The Frailty of Sanity

For the first time in 45 years I have begun to realize just how fraglie mental illness can be. At least for me.

For two days now...I have been teetering on the edge...three if you include this morning. I have felt like a piece of fine crystal just daring anyone to tap me, for in doing so I would simply shatter into tiny unfixable pieces.

(((((((((((((( bigcasper )))))))))))))))))))))

Sending you lots of hugs

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(((((bigcasper)))))) Sorry you are feeling so down. Interesting way to define life. Hmmm... And how can I catch you? Stop your crystal from falling? How can I help? Hugs for your day..

((((BigCasper))))) I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious and overwhelmed. I hope you don't shatter. I hope you can take care of youself so well that you get back to a safe place where you don't feel so vulnerable and frail. Please do what ever you need to do to feel safe again. We are hear to listen to you and offer support.

This week, no one can "catch" me and I know I won't shatter. At least I don't think I will, just feels like I might. Besides the place I would go if I did shatter is VERY undesirable...the local hospital psych unit...icky!! And I can't find any compassionate, smart, empathic words for anyone this week.

It is a rough week and will continue to be so. But I will survive. I have survived worse in the past. Today I received the dental quote to fix my teeth...$21,333. About twice what I had anticipated and none of it will be done anytime soon. This is a fact!

My daughter told me not to go the appointment this morning, since she knows how fragile I am right now, but I went any way. Why not, this week couldn't get any worse if I tried to make it so.

I just received my e zine (electronic newsletter) from PsychCentral in my Inbox. As always, lots of interesting articles (thank you DocJohn) and this one in particular caught my eye, " Mental Disorders Common Predictor of Suicidal Thoughts , Suicidal thoughts and behavior are linked to a range of mental conditions. No wonder I have been so suicidal for two decades!! LOL And I mean that in both a serious perspective and a comical perspective.

Excerpt: "Although depression is one of the strongest predictors of suicidal thoughts, disorders such as anxiety and poor impulse control apparently trigger people to act on such thoughts — especially in developing countries."

I will survive. My intellect tells me "this too will pass." It always does. I am smarter than this bag of tears I have become this week.

Thanks for listening to me today and for the hugs. Both are greatly appreciated.

I will just go back to my living room and my stitching stand and bury myself in my 39 yr old pasttime. My primary distraction that removes me from my spinning thoughts that I can't shed. Mermaids Folly...everyone should have at least one distraction in their life (gardening, crafts, etc.) that they can escape into and with.

Hang in there. You are loved.

Take Care.

(((bigcasper)))

BigCasper

(((((BigCasper))))) Wishing well. Hope you feel better soon.

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Wishing you strength.

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(((((bigcasper)))))

How are you doing today?

(((((bigcasper)))))
I hope you are feeling better today.