[Elysium]

So Overwhelmed.......

I don't understand myself!! I have been looking for a job to get me back into my career field for the last six months. I have been struggling to pay bills and am on the edge of a financial and emotional breakdown due to the stress of being unemployed.

So...I finally accepted a temp two month Nursing position which may lead to either an extension in the contract or being hired by the company I am temping for. Good for me, right!!!! Yay!!!!!

No Yay!!

DONDE ESTA EL YAY????????

Where did my relief and happiness go? Why did it go? I am so tired!! I haven't even started orientation yet and I am overwhelmed....and scared. I'm terrified that I'm going to get into this place and fall on my face. Fail again. Not be able to keep up.

What really bothers me is I am going to be responsible for peoples lives and well being, which I don't mind.....but, RN's are so overloaded with patients and it's non-stop, no time to slow down, no time for breaks. We show empathy to our patients, yet our employers don't show empathy to us. They give us too many patients. So many, we can't keep track. We feel useless....like we are fighting a war that can't be won.

I don't want to be back in that position again. I don't want to be in a position where I don't have a minute to pee, let alone get a sip of water, or take a deep breath. I don't want to be in a position where I can't escape if it gets too much for me. Where I have to take care of everybody elses needs accept my own!!

I feel so selfish and guilty for feeling this way. Why can't I just feel happy and excited about my job, instead of anxious and terrified. I do love being a Nurse...but I don't know if I can handle sacrificing my emotional and mental health because the hospital administration wants to fluff their bottom line and short staff us to the point we take more patients then we should ethically be allowed.

I'm so tired. I just want to run and hide somewhere....and never come out.

Why is it always two steps forward and three steps back? I just don't know.....anything.

[Hunny]

Elysium:

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

So Overwhelmed.......

It takes a tremendous boost of energy to go back after being away for some time. You can do it! I had a little saying for each day. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life".

I don't understand myself!! I have been looking for a job to get me back into my career field for the last six months. I have been struggling to pay bills and am on the edge of a financial and emotional breakdown due to the stress of being unemployed.

These are real issues and you have overcome them by obtaining a position that will help you with the bills etc! Well done!

A couple of suggestions. Take that first day back, training or otherwise as only a day...and then...go in for the next day and then the next and so on. You are only commiting to two months but only a day at a time and in between you have days off. Also, this will give you more chance to keep your work/life balance. Commitment to a longer period right off the bat doesn't give room for you to test yourself. This choice does!

So...I finally accepted a temp two month Nursing position which may lead to either an extension in the contract or being hired by the company I am temping for. Good for me, right!!!! Yay!!!!!

No Yay!!

DONDE ESTA EL YAY????????

It is really Yay and you need to keep a portion of those earnings to provide something special for all your parts that need, especially the young ones and maybe a nice 'something' for the older ones. Paying bills is important but so are the little pleasurable things that your money can buy. Think of something that you have had to do without for starters.

Where did my relief and happiness go? Why did it go? I am so tired!! I haven't even started orientation yet and I am overwhelmed....and scared. I'm terrified that I'm going to get into this place and fall on my face. Fail again. Not be able to keep up.

My experience has shown me that your confidence has waned but it will come back and stronger than before. More secure than you were before, deeper and stronger. You are a winner, step by step! You may be tired and make mistakes but so do we all. You will extend understanding to yourself as you would to another (like you do to us here).

What really bothers me is I am going to be responsible for peoples lives and well being, which I don't mind.....but, RN's are so overloaded with patients and it's non-stop, no time to slow down, no time for breaks. We show empathy to our patients, yet our employers don't show empathy to us. They give us too many patients. So many, we can't keep track. We feel useless....like we are fighting a war that can't be won.

You are right this is a huge responsibility and all medical people are overworked. You know this to be true. There are little gains as you know. Employers are employers and that happens everywhere not matter what you do. There is nothing wrong with using this nursing position to sustain you as you work on something else that may interest you down the road. As a matter of fact you may be able to work fewer days and try your hand at something less stressful. I know many who do this. Remember small steps.

I don't want to be back in that position again. I don't want to be in a position where I don't have a minute to pee, let alone get a sip of water, or take a deep breath. I don't want to be in a position where I can't escape if it gets too much for me. Where I have to take care of everybody elses needs accept my own!!

Although you may have to be in this position temporarily again you can now choose to be master over your career. By this I mean you can now write into your own career, time for you. They can have a piece of you but not all! No more! Never again!

I feel so selfish and guilty for feeling this way. Why can't I just feel happy and excited about my job, instead of anxious and terrified. I do love being a Nurse...but I don't know if I can handle sacrificing my emotional and mental health because the hospital administration wants to fluff their bottom line and short staff us to the point we take more patients then we should ethically be allowed.

Mixed emotions are real when one returns to work and know all that is on your plate. So, I reiterate it is time for taking steps to work at working at what it is you want to do to allow you to feel happy and excited again. Of course, in the meantime you have to do this little job for two months, one day at a time but allow yourself to dream. What will you contemplate and work towards for your very successful future work-life balance? Perhaps you can even set a little money set aside for a career coach to help you figure out what all of Elysium wants to do. You will have your nursing to sustain you while you figure it out. I have no doubt you are an amazing nurse. You have nursed many of us here! My question is what will we do without you ? (smile thinking fondly of Elysium)

I'm so tired. I just want to run and hide somewhere....and never come out.

You will have to make sure that all you do the first two weeks is work, eat and sleep (oh and check in here well maybe just a bit, okay?). Starting a new job, meeting some wonderful new people and just getting into routine is exhausting and exhilarating in itself.

Why is it always two steps forward and three steps back? I just don't know.....anything.

You know lots and well, the steps forward and back, you know them too. It is life.

You are a great nurse and will be great still, only now you know even more!

Sincerely & Respectfully,

Hunny

[Elysium]

AAaaaawww!!!

Thank you so much Hunny!! Your right...one day at a time!! I do have educational goals that I will be attending to this fall which will help me move out of Nursing...I think. I will be taking some courses to be a 911 dispatcher. It's a year program. I think this would better suit me down the road while I attempt my degree in Social Work.

I will check in!! I won't be here a lot over this next M-Th, but I will check in at night and stuff. I need my friends at PC!!! You are all such a big support for me.

Haven't slept much so my thoughts feel kind of disconnected so I'm going to go back to bed for a couple hours. Once I'm fully awake, I will read this again and get back to you later!!!!

Thanks again, Hunny!!

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

I feel so selfish and guilty for feeling this way.

Something good happens, the depressed feel selfish and guilty about it - we're not worthy of it or we'll mess it up. Something bad happens, the depressed feel selfish and guilty about it - we feel guilty about feeling bad or sad about something we "deserve." Anyway, these are my observations (most particularly of myself). Besides, I think you already know who really should feel selfish and guilty...

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

I do love being a Nurse...but I don't know if I can handle sacrificing my emotional and mental health because the hospital administration wants to fluff their bottom line and short staff us to the point we take more patients then we should ethically be allowed.

OK, that statement that should be sent directly to your elected representatives.

May your guilt and fear be replaced with happy excitement.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Elysium ))))))))))))))))))

[*freak*]

Don't feel selfish... I think it's normal that you feel anxious and scared, your job is very stressful and requires you to take on a hell of a lot of responsibilities.
Hunny gave you excellent advice: take it one day at a time and I'm sure you'll get less and less worried... Some things just need time...

Take care

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Elysium))))

I know you can do this even though it is hard. Yes, they do put so much on you----more than you should have----but in taking one day at a time, I believe that you can do this. Taking two steps forward and three steps back is the way it seems to always be----but as long as you keep pressing forward one of these days you will beat the steps and things will go forward. Know we are here to support you and that we do care very much. Hang in there and thank you for all the hard work you do. I know you are a good nurse.

dps