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#1
Jun 04, 2009, 10:59 PM
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It's coming back on, has been by degrees all day, ever since I got the call that I got the job I applied for. I start on Saturday. I should be happy -- I really need the money, for one thing, and it'll get me out of the house, and it's in a really pretty village not far from where I live. I keep trying to remind myself that it's the depression talking, but right now I just feel useless and like a liar and completely unqualified, and they're going to see that and it's going to be awful.
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Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#2
Jun 04, 2009, 11:42 PM
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I SO UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM
 . I AM SORRY THAT THOSE UNTRUE THOUGHTS ARE SCREAMING LOUDER THAN YOUR TRUE REALITY. CAN YOU TRY TO REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT REAL? THAT STINKIN' DEPRESSION WILL CUZ US TO  AND EVERYTIME. YOU ARE A  A  YOU GOT THE JOB! YOU GOT IT BECAUSE YOU PERSERVERED! THAT IN ITSELF IS AN AWESOME TRAIT TO HAVE!  GOOD LUCK!
Last edited by LSCS628; Jun 04, 2009 at 11:44 PM. Reason: MISTAKE HIT WRONG BUTTON! |
 justfloating
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#3
Jun 04, 2009, 11:54 PM
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 low on words. But for what it's worth - with the economy today people aren't hiring very often so the fact that you got the job means alot - I highly doubt you are unqualified. And I know you're not useless. Best of luck with it - starting a new job is scary 
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| justfloating
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#4
Jun 05, 2009, 05:36 AM
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 you got the job, it's wonderful and given current economic situation, this proves you are qualified. When I was volunteering at one organisation i took part in interviews of ppl who wanted to join (we didn't just take anyone because the job was related to mental health). What I learned is that the interviewer sees a lot, it's very hard to fool one. They took you, it means you are not just good, you are the best of the ppl who applied Don't listen to the depression talking, it's just a little ugly liar (can i kick it so it will shut up and leave you?). You should do something really nice for yourself today, make yourself a present, you really deserve it
__________________
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
| justfloating
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#5
Jun 05, 2009, 04:16 PM
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Thanks, all. ((((((((((everyone))))))))))
I know I'm being silly. Maybe it's just nerves, and the depression is taking advantage of that. I hate starting new things and meeting new people, I'm always so terrified they're going to see what an incompetent, clueless person I am. At school, at least I don't have to pretend I'm competent because I'm good at being a student. Everything else, though -- work, family, socializing -- it feels like I can never do anything right. I feel like a screwup before I start, and it's only a matter of time before others see that too ... I know I have no self-esteem. I know how to recognize the self-deprecating thoughts I have about myself. But recognizing them doesn't always make them stop coming and coming and coming... Yesterday I told the interviewer I'm comfortable dealing with people. I have no idea why I said that. I'm not. I'm not even comfortable dealing with myself. Sorry to vent. I'm just really freaking out 
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#6
Jun 05, 2009, 04:27 PM
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((((justfloating))))
I am sure everything will be fine, I will be thinking of you saturday
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| justfloating
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#7
Jun 05, 2009, 04:33 PM
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Quote:
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"Im a big boy now, but Im still not grown." DMX Lord Give Me A Sign |
| justfloating
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#8
Jun 05, 2009, 05:02 PM
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 (((((((((((((((((( justfloating ))))))))))))))))))
__________________
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| justfloating
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#9
Jun 05, 2009, 11:32 PM
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It's ok to have told him you were comfortable dealing with people - this things slip easily in a high stress situation like an interview. I think it'll be ok
__________________
Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| justfloating
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#10
Jun 06, 2009, 10:32 AM
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(((((((((((justfloating)))))))))))
 Will you tell us how your first day went?
__________________
I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF [center][b][color=#92d050][font=Verdana] |
| justfloating
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#11
Jun 06, 2009, 04:35 PM
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Well, I survived. It's a lot of stuff to take in!
I'm working at a golf and lakeshore resort, mostly in the model home they have there doing sales, but I'm also doing a bit of maintenance and cleaning and, well, a bit of everything, which means I'm getting trained in everything, which means I'm sure my head is going to explode eventually...  I don't know how I feel. Today was scary and overwhelming, but the people were all very nice and the days are fairly short, which is a bonus compared to my last job. I'm not sure, I'm trying to be optimistic (I'm sure it'll get easier with time) but since my depression's kicked back in this week (I've been dealing with a LOT of family stress since I got home, which has triggered a kind of funk, if not a full-on episode) I also know that I can't really trust my own perceptions of anything right now. Thanks for the support, all. I really appreciate it. 
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#12
Jun 07, 2009, 09:47 AM
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((((((((((((((justfloating)))))))))))))
Congrats for getting through your first day!!!
__________________
I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF [center][b][color=#92d050][font=Verdana] |
| justfloating
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#13
Jun 07, 2009, 11:45 AM
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__________________
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
| justfloating
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#14
Jun 07, 2009, 12:49 PM
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__________________
Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| justfloating
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