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Hi! I'm new to this site, but definitely not new to depression. When I was still a child (I'm now 39), I was admonished for being "too sensitive". In my teens and early 20's I was told that I was "uptight", "emotional", "easily offended", and "thin-skinned". I used street drugs at 20 and 21 to numb myself, so that I wouldn't take everything to heart. I was finally accurately dignosed in my early 30's, while in recovery (this time for alcohol) with bi-polar, depression, and ptsd. (The ptsd part was due to a series of violent relationships I'd been in, the last and final one resulted in me being stabbed numerous times in the genitalia). So, with a treatment plan consisting of paxil, sleep meds, and weekly counseling sessions, my life is pretty stable and once again, successful. There's certainly no more drugs or alcohol!
Throughout my life, I have never had a particularily high self esteem or sense of self-worth. I never really felt like I fit in anywhere, and although I have an exceptionally high I.Q., I am pretty sure that it was my looks that opened up so many doors for me in my life. I mention this because (I think) it has something to do with what's currently going on in my life.
Due to meds that I take for liver disease, (I have hep-c, cirrhosis, and pancreatic fibroids), Over the past two years I have gained around 40 pounds. And even though rationally I know that what really counts is on the inside, not outward appearances, (and my huge heart is probably my only redeeming quality), (there I go again!!!), I feel debilitated by this weight gain. When I get complimented on something that I'm wearing or a new hair-do; I honestly feel like I'm going to have a panic attack right there on the spot. I simply CANNOT take a compliment anymore without feeling as though these well-meaning people are thinking that "oh, if only she would lose that weight". Please understand that that is NOT how I feel when I look at someone, I've only ever been superficial about MY OWN looks, no one elses. So why can't I get it through my head that someone else may be as sincere as I am when I give a compliment? This has only been a minor issue with me throughout most of my adult life, it certainly never was as bad as it is as of late. (About the last 8-9 months). Anyway, as I said it is debilitating to me, I do not wish to go out and socialize, instead I prefer to stay in my own apartment, alone, reading or on the computer where no one can see me. I guess I also need for you all to understand that if I were someone else, I would think that I was really pretty, almost even beautiful. What the hell is wrong with me? My counselor is trying to grasp this change in me and can't figure out why, since I've never been the shallow type, I am allowing this to dictate my life. BTW, I am divorced but am WAY too afraid of rejectionb to put myself out there in the dating world again. Any advice will be appreciated from anyone. Thanks.

[depressedalaskan]

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[leahcim]

I tend to compliment people a lot. But they are sincere and I am not looking to boost my self esteem or have them like me because I have given them a compliment. I often engage people I barely know, like my dry-cleaner about his hobbies, etc...and have always done this. I just like talking to people, for the most part.

However, there are some people I know that have noticed this and think I have some kind of problem with my own self-esteem. And I noticed that they do not offer many compliments.

So, that being said I would say that most people are sincere in what they are saying to you. I just don't think that there are that many cruel people that would say something complimentary to you and not mean it.

[Naturefreak]

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I am so sorry to hear you are struggling with so much all at once.
I wish I could be of more help to you . I hope you find some answers here.
This is a great place for help and support . Take Care of Yourself

[ACanthony1984]

Hi unedited. I used to be a VERY thin skinned person and I've improved immensely with just the understanding of the following message (It's religious in its sentiment but can be applied to your life even if you're not religious).

"Offense is a stumbling block that Satan uses to keep many Christians from experiencing life to the fullest. You probably will not progress in your relationship with God if, every time someone hurts your feelings, you get offended. The word for offense that is used in the New Testament means "the part of the trap on which the bait lies to lure in its victim," and offense is part of Satan's trap to keep us from going forward in our walk with God. Decide to forgive others through the power of God's grace. If you're offended about something others did to you, ask God, May it not be held against them. Forgiveness is the solution."

If you're not religious, I'm sorry. However, think of it this way. If someone has something that's offensive or is critical, it's always about them and not about you. People express their insecurities by attacking others. By doing this, their fears can be kept in the dark. Keep your head held high. All is well.

[Fuzzybear]

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