[me.now]

Hello from me! I'm new here to PC.
Firstly, I'd like to start with my age- 15 and the fact that I'm a boy. I have been searching for many methods to clear myself from the problems but there was no right way for me so I came across this site.

I am feeling very unhappy right now and it is been so for 1 - 2 years or so. But in this moment I feel like the earth would collapse. As if there is nothing on the Earth that would make me happy and make me smile. I previously used to be a very active person with ambitions and goals. Right now I feel totally confused with myself and don't know what I should expect from life. Every day I just think about how lazy I became and think about my bad future because of this; so I begin to blame myself all the time for that. And after some time I feel no pleasure from my live, I sometimes thought about jumping from a top of a building because depression would kill me before I do. I want to talk to people and make friends but the problem is I am ashame of myself, as if I've done the worst thing on the world. But I didn't, I am 100% sure because I'm a good human. And this lack of personal contacts kills me too. Combined with no statisfaction and happiness it seems to be a magic circle that I cannot escape.

!!! Please help me, I need you because there's nothing better than others' opinion. !!!

[Tonny]

I am sorry you are hurting. Is there someone you can talk to? Your parents, a school counselor, or a doctor. They can help you address these feelings.

I can only send you hugs

[depressedalaskan]

((((me.now)))) Welcome to PC. Yes, if you are really really down it would be a good idea to talk to a professional. I am not saying, do not stay here. By staying here you will learn a lot of good stuff and meet some of the best people you will ever meet in your life. But we are not doctors, we share with you and help you along. But if you are way down please talk to your local doctor. Hugs for your day.

[me.now]

Thank you very much for your kind answers I will look for a specialist more possibly because my parents wouldn't understand me, they think it is stupid.

[Seabirdanne]

Originally Posted by me.now

Hello from me! I'm new here to PC.
Combined with no statisfaction and happiness it seems to be a magic circle that I cannot escape.

It is a magic circle -- a bad magic circle of negative thoughts and maybe depression. You need to get out of your own head -- that region of your head, anyway.

That's a good idea about looking for a counselor to talk to -- surely there's one at school. I don't know how big your home town is, but maybe you could find someplace to volunteer, someplace to think about someone other than yourself. Animal shelters always need people to spend time with the animals or even help with paperwork, etc. Nursing homes always welcome volunteers -- sometimes young people cringe at the thought of that, but you have no idea how much joy you would bring by going there. Even smaller towns often have a food bank sort of thing these days -- and they always need help. And if you live in a bigger city, maybe there is a food kitchen or something you can help with.

I know that all sounds "ooh, happy ending" and all, but, really, I've volunteered at animal shelters and I got great exercise walking dogs as well as just the benefits of getting out and seeing people and bringing a few minutes of joy to beings whose lot was even worse than my own. Animal shelters are great, I think, for people with social anxieties because you don't have to spend the whole hour or afternoon with people -- and there's no such thing as social anxiety around dogs, in my opinion!

But that's me. You know what type of activity would be good for you. The main thing is, get out of that nasty circle of negative thoughts!!! Look beyond them to what you can do to make your life better. You can do it.

[turquoisesea]

hey there me.now and to PC

I'm glad you came here. It's really important and helpful to have someplace to talk about how you're feeling. PC is a good place to start. So keep posting here, you're welcome here and I'd love to hear what you have to say.

You shouldn't blame yourself for what's happening to you. Depression is not laziness. It's a medical condition. It's also often very misunderstood by people, so I agree if you can get a specialist/therapist to help you out this would be good. They are trained to help in these situations and if nothing else give you a safe environment to talk in.

Especially since you're thinking of tall buildings, and feel like depression is "killing you", please do seek professional help. Thing is, depression is very treatable, but it mostly can't get much better unless you reach out for help. I'm so glad that you've started that by coming here, but it would be great if you went the other step to see a professional (if that is possible). You can also try your general doctor - call in saying you're "sick" and they can sometimes give advice about it (especially if you're worried about how your parents will react/if you don't want them to know).

In my opinion it is MUCh better to get help from someone other than a school counselor, if at all possible. But I don't know your background, so do what you can.

Sending hugs, if that's ok. Hoping to see more posts from you

[Seabirdanne]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

hey there me.now and to PC

In my opinion it is MUCh better to get help from someone other than a school counselor, if at all possible. But I don't know your background, so do what you can.

Yeah. I certainly didn't mean for you to limit yourself to a school counselor. But it's a place to start. And I think, since you spend so much time in school during the week, that it would be good if someone there knew how you're feeling and what you're up against. But counselors are like anyone else -- some you're comfortable with and some you're not. So definitely just find someone you're comfortable with to talk to, and try to find something in your spare time so that you don't just sit going around and around in the "magic circle" of your negative thoughts. Keep us posted.

[trevorzero]

You should realize that every 15 year-old experiences plenty of confusion and self-doubt about their life. Clearly, you are depressed, but many of the problems that you are facing are shared by every other kid that you see walking down the halls of your school.

So don't think of yourself as being more alone and isolated than you really are. In many ways, you are just one of the crowd. I'm sure you can find some other kids to talk to about these things if you open up a little. Don't shield yourself from others quite so much. Let a little sunshine in.

[*freak*]

I too think seeing a professional would be a good idea. In the meantime feel free to post here anytime, we'll listen and try to help to the best of our abilities

Take care

[me.now]

All of you are very nice! I think I made the first step when I went in the city to shop. It's an area where there is a big crowd of people so I begin to get in rhythm with the social life. The next step I think is our trip to the mountains with the family for tomorrow. I think it would make at least a bit difference in the everyday life. Then on monday I'll be meeting early in the morning a girl, actually a class mate, who we work together in the school interests club. We are going to discuss our new campaigns for the school year, including an anti- AIDS one. This sort of activity would certainly bring me back the feeling of the personal statisfaction. Later I'll be meeting a big group of friends becuase we haven't met for a long time.

So, I'm definitely happy I began to feel a difference. I can actually confirm that sharing my story with someone (e.g. you all) helped a lot, at least gave a good boost for something new. I'm still thinking about personal advice from a specialist, I also talked to my mum and she said: 'If you have to, then you will...'

I can't say the feeling is totally gone but I think I now have the strength to change thanks to you.

P.S. I finally sat down to learn Italian seriously and that makes me happy too, I am statisfied.

[Seabirdanne]

Originally Posted by me.now

So, I'm definitely happy I began to feel a difference. I can actually confirm that sharing my story with someone (e.g. you all) helped a lot, at least gave a good boost for something new. I'm still thinking about personal advice from a specialist, I also talked to my mum and she said: 'If you have to, then you will...'

I can't say the feeling is totally gone but I think I now have the strength to change thanks to you.

P.S. I finally sat down to learn Italian seriously and that makes me happy too, I am statisfied.

I'm so glad!!! Have a great weekend!

[lynn09]

Welcome to PC, (((((me.now))))). Sounds like your hazy day is starting to clear - I'm glad. Depression can be like a maze that you can't find your way out of without the help of those who are familiar with it, as well as someone on the outside to help lead you out. Please know we will all be here if you need us.

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by trevorzero

Clearly, you are depressed, but many of the problems that you are facing are shared...don't think of yourself as being more alone and isolated than you really are.

(((((me.now))))

As someone who sometimes loved life and sometimes hated life at age 15, I am sorry you have had such negative thoughts. I have battled with suicidal ideation since I was 13 and I remember times of great despair and times of great hope. It wasn't until I was older that I learned I was not as isolated as I thought I was. I'm glad you have some good social interaction lined up and that you are focusing on Italian. I had fun with foreign languages, too.

I agree with others who have suggested seeing a school counselor. I did therapy with a school counselor once and it worked out okay. If you don't actually want to do therapy with them, they can be good resources (as someone else also said). Ugh! I don't want to just repeat stuff, but I happen to agree.

Keep posting as needed. This is a safe place.