[rappacinisgarden]

Really I don't know what's up with me... I have feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, etc. It just keeps coming back. I feel that everything I do is not good at all. I need a job, a place, etc but these feelings make it impossible to do anything. Since last year I've been with two T's but with no exit. The first was through social security(free) and he judged me the first few minutes saying: well, you know, your problem is something that will be with you longterm... What is this supposed to mean? That I am determined to be feeling like this for the rest of my life? Lately I just feel like a complete failure...

The second T. Well here it seemed that I was playing his role. He never listened and hardly let me speak at all. It seemed like a complete monologue all the time. He was too philosophical. Oh, Life is a present! You are endowed with the gift of life! You have the power! Certainly he was good natured, on the positive side, but he surely didn't have active listening virtues. This second T was private, paid by my mother. I feel really guilty being 34 and not having my future already sorted out, being maintained at the moment, not having a job and not feeling self confident at all like the rest of the "normal" people.

At the end I told my family that I did not like this second T, since he only listened to himself... I mean he was good natured and all, and did what he could, but I just didn't feel good at all and was feeling more confused all the time. On the other hand I don't want my mother to get into more expenses becaus of me.

Anyway, this is just how I fell lately, rap

[ExiExi]

(((rappacinisgarden)))
I think it's wonderful that you have someone who is caring and willing to support you. I think your mother is more concerned about your happiness, not about avoiding expenses or anything like that. Isn't it true? Because it is just the way I get it from reading your post.

Getting a job is much easier than making people understand what really happens.. and your family seems to know it all and care deeply.

I for one have a job but it doesn't wanna help to solve any of my real problems, so I think you are lucky btw jobs come eventually anyway..

From what I know, finding a right T sometimes takes time. There is nothing wrong with trying.

I hope you feel better soon

[rappacinisgarden]

Originally Posted by ExiExi

(((rappacinisgarden)))
I think it's wonderful that you have someone who is caring and willing to support you. I think your mother is more concerned about your happiness, not about avoiding expenses or anything like that. Isn't it true? Because it is just the way I get it from reading your post.

Getting a job is much easier than making people understand what really happens.. and your family seems to know it all and care deeply.

I for one have a job but it doesn't wanna help to solve any of my real problems, so I think you are lucky btw jobs come eventually anyway..

From what I know, finding a right T sometimes takes time. There is nothing wrong with trying.

I hope you feel better soon

Hi Exi, you are right my mother is really concerned for my happiness but sometimes I get mixed msgs from her like you HAVE TO do something, find your future or sort it out, etc. And also she said that the T is expensive so I don't want that agian unless I have my own job and pay it off myself. I don't know why it just makes me feel much more worse.. I feel a big pressure for just tiny comments!!! Anyway, I think I'll have to force myself out of this mood somehow...

You are right, jobs come eventually. It's just that I don't feel fit for them. The few interviews I've had I think I've let my feelings seep through... Nobody wants somebody that tranmits negativeness.

Sorry I feel so upset, I don't want to be a black cloud but I judt feel I keep on feeling sorry for myself, and sensitive to everything.

TY, rap

[ExiExi]

I don't think forcing youself out of this mood will do any good. Try to lure yourself out of it instead

There are many things you love, many activities that make you feel good.. certain tasks which give a sense of achievement, right? Go for it!
Give yourself a little present even if it's just a smile. No punishment - rewards all the way!
I've learned that in order to be happy, I needed to encourage myself in coming out of the cave. Brute force works, but I tend to panic and hide back right away. Not exactly something that helps with the sense of achievement

Bring good into focus and all the bad will melt away very fast.
It's just how everything works

[tarabug922]

Hi Rappicini,

You know it's okay to feel the way that you do. I have felt like that many times. Know that the feelings will eventually pass. You can help the negative ones pass by counteracting them with positive phrases. Come up with reasons why you are useful. Like coming on here and posting helps other people see themselves. Think of what you mean to your mother. Sounds like you two have a pretty good relationship. If you want to find a good T find one that specializes in what you're dealing with. I know it's hard but it's oh so worth it.

Know that you are loved and supported on PC and you can come and talk about anything your heart desires.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[rappacinisgarden]

[quote=ExiExi;1047560]I don't think forcing youself out of this mood will do any good. Try to lure yourself out of it instead

There are many things you love, many activities that make you feel good.. certain tasks which give a sense of achievement, right? Go for it!
Give yourself a little present even if it's just a smile. No punishment - rewards all the way!
I've learned that in order to be happy, I needed to encourage myself in coming out of the cave. Brute force works, but I tend to panic and hide back right away. Not exactly something that helps with the sense of achievement

Bring good into focus and all the bad will melt away very fast.
It's just how everything works [/q

Thnx to both!! Exi, that's just my problem, coming out of the cave... I think I'm kind of socially anxious to put it some way. If I felt I fit in with most people, on a social level, I think that many of my problems would go away(up to a certain point I mean).

I get so nervous at interiews or knowing new people that it makes me not want to go out at all. Yeah, I have confronted some things but every time I take a step forward I take two backwards.. Something inside isn't allowing me to develop of which I don't have complete control yet. I mean, who wants to feel like this??

Keeping a job or whatever in life in this state is not good. I think I just don't want to go on because I'll just repeat my mistakes again and again. But maybe life is just like that, I mean, a sort of trial and error sort of thing?

Thanks, really for listening, since I kind of felt anxious this morning!!! TY Rap

[Naturefreak]

You are NOT worthless .
It's just your thoughts saying you are.
Believe me . I have the same problem.
Have a Great Day and Take Care