[uhhidk]

I've been feeling really down for the past few months now (since January) and I've never actually been happy exept for one time when I got a part in a play.

I have to hold myself together though for my family and friends. It's expected of me. I don't cry, I pretend I'm happy. It works, no one notices a difference. I'm happy and playful on the outside but that's just a shell of what I once was.

I'm sinking lower and lower and I'm finding it harder to hide it from my family. Sometimes, late at night, I just fall apart and crumble. Nothing's going right, something is always going wrong for me. I have pricked myself with a needle (SI?) and that made me feel better, for a little while at least...

I tried to tell my mom and sister that something was wrong but they brushed it off. "We'll monitor it, your just stressed out." This isn't stress.

I have many of the simptoms associated with depression, but my mom won't beleive that I'm depressed, mostly because I hide it from her.

How can I convince her I need help? I want to be happy again.

[Rohag]

Hello, Uhhidk!

Achieving a feeling of emotional relief from inflicting physical pain on yourself is definitely a sign something isn't right. You are correct in attempting to bring your sense of falling into depression to the attention of your mother.

It sounds from your post that family dynamics have foiled your early attempts to impress upon Mom the depth of your distress. You may not be the one to convince her. Do you have access now or will you soon have access to a school or community counselor? They may need to mediate with your mom on the basis of their expertise and position.

In any event, you would do well to have someone outside your family screen you for depression and other possible illnesses (other illnesses can mimic depression or exist alongside it). I wish you success - now is the time to act.

[Berries]

Welcome uhhidk to PC!

I agree with Rohag. You should try and seek professional help outside of your family and friends. A school councilor would be perfect if it is available to you.

In the meantime, please keep posting here on PC. The people here are awesome--supportive, empathetic, and wise. We are always ready to listen to what you have to say, even if you are just ranting or venting. And we will ALWAYS believe you.

Take Care and please try to be safe.

[depressedalaskan]

(((((uhhidk))))) Sorry you are feeling so low.

You said that you have talked to your mother and sister. What I read is that they are willing to monitor your illness to see if it is just stress, is that right? If it is and they are willing to monitor you I think I would find some way to explain how you really feel in another way than words - like share with them PC information on depression or another site on the Internet. By sharing they will also see that others live with depression every day.
If you do not feel comfortable with this idea I would do as the others have said and go to someone outside the family, counselor, doctor or therapist. Remember you are always welcome to post here. I wish you luck. Hugs for your day.

[uhhidk]

Thanks everyone for all your support =D

I think I'm going to talk to my counselor when school starts in a couple weeks. Posting here really helped me a bit, I guess it's because someone isn't just brushing off what I'm saying.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by uhhidk

I think I'm going to talk to my counselor when school starts in a couple weeks.

I think that is a great idea. Just be careful and don't under-exaggerate. Be as honest as you can be. Be sure and tell the conselor the REAL way you feel.
My first time with a doctor I was embarrased and wasn't clear on how distressed I was and he brushed me off, which just made me more miserable and ultimately self-harmful.

Originally Posted by uhhidk

Posting here really helped me a bit, I guess it's because someone isn't just brushing off what I'm saying.

Please feel free to post all you want. I'm glad it helped!!!!!!!

Wishing you strenght and peace (((((((((((uhhidk)))))))))))