[turquoisesea]

Everything I care about and held dear - it's gone.

My music, my bf, my friends.
I've been forced to lose them. I was so scared of all this happening and now here it is.

My bf... gone? he didnt even say goodbye ... can't go back ...

don't know what to do now I don't want to do anything but cease to exist
don't even know why I'm posting

[Berries]

(((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))

I'm glad you posted. Keep posting.

Is there anyone you can call? A family member, a T anyone?

Keep Posting.

Here are some hugs, cuz i care a great deal

;1037899]Everything I care about and held dear - it's gone.

My music, my bf, my friends.
I've been forced to lose them. I was so scared of all this happening and now here it is.

My bf... gone? he didnt even say goodbye ... can't go back ...

don't know what to do now I don't want to do anything but cease to exist
don't even know why I'm posting[/quote]

[leacon]

I care. Keep on reminding yourself this is probably temporary. You said you had a Therapist at home. Make an appointment and talk this out okay.

[JayS]

((((((turquoisesea))))))

[susan888]

Sweetie, You will get through this. My 25 y/o daughter is feeling the same way now, but she has a 3 1/2 y/o son. Life sometimes just pulls the rug out from under you and you think you can't go on. You question everything you have ever believed about unconditonal love......But don't give up on that because you will find it! Life can just be so hard sometimes....hang on!

(((Turquoisesea)))

I'm glad you are posting and wish I could offer something tangible. Hold on...call someone if you can, please.
Remember we ALL care for you .

[idontknow13]

(((((turquoisesea))))))
Hang in there, you are so worth it!

[turquoisesea]

it's really good to get all your positive support, it really does make a difference to me. Things are really rough for me right now, but I'm fighting and so far I haven't done anything bad, except for have trouble eating. It's just so hard to fight, especially when I can't even find anything to eat and I'm starting to not even want to eat. just everything all at once and I don't think I can handgle it but I keep trying

thank you everyone

[poet682006]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

it's really good to get all your positive support, it really does make a difference to me. Things are really rough for me right now, but I'm fighting and so far I haven't done anything bad, except for have trouble eating. It's just so hard to fight, especially when I can't even find anything to eat and I'm starting to not even want to eat. just everything all at once and I don't think I can handgle it but I keep trying

thank you everyone

And now you know why you posted! You got responses from people who care

[Ratanddragon]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

Everything I care about and held dear - it's gone.

My music, my bf, my friends.
I've been forced to lose them. I was so scared of all this happening and now here it is.

My bf... gone? he didnt even say goodbye ... can't go back ...

don't know what to do now I don't want to do anything but cease to exist
don't even know why I'm posting

Give yourself some credit here, T. You welcomed me when I joined a few days ago and you've posted a lot of supporting comments to other people on PC. Hang on to that aspect of yourself....it's impressive.

[justfloating]

(((((((turquoisesea))))))))

I know how horrible it is when you lose everything all at once like that. It can really take a toll on anyone, but trying to handle it AND depression is even worse. Hang in there and keep us posted on how you're doing. Take care of yourself as best you can.

[Amazonmom]

I am so sorry things are going so badly...

From someone who has been there...

[Fuzzybear]

[mustangridin2005]

your right where you need to be here hold on to us and make that your goal to replace all others until you find your own ya know???

[turquoisesea]

everyone I'm feel really bad right now. falling further. afraid I won't make it back.

I'm scaring myself ... scaring myself more than I have in a while... I don't know what I'm looking for in response I just dunno where else to look

[Berries]

i don't know if this will help, but it is a fact that everything in this life is temporary. So things will change. They won't always be this bad. Sometimes, i just hold on to that.

[turquoisesea]

It's good to have something to hold onto - I need that more then anything right now.

Thank you ((((((((((((((((Berries)))))))))))))))))))))

[Slick399]

Hope you're still hanging on...

Sending good thoughts your way.

Slick

[Berries]

(((((((((((turquoisesea))))))))))))

How are you today turquoisesea?

[turquoisesea]

Actually not doing that great :/
My mom is constantly pressuring me, and I feel completely trapped here. Being apart from my boyfriend is killing me from the inside. Whenever I try to practice physically I can't do it because I don't have my own room here, and everyone barges in so even if I can handle it mentally I can't manage it because of the location.

My mom is trying to force me to volunteer as a job. which would be fine except she's forcing it on me without asking me first, I kinda need the money >.< and she has already offered my services without telling me. She makes me feel worthless. I just got a call from the restaurant I used to work at here last summer, probably actually have hours. I would jump on them. but I feel like I need to grab my stuff and run now. Because in this past week and a half, I've sunk from being almost fully functional to only being able to sit in a lump all day, and having VERY bad thoughts and desires that I haven't had for so many months.

So I want to get a train back to the place I was staying before I came home - to an empty apartment etc - just so I can survive. But even that scares me.

So I'm a bit of a mess today, but trying to find some way I can live through this.

[poet682006]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

Actually not doing that great :/
My mom is constantly pressuring me, and I feel completely trapped here. Being apart from my boyfriend is killing me from the inside. Whenever I try to practice physically I can't do it because I don't have my own room here, and everyone barges in so even if I can handle it mentally I can't manage it because of the location.

My mom is trying to force me to volunteer as a job. which would be fine except she's forcing it on me without asking me first, I kinda need the money >.< and she has already offered my services without telling me. She makes me feel worthless. I just got a call from the restaurant I used to work at here last summer, probably actually have hours. I would jump on them. but I feel like I need to grab my stuff and run now. Because in this past week and a half, I've sunk from being almost fully functional to only being able to sit in a lump all day, and having VERY bad thoughts and desires that I haven't had for so many months.

So I want to get a train back to the place I was staying before I came home - to an empty apartment etc - just so I can survive. But even that scares me.

So I'm a bit of a mess today, but trying to find some way I can live through this.

[jilly143]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

Everything I care about and held dear - it's gone.

My music, my bf, my friends.
I've been forced to lose them. I was so scared of all this happening and now here it is.

My bf... gone? he didnt even say goodbye ... can't go back ...

don't know what to do now I don't want to do anything but cease to exist
don't even know why I'm posting

Sorry to hear that. I have lost a lot of people in my life, including my mother, when I was 22. I felt like giving up. It took a long time, and I still have my bad days. If you ever need to chat, write to me. You can vent, or just write. I hope things get better for you. Like I said write me anytime. Jillian

[jilly143]

Originally Posted by poet682006

I have been trough a lot of rough times my self. So you mother is signing you up for things you dont want to. Do you have to live at home? What reason are you having trouble with your bf? I wish you the best of luck! If you ever need to chat, write me anytime. Jillian

[turquoisesea]

thank you everyone for continuing reading and the hugs and everything. I keep posting here rather than making new threads.

I keep dipping lower. I'm so much worse compared to even yesterday. I can kinda feel my mind going. I've though so much about things being over because I'm not seeing a way out of this now. I know I need to make one, but the depression is making this so hard.

Trouble with the boyfriend - he lives halfway across the country but we go to same school and we agreed we wouldn't do distance we'd stay together. We've been living with each other for 9 months. Suddenly his parents said he had to come back to work at home and he went an I miss him so much and don't see howlong term we can be together but I love him with everything I have and then some. Also have some troubles regarding his ex but that's beside the point for now.

Losing interesting in everything. No interest in anything right now. Barely can keep myself out of the bed crying. Don't even feel like playing cello now. Can't do it. Can't do this.

My mother makes me cry.

Was thinking of escape to apartment, alone up there but not being in negative atmosphere. Dont' have job right now, but also worried how far I have dipped how can handle job?



So scared.

Even in a few years when parents dont support where money come from? How make life work. Scared confused and REALLY down.

[Rohag]

Sorry things are so bad for you right now. I visited your dragons, and I'm visiting you. May joy fill your world as quickly and unexpectedly as the depression has.