[jacq10]

Excuse the F bombs but there is simply no other word to describe how I'm feeling about things right now.

**** my "mother figure" for ever being in my life. **** her for making promises that she didn't intend to keep. **** her for running like a child when she found out about my SI, and **** her for making me feel disgusting about it. **** her for not still being in my life because every day, every ****ING day I miss her, and I hate her, and I hate myself for needing her. **** her **** her **** her.

I'm beginning to lose faith in all people (especially women... go figure?), and I am strongly accumulating evidence that proves to me that believing that things like Love is pointless because the only person you can ever count on is yourself. And in my case... well, ****.

[ExiExi]

You did a great job Sometimes the only way for me to calm down is to let the emotions out - I hope it worked for you!

(((jacq10)))

The parental thing had a lot to do with my messed up way of thinking.

But has years have gone bye.... I no longer have contact with them.

But no longer wish bad things on them.

[justfloating]

(((((((((((jacq))))))))))))

[Sabrina]

(((jacq10)))

[jacq10]

(((((((((everyone))))))))

Thanks for the support
Just to clarify, I don't wish bad things on her because I still do hold her very dear to my heart... she's just hurt me so much and its very overwhelming because it has been 3 years since she was an active part in my life, and it still hurts like it was yesterday.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( jacq ))))))))))))))))

I hear you (as you know I so "get" this... )

love
furry paws

[*freak*]

(((jacq10)))

[Emotionally Dead]

It's good to let things out. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Although different, I was in a similar situation. My mother abandoned me and my siblings when I was only 15. She moved to the other side of the Country, and left us here. All because she found a man (while she was married to my Step Dad) and decided to move in with him. She turned myself upside down, and I still get pissed off about it. I try to say I don't miss her, I don't need her, but I do. Everyone needs their Mother. I get through it, but yes it is tough. The best thing to do, is to be around other people who love you. I go to my friends, the rest of my family, or even my animals. Animals won't turn their back on you, they don't know any better. Just remember, you'll be OK. We are all here for you, and I hope you have others in your life that are too. Stay safe.

[darkpurplesecrets]

(((((jacq10)))))

I am sorry you are in this much pain. I hope that in sharing this it has helped some and let some of the anger out. You are okay and intitled to how you are feeling. And we are listening and do hear you. And we do care.

We understand so much of what you are saying. We do not understand having a mother either. We get what you are feeling. Please don't lose faith in all women as there are some that are not that way. But we do understand.

For a long time we trusted no one and could not. We did not understand what trust even was. But with time, we have learned or are learning to trust a little at a time. It is true that the only person that you can really count on is yourself. But having others in your life is important.

You are not alone and we are hearing you. Please be kind to yourself and take care of you. You deserve to be heard and cared about. I am sorry you feel unsupported in your SI and we can also understand that. Please know you are not alone. We are here to listen and support.

Thank you for trusting enough to post and let us know how you are feeling. It is important to get out those feelings. And knowing you are reaching out is important. It shows you are not giving up. And that is something to be proud of.

I hope that you will continue to post and let us know how you are feeling. We do care and are here for you. Sending you a gentle hug if that is okay.

dps

[jacq10]

(((((((hugs to all))))))
You are all much too nice. Thanks so much for caring and responding to my post. I am feeling better now that its been a day or so and I was able to get it out of my system a little bit. I'm so thankful to PC for providing such a wonderful caring community.

Jacq