Hopeless

I just hate myself right now. I feel so hopeless and guilty.

I just need to learn how to live in this state...because it won't get any better.

Either the drugs work too well, or they try to kill me, or they just don't work.

What's sad is that the Lamictal was working, before I became the 1 in a few thousand that gets hypersensitivity...

Why can't I just be a normal person with normal physiology? I'm just a hopeless freak.

I know my T will be disappointed in me this week, because I had been doing better for a while. I know my hubby is disappointed in me, he keeps asking if I am down again...he seems so sad if I admit it. I wish I could fake it for him.

The problem is my unintentional irritability is going to cause issues at my job and in my life. I just need SOMETHING to work. I can't afford to screw up my job or my marriage.

Amazonmom

((((((((amazonmom))))))))

My worst fear (and stress) when I'm low is that I'm disappointing others and myself by being that way. But that suggests that we can do something about our low moods, doesn't it? Your T and your husband may be disappointed that you're low, but not disappointed in YOU for being low. It helps to remind yourself of that distinction whenever you can.

Take good care of yourself. Sometimes these things take two steps forward and one step back, but in the end you'll get where you're going.

(((((((((((Amazonmom)))))))))))

I don't think that your T or husband will be disappointed. A set back is not a failure. It's proof that you are human. These things take time and I'm sure that she is actually very proud of you for being on the right track even if to you it seemed like a short time.

To put it another way. Imagine if you were a smoker.... and you were trying to give up. The very fact that you wanted to give up would be the greatest achievement!!! and even if you never completely quit smoking but simply reduced the amount of cigarettes per day that would give you immense health benefits!!!!

So simply by trying to get better you are a success!!!

I'm thinking of you and sending lots of good vibes into the world just for you!

Why in the world would you ever want to be "normal"? Those of us with mental illness are so much more colorful.

Finding the right meds or combination there of is at best difficult. About the time you think something is working, poof! And you are right back a square one.

Unfortunately those around us suffer most from all the trials and errors. Hopefully your family and co-workers can cope with all the ones that don't work. Be honest and let them know you are having med issues and things could get pretty rough.

I have taken 45 different drugs or combinations there of since 2004. In most cases my body reacts completely different from what it is suppose to. Even my pdoc was becoming discouraged. That is not a good thing. Now I'm taking a med cocktail that even my pdoc says is not perfect but I am alive.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Try changing your mind set from "nothing is working and I'm hurting the ones I love" to "I'm working to find the drugs that work for me."



kebs

Sounds like you have hit a rough patch again and due to the medication that was working, but unfortunately caused you adverse side effects,you are in a tough spot. This may sound cliche, but hang in there because this will pass. A good therapist and MD will work hard to find another medication and help you get through this time. My thoughts are with you.

PSJ

(((((((((((((AmazonMom))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((( Amazonmom )))))))))))))))))

So far, nobody at my job knows about my particular brand of mental interestingness. The irritability has stayed within reasonable limits, it's just one of my signs that I am sinking fast, and I don't want to hit bottom again. My hubby is the only family member that knows. I have two good buddies that know.

Working to find the drugs that work for me...I like that. I just had no idea back in February when I started this process that it would be so much work!

I will get my Lithium level back tomorrow, I have therapy with my NP, and my support group. Promise to report back! Everyone in my support group has Klonopin, maybe I should join in...Just kidding.

(((((Amazonmom)))))

Please be strong, we care.

((((((((((Amazonmom))))))))))



Keep fighting and feel good about yourself for fighting!!!!!