[Tmac]

So I have not had much of a summer reason being I was 302ed not once but twice. the first one was June 23 and I was away till July 10th. That was my first T that dumped me by email and voice mail stating that in a private practice that shw felt i needed to seen 2xs a week. So now I am under the county mental health services for treatment. The 25th I met with my ICM then had therapy. She didn not think I was safe even thought I mae a safety contract that was not good enough and took me to see my psychtrist and he agreed. So the next thing a police officer and am ambulance showed up for me.This time was August 25th till Sept 4th. I guess what has me down is the truth that I have had 3 shrinks tell me the same thing and I was BPD, Bipolar. I guess it is hard too accept this I also have PTSD and major depression.

Even more depressing is my family. Last night I heard all about how I was fine before I started seeing my initial psychologist and started taking meds. I am different person and how much different I was a year ago. These things cause my black thoughts and feelings, not to mention the racing and intrusive thoughts. I am afraid to go ack to see my T or shrink. I am very afraid to go for fear that they might try to 302 me again. I am very depressed about getting locked away again or even being truthful to my T or PDoc anymore.I am just not sure what to do at this time. I feel lke I have a dard shroud over me. I also want to figure out how to get out of a 302. Not to mention most inpatient programs have no smoking which caused more stress with the last 302 because they had no smoking. I got so frustrated I punched a hole in the crisis holding room. Well I better go b\c my minds racing and im getting more depressed over all of it including living like this.

[Beholden]

(((((Tmac)))))

Hope you feel better soon and I'm sorry for your problems.

Please take care of yourself.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Tmac

So I have not had much of a summer reason being I was 302ed not once but twice. the first one was June 23 and I was away till July 10th. That was my first T that dumped me by email and voice mail stating that in a private practice that shw felt i needed to seen 2xs a week. So now I am under the county mental health services for treatment. The 25th I met with my ICM then had therapy. She didn not think I was safe even thought I mae a safety contract that was not good enough and took me to see my psychtrist and he agreed. So the next thing a police officer and am ambulance showed up for me.This time was August 25th till Sept 4th. I guess what has me down is the truth that I have had 3 shrinks tell me the same thing and I was BPD, Bipolar. I guess it is hard too accept this I also have PTSD and major depression.

Even more depressing is my family. Last night I heard all about how I was fine before I started seeing my initial psychologist and started taking meds. I am different person and how much different I was a year ago. These things cause my black thoughts and feelings, not to mention the racing and intrusive thoughts. I am afraid to go ack to see my T or shrink. I am very afraid to go for fear that they might try to 302 me again. I am very depressed about getting locked away again or even being truthful to my T or PDoc anymore.I am just not sure what to do at this time. I feel lke I have a dard shroud over me. I also want to figure out how to get out of a 302. Not to mention most inpatient programs have no smoking which caused more stress with the last 302 because they had no smoking. I got so frustrated I punched a hole in the crisis holding room. Well I better go b\c my minds racing and im getting more depressed over all of it including living like this.

Sorry you are lost. I am not a doctor but I feel that to get better we have to work with them or get a 2 second opinion. Sending you hugs.

[Naturefreak]

(((Tmac)))

[Rohag]

Hi, Tmac! I sorry your summer was so disrupted. What you describe is genuinely depressing! Did the hospitalizations help at all?

Yes, I think you do need to research the 302 process and its legal nuances. You deserve to be informed.

Best wishes for staying safe and out of institutions!

[(JD)]

yes, I'm sure that being 302d even once is traumatizing in itself!

Family rarely understands, even when a doctor explains. However, if they truly think the medication is causing you to be 'darker' in your thinking, they need to tell your doctors this. It could be true, you know? Not everyone can take any meds and have them work fine for them. You might need a med change. It could be contributing to your feelings.

But, also, it could be that family ignored how you were going downhill and only noticed once you began to share in therapy and begin to ask some questions or find some answers to it all.

Bipolar Disorder is a very tough disorder to balance...and it often takes a very long time to find the right combination and right dosage of medication. You might keep a journal so that you can help the doctor track how you are feeling over time.

Hang in there. You won't always feels so bad. You're on the right path. I know it's tough to be hospitalized, but sometimes it's necessary. It isn't because of you, it's because of your disorder. You are not your disorder and your disorder is not who you are.

[googley]

((((((Tmac))))) I am sorry you had such a stressful summer. It sounds awful that your former Ts did not discuss with you there concerns before they 302ed you. I can see why you would feel uncomfortable opening up to your new T and Pdoc. I would discuss with them your worries about what they may do if you tell them what is going on. If you tell them what happened in the past then they may be more sensitive to making sure that you are involved with decision making in your treatment. I hope you talk to them even if it is hard.

[Beholden]

Tmac,

thank goodness for people here at PC who can really give you something concrete. I have no experience in bipolor disorder, but my heart goes out to you.

I think the other posters, expecially the one Sky gave are sound advice. And it is so difficult to make the right moves when you aren't thinking well.

And family members really haven't lived inside your head to know what it is really like for you. Only you know that. Doctors can only explain so much to them.

I have/had only a mild form of short term depression, but it comes back sometimes when I get too stressed, etc....blah blah blah, but my daughter has had a hard time getting her head around that. She truely doesn't understand. She has said to me before, it is only a feeling.

They had a dear friend commit suicide a few weeks ago, and she said she was so mad at him for the act, from a religious point of view. I tried to get her to understand that he was most likely depressed. Depression is a mental illness and sometimes others don't see it for what it is. You just get the help YOU need and ask you docs to help you with the medication if it really isn't helping as much as you think it should. Reread Sky's great sounding advise.

We want you here at PC.