[Cthomas]

that you take up too much of someones day? But its "not in a bad way"

And you are supposed to understand. Is there something wrong with me? or should I just be ok with this.

It wasnt said malicously but it struck a cord.

Colleen

[turquoisesea]

I don't think I have directly.
I've been told there's no time for me, or my mom would tell me she needs her "hour of kid free time".

I don't think it's wrong to be hurt by that statement. I'm sorry someone feels that way about you.

sending hugs, wish I had more to say...

[Cthomas]

Thank you. because they think I should be ok with this. that they cant imagine being without me for a day. But yet, a comment in passing, that I spend too much time.

Thought I was going crazy here. Thanks so much for being so wonderful turquoise. I know im not here often enough. But I am so working on stuff right now.

Between money and working side jobs. its been too busy.

me

[Sannah]

I'm not sure that I understand the situation Colleen????

[Cthomas]

I was told in passing that I am too needy all the time. That this person. says: "well id have more time for this or that but I spend so much of my time with you on the phone". thats not a criticism, just a fact. I dont mind being on the phone with you all the time, just stating that I would have more time to do other things If i werent preoccupied on the phone with you.

I took it as, "you are too needy"

Am I wrong?

me

[turquoisesea]

Maybe you should have talk with the friend about it? Say that you don't want to be needy and value the friendship, and maybe there's a way to do it in person not just over the phone?
Just trying for ideas

[Cthomas]

Hey, I appreciate the help, but they live in another state so that wont work. they call me a lot of the time too which is what set this off to begin with. then adding "I cant get through a day without talking to you". and it sets me as confused for the long run.

Im workin on it....

thx
C

[turquoisesea]

oh weird O.o
long distance is more difficult.

Best I can think of is talk to the person and figure out some limits and expectations?

[Cthomas]

Yea, after careful consideration. im putting the wall up again. Like Im going back to being a bit more distant.

I dont need people thinking im needy.

Just sets me back again. Thanks friend.... you are awesome.

C

[turquoisesea]

for what it's worth I dont' think you are needy, maybe it's more about putting stuff on different people so it even out and isn't too much to handle?

[Cthomas]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

for what it's worth I dont' think you are needy, maybe it's more about putting stuff on different people so it even out and isn't too much to handle?

Yea I guess....you have a point. Thanks!

C

Originally Posted by Cthomas

that you take up too much of someones day? But its "not in a bad way"

And you are supposed to understand. Is there something wrong with me? or should I just be ok with this.

It wasnt said malicously but it struck a cord.

Colleen

If it wasn't put as a joke.... I'd take that real hard.
I'd probally, for sure, thought they mean't it anyway.

It's a sad thing - our self-esteem.

Seems to just like when things seem to coming around a bit - something like that throws us off.

Here at forum - you NEVER take up TOO much time....all the time you want, THEY GOT

[Cthomas]

Originally Posted by starlite*111

If it wasn't put as a joke.... I'd take that real hard.
I'd probally, for sure, thought they mean't it anyway.

It's a sad thing - our self-esteem.

Seems to just like when things seem to coming around a bit - something like that throws us off.

Here at forum - you NEVER take up TOO much time....all the time you want, THEY GOT

Thanks Star, thats what I was thinking. Sadly enough its an all important person to me. so this hurts pretty big......

But I will figure it out.

Thanks much!!!! you are great!
Colleen

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Colleen )))))))))))))))))

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Cthomas

I was told in passing that I am too needy all the time.

You being needy was your interpretation, they didn't say that?

That this person. says: "well id have more time for this or that but I spend so much of my time with you on the phone". thats not a criticism, just a fact. I dont mind being on the phone with you all the time, just stating that I would have more time to do other things If i werent preoccupied on the phone with you.

I took it as, "you are too needy"

Am I wrong?

What were you all talking about that led to this comment?

Originally Posted by Cthomas

that they cant imagine being without me for a day. But yet, a comment in passing, that I spend too much time.

So they want to talk on the phone a lot too then?????

Originally Posted by Cthomas

I dont need people thinking im needy.

Why?

[Cthomas]

It started off with " i really have a ton of stuff to do, and "dont take this the wrong way, but, ive spent an awful lot of time on the phone with you so I havent had time for much else" "I mean dont get me wrong, I dont know that I could handle a day NOT talking to you, but I need to get things done"

Word for word......

[Sannah]

Why couldn't she handle a day without talking to you? Do you give her a lot of support?

[unedited]

[quote=Cthomas;1079985]that you take up too much of someones day? But its "not in a bad way"

And you are supposed to understand. Is there something wrong with me? or should I just be ok with this.

It wasnt said malicously but it struck a cord.

Colleen[/q

Colleen,
A few years ago, I had a friend who "took up too much of my day". Unfortunately though, I didn't tell her to back off ("not in a bad way"), and we are no longer friends. Please allow me tell you what I meant by that comment, so that you can continue your friendship in a healthier manner, before it's too late and she ditches you. Obviously, if it 'struck a cord' you probably already have an idea of what I'm going to say.
First of all, she was always complaining. Either she had a headache, she didn't have enough money, her job sucked, etc. etc. There wasn't a day that went by that everything was cool in her life. At times it seemed as if she actually LOOKED for things to whine about. I, on the other hand, am a really easy going. I don't take anything for granted, I'm generally a happy person; even though I have a terminal illness and live in constant pain. I look for the positive in every moment of every day.
Secondly, this girl was in an unhealthy relationship with a guy who was no good for her. That should not have affected my friendship with her except for the fact that she constantly dragged me into her heartache, always, always with comments like "you don't know what I'm going through" or "it's easy for YOU to tell me to leave him, it's not YOUR life that's going to be lonely". This was all the time with this girl. she would *****,*****,***** yet never do anything to change her life around to a happier one.
Third, there was ALWAYS some sort of chaos going on with her; Her boss cut her hours, her mom was hurt by something she did, her other friends weren't talking to her. It seemed like wherever she went, conflict followed her. Yet, it was SHE who was creating most of the drama in her life! She didn't take advice well, she talked more than she listened, and she always had to be right.
Colleen, what I mean by all this is.... this girl was wearing me out. Everytime I was around her, I would feel mentally and emotionally drained. She was too much negative energy, too needy, expected too much. And yet, due to her selfishness, she didn't see any of this. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If it does, please try to respect the boundaries of a healthy relationship with your friend. Respect her needs and stop being so toxic. I wish you well, for her to make that kind of comment, you're already on your last leg with her, beleive me. Please try to change for the better.

[turquoisesea]

just checking in sending hugs and hoping things are going alright

[Cthomas]

Colleen, what I mean by all this is.... this girl was wearing me out. Everytime I was around her, I would feel mentally and emotionally drained. She was too much negative energy, too needy, expected too much. And yet, due to her selfishness, she didn't see any of this. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If it does, please try to respect the boundaries of a healthy relationship with your friend. Respect her needs and stop being so toxic. I wish you well, for her to make that kind of comment, you're already on your last leg with her, beleive me. Please try to change for the better.[/quote]

Firstly lets get this straight. My husband is wonderful, my life is good. Im ticked off because Ive been told that I am too needy....for FAMILY???????????????? little background, I travel 3 to 5 times a year to be with this person, help them, help them move.

and stop being so toxic????????? are you serious?

Thanks for the advice.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Colleen ))))))))))))))
Thinking of you

[kebsfroggy]

I haven't ever had anyone say I was taking up too much of someones time. I have a couple of relatives that would like me to disappear.
I'm a frog of little brain so I am a little confused. There are 3 people in this scenario - you, the person who made the comment and the person that the comment was referring to.
I'm not sure I could give you any advice good, bad or otherwise. I know it gets you thinking. If you don't feel that you are spending to much time then perhaps it isn't that you spend too much time but that the other person (the one who made the comment) feels they are not getting enough.
Not very helpful, sorry

((((( Cthomas )))))

kebs

[Cthomas]

Thanks kebs, Turquoise, fuzzy......

You guys are the best.....

Colleen