rant, trigger warning - some bad language, "not safe for work"

*repeat of the trigger warning in the subject - be safe everyone*


I just have to get this out. I am hating myself so much right now. I feel INADEQUATE in so many ways. I feel like a dirty rotten filthy w**re. VILE.
I can't live up to standard. I hate that there IS a standard. Makes it so much harder.
I WANT to be having fun. I WANT to be interesting, have hobbies/interests rather than hours on end spent crying, or being too numb to cry, or obsessing about someone half a country away, or sitting TALKING for hours on end about nothing wasting the day away. Doing nothing.

Worst is I feel so DIRTY. The words dirty filthy w**re keep ringing in my head over and over. It makes me want to punish myself. I don't. I've been strong with that. I want to UNDO the damage not CREATE more.



FEEL SO INADEQUATE. In everything. In life. In love. In holding true to myself, in taking care of myself, in just LIVING MY LIFE.

Just so frustrated right now, so frustrated.

thanks for letting me rant and sorry about the frustrated tone etc. I really am holding up generally ok - I'm still getting to work and managing just sometimes even there triggers creep in.

hugs to all

((((((((((((turquoisesea))))))))))))


Sometimes we need to have a good rant every now and then. I'm sorry that you're in so much pain. I can really relate to your post. I feel inadequate a lot of the time too, and wish I could do more than my depression allows. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))))))))))

Rant all you want...it helps sometimes....I'm sorry your in so much pain!! I can relate to how your feeling...I have been feeling a lot of that myself lately and the obessing over someone...

Rant all you want..that's what we're here for =]. We all need to let it all out every now and then. It's not healthy to hold things all..cuz one day you'll just bust. Hoping your situation get's better.

(((((((((((turquoisesea))))))))))

You are a very interesting, talented person. I'm sorry depression has gotten you in it's clutches.

YOU ARE NOT dirty, filthy, or a w****. You aren't. You have done nothing wrong. I wish I could give you a real hug and tell you that.

DEPRESSION BE GONE!

((((((((((((((((( turquoisesea )))))))))))))))))))))

I am sending you bunches of safe hugs

(((turquoise)))

you are none of the things you said. you are very interesting and indeed a funny person! i sometimes giggle in bed while thinking of all the silly things we've talked about. depression, yeah, a bad friend - it makes us think we don't have things that we already do.

you deserve love, and a good life, even when you don't believe you are deserving. it's true for all of us, why not you too?



listening and caring..