also, the number for the suicide hotline in England is 08457 909090
just in case you need it.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[Naturefreak]

I've been dealing with depression too for eight years now and cannot shake it.
They say you have to want to change , meds can only do so much. Change into
what , I'm ill ,this is a disease . Learn how to cope . If you fall down , get back
up . Sorry for being so negative , that's not what you need to hear . You came
here for support . I just hope I can learn something from others on this site that
will give me courage and strength to be able to help others cause I'm certainly
not helping myself. I just can't see that light at the end of the tunnel.
I guess there's always someone worse off than yourself. I don't know . This
is Hell . Don't know how much more I can take. Take Care .

[justfloating]

((((((((bananasarecool))))))))

The problem for me is that certain thoughts seem to get "stuck" in my head. Maybe it's because during the day I have to actively repress a lot of my depressive thinking in order to function/appear normal to others, and then at night when I don't have any reason to repress them, they go into overdrive. What helps for me is if I can't sleep, I stop trying. Lying there thinking about how awful life is is simply not a way I want to spend my time. I journal a lot, but I tend to resist actually doing it -- my counsellor says that writing is my coping mechanism and probably has been for most of my life -- because when the depression is at its worst and I need to release those thoughts really badly, that's when I'm physically incapable of getting dressed, much less lifting a pen. But eventually, if I don't write things down -- if I don't find some way to get them OUT -- then I start to feel like I'm going to burst. It's a little like relieving a little bit of pressure in my head, and once it's all on paper, outside of myself, I find I can usually get to sleep. And if I can't, then I turn the light back on and pick up writing where I left off, sometimes repeating everything I just said.

Maybe what you need is some way to get those thoughts out of yourself? Is there anything creative you like to do, like writing or music or art? Maybe you could start a journal or a blog, or if you have a T (or anyone else you trust) you could write them letters, which you don't necessarily have to send (if you're in a pinch you can also PM me whenever you like ). The other thing you might try is exercise -- I like to go to the gym and "beat" the depression out of myself, which basically means exhausting myself physically so that by the time bedtime rolls around, I'm too tired to think. If you find any way of physically expressing how you're thinking or feeling, you may get just enough relief from your thoughts to fall asleep.

Keep us posted on how things are going for you.

[ecdrewello1]

Mostly I have the opposite problem... I sleep too much and loose out on living my life because I am either working or in bed. My living space is a disaster, my appearance is shameful, I almost never have groceries in the kitchen... but occasionally I have a sleepless night and it's because I'm thinking about something that's really been bothering me or I don't let myself relax properly at the end of my day. I keep really, really, really weird hours so the end of my day can some anywhere on the clock. My best advice is if your body is not tired then don't TRY and go to sleep. I work at a McDonald's and so taking orders for 8-12 hrs can get really repetitive, and after a stressful day I''m still hearing "customers" order food in my head when I'm trying to sleep... I just get mad at them and realize they're not really there and they're not important and I decide I'm gonna sleep rather than worry about them.
You know that you can get free streaming college courses off the internet? Try and find something you know will be way over your head or compleatly boring to you.. like chemical plastics in the modern era... or the best of Chaucer... try and pay really close attention to what the proff is saying and I garuntee you'll be out like it's nothing. There's nothing more relaxing than sleeping durring a borning lecture! and no guilt because you don't have to worry about getting graded! I also use melatonin or sometimes 2 benadryl (both over the counter) to get me to sleep if I'm really wound up and NEED sleep (been more than 48 hrs w/o a nap)... but since I have an oversleep issue it ususally puts me out for too long so I have to make sure I don't need to work in the next 12-14 hrs after I do that or I won't make it to work on time. *^_^

[ben10]

Originally Posted by bananasarecool

The thing is i think i shouldnt end it. but i feel like i should. its fairly confusing... logic and emotions seem to work differently when you really try to think about it... for me anyways.

i'd really appreciate any help :]
x

yes, this person does too. And they get through it. day by day- hour by hour- minute to minute if that what it takes. I have dealt with depression since childhood, it was left untreated/diagnosed 35yrs. now i am clean and sober/medicated and still struggle at times- remember, it's the 'dis-ease', not you doing the talking. I find find, just as you said- the rights to overule the wrong ones. A time when logic kicks in and reminds you that this condition is treatable.

If you can't sleep- get out of the bed.

hope this helps- you're never alone.

[kebsfroggy]

(((( bananasarecool ))))

I now take meds to help me get to sleep and keep me that way. It took several tries to get the right combination of pill and dosage. There were times I was sure I was never going to get it right.

At first I wasn't sleeping at all, maybe a couple of hours if lucky. The success in getting past this part finally happened.

Then I could get to sleep and rather quickly. Unfortunately my body doesn't react to meds as it is suppose too. Perhaps that's because I'm a frog.

I would fall asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. I slept soundly for at the most 2 hrs. then I was wide awake. If lucky I would return to sleep a while later only to sleep 1 1/2 to 2 hours and wake up again.

Then there was the combination that didn't help me go to sleep. However once I was a sleep I didn't want to wake up. Sometimes I didn't get out of bed until noon.

I don't know if any of these sleep patterns fit yours. But I would definitely talk your problem over with you pdoc. It could take awhile to get it "right".

Being a frog of little brain, I'm not sure meds will help you. However I'm now a firm believer that getting the right amount of the right kind of sleep helps with controlling depressive thinking.

[DOWNINNATICK]

Hi, it's hard to say what would help you, but one thing is to get up in the morning, say like 10 am, and make yourself stay awake all day. For night, try so sleepytime tea, I think it's an herbal tea, put some soft music or even your tv on so your mind may listens to that instead of thinking of all the confusion that goes on in your head. I myself fall asleep with the tv on so I don't dwell on the bad that is playing in my head. Try knitting, needle point, or something that you find relaxing to help you sleep.

Take care
Cindy

[turquoisesea]

The thing is i think i shouldnt end it. but i feel like i should.

So well said...
hang onto your thinking. The feeling can change, it's horrible but it's not forever.

And about the sleep... to try to get yourself to sleep here's a few ideas that may or may not work.

~Decrease the amount of light in the hour or two before you go to bed

~Do not exercise or do anything that would get your heart pumping (thus sending endorphins into your body which would keep you awake for a while) for a few hours before sleeptime

~In the hour before bed try to do something relaxing

~You could try some herbal remedies for sleep - someone mentioned this already with valarian root, I've not tried that but the past 2 nights I have tried 2 different things that are a combination of herbal remedies - found at a phramacy over the counter - and they seemed to work really well. I got to bed faster, and stayed asleep more - I think I only woke up once last night rather than lots. And I got to bed VERY quickly once I did. Might have been luck but personally I'm going to keep trying them out.

thinking of you...

[Matushka]

Yes.

Nighttime is the hardest. The thoughts go round and round.
But doing just about anything else has got to be better.
Here's a few anythings I've tried:

• Instant Messaging fellow insomniacs or someone on the other side of the world.
• Watching a video.
• Mothering myself: get all wrapped up in a blanket and drink hot cocoa or hot milk or tea.
• Reading a book.
• Writing down all the thoughts I'm having.
• Making a to-do list for everything I'm worried about.
• As needed, calling a crisis line - maybe a few lines, if the first one sounds hurried or like they don't get it.

I wish you well.

[bananasarecool]

Thanks so much everyone :].
well im already taking the chemichal nightol thing that you can get at boots, but its not really helping much... i'll have hot milk or coca, which does help a bit and ive cut out caffene altogether - it really makes me feel like utter crap - and i think the to do list bit helps, i think i'll try putting an extremely boring programme or something on as i try to fall asleep, its just all about focusing on something else and distraction. i think i'll try to do yoga before bed too. i guess at the moment im just going to try to get through the days and not think about "why"... because i know that at the moment im not going to be able to find many reasons.
So i guess its just one day at a time.
thanks everyone :]
x

[daggy]

Bananas
Just an after thought . have you got any of those relaxation cd `s . get something were you can tune into the sounds.
or do you know how to self hypnosis