I feel like I've lost everything

ooh honey, you sound young. Still in school, sounds like college. I feel horrible listening to how sad you sound. I am 30 but have had depression since, I was in high school. I had issues, to the point the school would not let me go, unless my parents took me to a therapist and had it signed. I think things sound really bad for you. I would like to talk to you on a private message. I do not use this netowrk a lot, so I have to see hoe to do that, are you on facebook? I am under Jillian Kimball Dimartino, if you are look me up and we can talk privatly. It sounds like you really need someone to talk to. I am going to try to pm you, if I cant figure it out, cuz I dont use this network a lot, try to message me. Or look me up on facebook. Please try to find the positive things, I know this is the most annoying thing to hear at this time, but you are young and have the whole world ahead of you, so you need to try to stay positive. Write me anytime...Jillian People care about you.

turquoisesea
you can do heaps for yourself when you have to .It may seem like a dream that you could but if you were left by yourself and didn`t have a b/f to lean back on then and as you realize now that a person no matter how bruised or broken on the inside can somewhere inside we find the strength to survive.being in school and trying to do ALL of these things by yourself is scary enough when you have a clear head but then you add some self doubt depression, anxiety and all those other little demons we have and life looks so big and all you want to do is shut down and let someone else take control
And if you want to go through life like that as many people do then fine the system will find a way to medicate you till become just another statistic on the books.
But if you want to go forward and make a name for yourself as an individual then you have to work hard remember who you are and want you want out of life and tell yourself this everyday.
Deal with what you want to happen to you and have a positive outlook for yourself If your b/f doesn't know what a treasure he has then its up to him to fix things the way you want.
play your music and feel happy about just being able to do that in that moment of time then sort the rest into not so big piles Life will come to you instead of being drained of it .
out of all that I hope you find something good to take .
And please play the cello for me just once I cant play a note

Rohag - thankies for the visits *yay* the dragons are one thing I've kept up with for a while now

Got the pm jilly and thank you for it

daggy - what you said about the system is right. When I first started having trouble I went straight to the wrong people - the college therapy office which is made of people on the last stage of education to become therapists. The first one I had was horrible - the next was slightly better but all she wanted me to do was go get medicated. So finally after a while and getting worse, I did and then things EXPLODED. I consider that a big mistake, at least if I was looking for meds I should have gone to someone qualified. Also in the time off that I had the first few months were so difficult, because I was actually dealing with a lot of the underlying problems I had for the first time in my life - I had repressed so much. Having gotten through them I was feeling better, and I think I have made an improvement. I hope that's why I was feeling better and not just the weather or something.

everyone- anyways, the good news is that I did get out today. I woke up very early today (for the past week I've been sleeping till noon) and went for a 30 minute walk - that made me feel better. I also responded to a call from a previous employer and it sounds like he'll give me some shifts. I'm scared. Because I'm stuck here, and even with a job this is a scary place to be. But thank you everyone... for all your kind words advice - I really do need to make the best of it, or try to get out, or both. So I'm going to try to practice a little and then see if I can get some shifts, we'll see. But I did want to let you know things have been a little better today, at least

*hugs everyone

(((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))

I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better. I hope you play your cello today. And i hope you do get some shifts. Some time away from home might be good.
Take care & sending many many hugs ...

that is great .
see it all wasn`t that bad .
there is a Beatles tune running in my head but I cant think of it but I bet you know it I just cant remember the title but its got to do with getting up out of bed

track it down and listen to it
It is so great that things are happening . just remember 1 step at a time

The song is call "A Day In A Life" off the Sgt. Pepper's album.

"Jumped, fell out of bed
ran a comb across my head....."

thanks Poet
it was driving me crazy trying to think of it . just on the tip of my tounge feeling ...
not enough coffee in me
but I did learn 1 thing
Ask and you will find

((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))

How are you doing today, turq????

Thanks for asking about today Berries

The morning was really tough for me because I had some bad dreams last night I couldn't shake. I thought I wasn't going to get up all day - and... I stayed in bed a LONG time, crying. But I did get up at long last.... crying to the bathroom, went downstairs and had some coffee. Just made myself face the day. Talked to my mom about trying to help the bf situation a little bit and she was positive. I had just enough time to go buy some red shirts - found them really cheap, needed them for my new JOB.

I went to training today and am trying to remember everything I can - I'm nervous about the job but it was better today than yesterday. Although I'm nervous about it I'm glad it's there - source of money and if I can just make myself do it ... that would mean alot to me. Played cello but for a short time.

So tough morning, better afternoon, lazy evening... looking better than last week

I also have therapy tomorrow and maybe she'll help me out a little bit? *hopes so*

I also wanted to thank everyone who replied to this post you have helped me out SO MUCH

no worries that's what we are here for

Sounds like you are doing some better. I am glad for you! How are you doing today?

Have you played your cello today? I imagine you play it beautifully. I wish you could play some for me some time.

it's 1 and I've played for a short time today also had a therapy appointment and went for a 50 minute walk/run... good exercise O.o

Maybe I can get a recording of myself playing out here sometime I'll definitely think about it

things are better yes... just a hard week but I'm really getting more strength the more and more I fight it, and am drawing strength from everything I've learned and you have said

I hope things get better, My offer is always here, I sent you a private message with my email, address if you ever want to talk. I will keeo you in my thoughts.

(((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))

How have you been doing?

well the week started off better =)

the exercise thing was REALLY helping. Only thing is on the job I was helping close - and doing that is really hard physically on my arms. So I haven't played cello since starting that, and haven't been able to do the exercise I was enjoying so much. And my sleep has been REALLY patchy - I've started taking some herbal remedy for it the past 2 nights and it seems to help.. I called in sick to work today because my sisters birds woke me up at 5:30 (I got to bed at 12:30ish?). Also been having major trouble handling long distance relationship with my bf, and that has been pulling on me. My mother thought I was irresponsible for not going to work today and for not getting enough sleep and therefore being a negative influence on a family event around noon today. I feel like a bad person when this kind of thing comes up.

So basically - I'm fighting, it's hard, but I still am fighting. I need to get exercise but in order to do that I need SLEEP. So I'm going to keep trying with the herbal remedies, not being on the computer before bed - these things have been working. And finding a way not to get woken up early, so that I can get consistant sleep. I'm also trying to find a way to reduce the pressure that comes from my bf, but that I'm not sure what to do about *feels helpless here*


Berries, thank you so much for checking up on me, it helps to write this out, even though it's long *sorry*

I hope everyone is doing well, been trying my best to keep up with posts even though sometimes I have limited access here
hugs to everyone

Hey, when you feel like your are bringing vegativity around your family functions do what I do Dont go! LOL I really dont go, when it is gonna stress me out. This came at the suggestion of my therapist. Its mainly my inlaws, because most of my family are no longer alive or we dont talk. But my inlaws have things all the time. They used to get mad. Now they understand, it is not there fault or mine, it is just the way it is. I come when I can and leave when I need to. Just a thought, I write long stories to..it feels better to get if off your mind by writing or talking! TT you ltr.

(((turquoisesea)))
How great it is to hear that just by doing some simple little things like exercise and sleeping right can turn a BIG situation into a smaller more manageable one ( although people still niggle you ( family ) you are using different options instead of bottling it all up into a meltdown situation.
You just have to find the righth balance now to move forward.

(((((((((((turq))))))))))))

How was the weekend? How are you doing today?