Don't want to think about it anymore

I don't want to think about killing myself anymore. These vile thoughts are haunting me every day hour and second. I don't want to do it. I want to get better, meet new people, enjoy life and make others happy so I can feel good about myself.

How do I make them leeeeeeaaaaaave?!!

I'm sorry. It's too damn hard to fight the feeling and keep it all to myself. Have to write things down once in a while, just to make sure I'm still alive LOL. Thanks for reading.. means a lot to me.

(((((((((((((((( ExiExi ))))))))))))))))

Dealing with the same thing Exi. It feels terrible to hurt all the time and it seems like it will never end. I just want to get better/feel better too. I'm listening to my docs, going to therapy, and still I'm weak, tired, depressed, and obsessively thinking about death when I have the power to think at all. Stupid chemistry! I'm sorry you're feeling extremely sad. Remember the good days you've had and that they were preceded by bad days. It will get better. Talk to your docs about adjusting your meds. If you are in a really bad state and can't resist harming yourself, go to a hospital emergency room. This is your life and I believe we only get one. This is important. You are loved even if it doesn't seem so right now.

The thing I do is to allow myself time every day to plan out my suicide, but to intend those plans to take place in the future - maybe in a year. This gives me the chance to spend most of the day on what to do with my life right now.

It's not a great solution, but it is all I have.

((((((((ExiExi))))))))))


I'm sorry you're in so much pain. When I was suicidal, there was no stopping those kinds of thoughts coming into my head, but I did realize that I didn't really have to pay attention to them either. Try to distract yourself as much as you can. Engage your mind in anything else and keep reminding yourself that those thoughts aren't coming from you, they're coming from the depression.

The other thing that really helped for me was the word "NO." Every time I had a thought like that, I would think "NO." I would trace the letters in my mind, I would think about how it would sound spoken by the various people I've known or actors with distinct voices. I would think about all the words I know for "no" in other languages. If I was really stuck, I would just repeat it to myself over and over until the suicidal thinking subsided. I don't know why, but it helped a lot.

Good luck. I hope you find a way to get rid of these kinds of thoughts for good.