Feels like my depression is returning...

Lately I just feel so down in the dumps. I got laid off about 2 months ago and ever since I've just been so bored. I really have nothing to do to eat up my time and keep my mind from wandering. My girlfriend has been acting much differently towards me lately and I am unable to find a job. I went out into NYC today to see a movie and hang out with my father for a bit, and right when I got home I called my girlfriend because I had some good news for her. The good news I thought I'd be giving her turned out to be something she wasn't interested in and it upset me. We got into a bit of a fight and she hung up on me, and now my great day and great mood is reduced to self loathing and anger. I haven't been sleeping well, I haven't been eating well and I've lost 11 pounds since I stopped working. I feel like im melting away physically and emotionally.

I've had some problems with depression in the past but while I was working a full time job it pretty much seemed to disappear, or at least simmer down. Now it feels like it's flaring up in a major way and I'm really scared I'm gonna fall into it again. The worst part is I really have nobody to talk to. During my first bout with depression I pretty much cut myself off with the entire world and lost basically all of my connections with my friends. I can't just randomly call one of my old friends that I haven't spoken to in years and say "hey, can I vent all of my frustrations to you and lean on you a little bit". I don't have the money to start talking to a therapist again because I'm unemployed. It's a conundrum that I can't solve.

I dunno what to do. But I do know what I feel and I don't like it and I REALLY don't want it to progress into a full blown depression again. I've been having these terrible mood swings where one minute I'm smiling, joking, having a good time and then one tiny thing will happen and my stomach feels like a bottomless pit and my shoulders get weak. That's really the only way I can describe my depression, other than beating myself up in my head over and over of course.

I guess I don't really have a question in this thread, I just really needed to vent a bit.

Hello...I understand how U feel that way. It is hard on you to find a job and frustrated about your life will fade away. Maybe your girlfriend may not understand abt your feelings. Time will tell that you will be able to find a job. U know NYC is a long way to improve to have a better jobs. Right now Enomices gone bad. Maybe you can try to find different job if U think about to move in different city or different state. Who knows?
I'm new on this site. I have been depress past 2months. I have no one to talk and to help me feel better.

Since you have so much time on your hands, you might as well spend some of it researching your depressive illness and seeing if you can discover some free or low-cost resources that might be helpful.

Sitting around all day and doing nothing is self-destructive behavior. I don't think you really want to harm yourself that way.

I agree it is, but anxiety is something else I have trouble with. If I'm going to a place I've been before I'm usually ok, but most of the time I think about where I have to go for a long time beforehand and think of all the terrible things that might happen in doing so. Nobody around me really understands why I am sometimes hesitant to leave the house. I can't explain to them I'm afraid I might get attacked or robbed or whatever. One thing feeds into another I guess.

Dear A long ways,

Sorry to hear about your temporary predicament. I am in the same predicament and just feel stuck. Have you thought about taking a drive, going to the gym, taking a walk, volunteer work at a local hospital, museum or center? Something in order to force you out of the house for a few hours everyday? I am sorry about your girlfriend and her attitude about things. It sounds like she is frustrated just like you. Feel better. Sending good thoughts your way.

Slick399

A Long Ways, I am Sorry For what you are going through. I am glad you found us here on this site, I have found great help here, there are many of us who struggle with the same thing. Is the anyone in your life that you feel like you could go to, A Friend or Family Member, Someonewho you trust that you know would be there to listen?