[Seabirdanne]

I think the worst part of my situation is that I'm so poor, and I can't find a place to live that isn't stressful. I just moved, but, anymore, moving is just going from bad to worse. There's this weird neighbor situation here, and I called the city this afternoon just to ask what my options were, and they said I couldn't do anything unless I went to the city office and filed a complaint, which I did not do. But, apparently, they sent a cop to the neighbor's, anyway! I get a knock on the door and this big, hulking guy is yelling at me and flipping me off and everything else, because a cop came and asked him about the situation -- and, mind you, I never even filed a complaint or called the police. I just called the city to ask about my options.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm middle-aged. I'm poor. I'm mentally ill. And I have kept downsizing my hopes and downsizing my hopes until all I want out of life is a quiet, affordable little rental house somewhere without scary neighbors. But I don't think it will ever happen. My youth is long gone, and I see my life as an old lady stretching before me as just a succession of worse and worse and worse living situations. So why bother?

I know this is a big pity party, but, honestly. The only reason I moved the last time was because I had two cats, and I just couldn't face abandoning them or leaving them at a shelter. How can you improve your life when you can't keep a job? I've tried since June to get help from V.A. Voc Rehab -- the guy said I was eligible, but he hasn't returned a call or an e-mail in all this time.

Thank you all for reading this awful thing. I'm always out there posting rah-rah messages for other people -- like I know what other people need to do -- and yet I just flail and flail myself and I'm really afraid that one of these days I'm going to go under.

[depressedalaskan]

(((Seabirdanne))) Sorry to here you are down, also sorry I don't have an answer but I have hugs if they will help you.

[*freak*]

I'm verry sorry for your situation... I don't know what to suggest, I really wish I could help... I hope things will get better for you one day

[lynn09]

Sorry you're feeling so low, Seabirdanne. You write beautifully, you are very articulate, descriptive, and even portray emotions very clearly through your words. I could visualize the entire scene and situation you were describing. Have you considered doing any freelance writing? You have a computer and doing freelance you wouldn't have to be tied down to specific hours and locations; i.e., you could work when you felt like it. There are also publishing houses who send out manuscripts to individuals as independent editors. No high pressure, work from home, use your computer, make a little extra income - perhaps something like that could help you get out of the "scary" neighborhoods. You might even consider writing a book about your life journey since you have the ability to express so beautifully what so many others are feeling and experiencing but do not have the skills to express them adequately. I'm almost 60, disabled, poor, ill, and I understand your unease - just want a little peace and security. But, we're seasoned survival veterans, now; need to show these young pups how it's done. Hope you feel better soon and find some solutions. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

[Seabirdanne]

Lynn09, what a wonderful message. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it means.