Frozen

I've been frozen in my behaviors for many weeks now. Whenever I have free time - breaks, lunch at work, or after work and on weekends - I do the same behaviors. I play solitaire or read the news online - always going to the same 2 websites - often a dozen times a day. That's at work. Away from work, I eat, watch TV, sleep, and re-read books I've read before.

I can't seem to do anything else - even though my room is a nightmare at home and I have dirty dishes in a corner of my office at work that have been sitting there for 3 or 4 months. I can perform my job and pay bills. But everything else I need to do or want to do is on hold.

What I want to be doing is exercising, cooking, eating right, writing a book, organizing and cleaning, having some cultural experiences. I have friends I would like to communicate with.

I feel just awful when I do the same routine over and over - knowing exactly what I should be or could be doing. Often my head aches a bit and my breathing is shallow. But even that is something I can control.

((((((Matushka))))) I know how you feel about being frozen. I too am that way but I have a hard time doing anything at all. I do nothing but live inside my own mind. But I am working on it. Good luck.

I can identify closely with what you have written.

First, stop and pat yourself on the back because you are capable of working and paying the bills. I can't work and have difficulty keeping track of bills. But I hope I can improve.

I too have dirty dishes months old sitting in the sink, the counter and the floor of my kitchen. And general overwhelming clutter...

How do we change? I don't know. I spend my time sleeping, watching TV and on the internet. I have goals but I don't have the behaviors to make them reality.

I am sorry I don't have the answer. Wouldn't it be so awesome if somebody posted, "It's easy, guys, just A, B and C"?

How about we each pick just one thing that we want to change and work on just that for awhile? I pick getting the kitchen sink unclogged so I can wash dishes. I bought a plunger today so I have no excuse not to do it. Is there one thing you can do that doesn't require a tremendous amount of energy that you could do to start?