[sarahbarah]

here i go again...sorry i just need to write it all out out of my head maybe to a place where someone might care... i hate being sad i hate it it drives me crazy. there is nothing more in this world i want then to be happy, but i can't.
I am alone, always alone, moved to a new place don't really know anyone. i have no one to turn too, i have no reason to have friends maybe i just, need to suck it up. its what i have done for the last 8 years of my life....i am so sick of hearing people come down on people with mental illnesses. that all we have to do is find Jesus or just making fun of that in general. it just makes me madder than ever, makes me feel like crap like i just make this all up. this makes me want to yell at them and just tell them maybe they need to find Jesus, etc. but i don't i just keep it all inside. i hate this new insurance because it won't cover my meds, or a p- doc or anything cause i have a preexsisting condition...everything i just am sick of everything. i am just happy i have a job i love. that is the only good thing in my life right at this moment. ill end on that positive note. at least i love my job

[Rohag]

Hi, SarahBarah

Originally Posted by sarahbarah

i just need to write it all out out of my head

Go for it! Your initial post seems short in view of loneliness and...

Originally Posted by sarahbarah

i am so sick of hearing people come down on people with mental illnesses.

Are you referring to people in general or are some specific people coming down on you personally?

Having a job you love is wonderful, but it doesn't cure Depression. Apart from PC, are are there any resources in reach at present?

Short of a cure for Depression, I wish you relief from loneliness.

[justfloating]

(((((((((sarahbarah)))))))))


I am sick of people who come down on the mentally ill too. I have walked out of rooms where the discussion has turned to mental illness and the consensus that the mentally ill "just aren't trying hard enough". It's pure ignorance and if there is anyone in your life coming down hard on you about your mental health, please don't listen to them. They have no idea what they're talking about! YOU know it's more complicated than that, and that's what counts.

Are there any support groups in your area that you might be able to join? Your T or Pdoc might be able to recommend some. You'd be able to connect with people in a similar situation as you, and build up the support network you need to deal with your depression. I know what it's like to be all alone in a new place -- add depression into the mix and it's AWFUL. It's sort of a vicious circle -- loneliness in a new place leads to feeling depressed, which leads to more loneliness, which leads to more depression ...

Sending lots of hugs. I hope that you feel better soon. Also, I'm SO happy that you're enjoying your job! Maybe you can focus on your work for a while; devoting time to something you enjoy might give your mood a boost.

[Berries]

Even if you don't have insurance there are ways to get help.

If you are in the US, there might be a county mental health clinic in your town/city. They will have afordable Ts and Pdocs. Also a lot of Ts and pdocs have sliding scale fees, you pay what you can aford. And a lot of clinics and private clinics have free samples of meds.

NAMI is a good organization that may be able to help you figure all this out too. Plus they have free support group meetings.

They have a web site.

I'm so sorry you are so sad and lonely. I can relate.

[theotterone]

Unfortunately, we have that "mentally ill" stigma no matter where we go.

When I got fed up with dating (at the ripe age of 21, and not that you are looking for a relationship, but the advice applies) my mom gave me the best advice:

"Go out and do things you are interested in. You will find people who have the same interests!"

So I took my ball python to a herpitological society meeting (I know, I am one WEIRD female!) and my now husband (INTRAVERT!) walked up to me and introduced himself.

Look into hobby groups that interest you. You don't have to know everything about it, or even do the chosen hobby well, but you can learn more about it while meeting new people. You will already have something in common with them, like us here!

I don't know if you are shy (never has that word been used to describe me, so sometimes I am clueless when it comes to shyness) but I hope this helps!

[lynn09]

[quote=sarahbarah;1146240 i hate this new insurance because it won't cover my meds, or a p- doc or anything cause i have a preexsisting condition[/quote]
Hi, (((sarahbarah))). Can you talk to your primary care medical doctor about your meds? Some manufacturers have special programs to help people get their meds for a reduced fee or even free. Also, there are many charitable organizations who provide group therapy for free or for a very inexpensive fee - just look in the telephone book for charitable organizations and call each one to find out what programs they offer - they can also refer you to other organizations they know about. There are also county and state programs available depending on where you live. Glad you have a job you love to help anchor you a bit right now - that's a big plus. Please let us know how you are doing.

[billieJ]

People DO NOT understand. Unless you are missing all your limbs, they assume that you can "just snap out of it;" "just get out among people;" "just don't think about it; "count your blessings", etc. I'm not saying that finding Jesus wouldn't be an answer, but some people find that easy to do, and some of us just don't. Some people have flawless skin, wear a size 4, whistle while they work, and "never have had that problem." It's okay. The world is certainly not fair or balanced. The universe is well balanced. If it weren't, it would all be one be gravitational lump, with no survivors. I have to and do assume that there will be a good day for each bad one. I tend to measure 26 out of 30 on the depression scale, so I figure I have more than 50 years of good days coming sometime. I had a psychology professor/therapist who told me one day that "billie, people are just stupid. You have to take that into consideration." Hallalooyah for those who have found Jesus. I think it's a wonderful thing. But the missions church told me the same thing, and I became so sick with the thought that there was something spiritually wrong with me, that I had to change to a more theological-approach church. Tell the stupid people who say such things just to be grateful that they are not feeling what you are feeling. billieJ

[lonegael]

When I told my parents that I was bipola, my mother immediately began to freak out about all the crime novels she reads here the bad guy has "Manic-depression". My father actually snapped at her, which is rare. He works in a profession where a significant minority of those he has as colleagues are bipolar to some extent, so he knows the stereotypes don't hold. My mother, though is stubborn.

I, too, get tired of hearing people either say or insinuate that my illness is a:cowardice (I don't want to face the world) b) lazyness (I don't really want to work) c: an attempt to get attention (OOO, worst of all!) I have a hard time taking that from people who basically would have sat down and peed in their pants if they had had to face just one of the things that I have had to deal with in my life. Yes, I got my degree late. Yes, I am stress sensitive. Yes, I am relatively unambitious. But you know, most of the people I meet who have those attitudes would never be able to go the distance at all. My "illness" is not fun, but it has actually given me a heck of a lot of insight, empathy, and appreciation for my boundaries. It has also given me a view of what I can do f I challenge those boundaries. So called "healthy" people who mock this are often far less healthy than they think. End of sermon.

Luckily, I got moth of my religious schooling from my Dad, so although i have felt that there is a spiritual component to my problems at time, this is distinct from the bipolar itself. The devil will take whatever foothold he can get Praying more might help some stuff, but it don't touch my brand of troubles. Hang in there ((((Sarahbarrah)))).

[Naturefreak]

I've given up on the people that don't want to understand my illness.
I just accept that and only talk to the ones that are willing to listen
and try to understand were I am coming from .
Nobody stays happy all the time , just a little piece of happiness keeps me going. I hope you find peace and the amount of happiness you are looking for , Take care of yourself .

[Berries]

(((((((((((sarahbarah))))))))))))

How are you doing these days, Sarahbarah? Please let us know?

[Wants2Fly]

I have some thoughts about the stigmatization of mental illness, and I figured I might be brave enough to test a few.

First, I don't think that not being depressed and being happy are the same thing. Depression is an oppressive condition that saps all meaning from my world. I can be crazy with grief, loss, and sadness -- and these can be meaningful. Why should I not experience grief and sadness if I lose someone or something I loved or valued? Grief and sadness are part of the human condition; the desire to be happy all the time is not reasonable.

I dread feeling nothing at all and the enervating fatigue as more dreadful than being genuinely sad, which at least is a feeling and an indication of being involved with life.

[FeelingHopeful]

Makes Sense. Feeling Nothing at all is a scary thing. Feeling sadness is still feeling in this life though its sad. Hence my name.

[sarahbarah]

i am doing alright, i am just exhausted more than anything. I am just trying hard not to pay attention to all the mental illness, its a choice crap i hear almost everyday, not to me cause people don't know that about me, but to other people and stuff. i really don't know about anything right now, just trying to only focus on working and trying to stay motivated to get my school work done...I appreciate all the posts, thank you all for the support you are showing.

[sarahbarah]

Originally Posted by Wants2Fly

I dread feeling nothing at all and the enervating fatigue as more dreadful than being genuinely sad, which at least is a feeling and an indication of being involved with life.

I wish i just felt nothing at all again, it has been about a year since i started to feel again, and i just want back to not feeling cause i feel like i can handle life better than...

[Berries]

(((((((((((sarahbarah)))))))))))

Thank you for giving us an update.

Hang in there.

Wishing you strength to get through this.

Please keep posting and reaching out to your friends here.