But I just can't seem to most of the time. When my depression hits, all I can see are my numerous flaws. I look in the mirror and hate everything I see. Why can't I just see the good in me? Why do I have to live a life where I hate everything about me? Why can't I believe all the nice things that are said about me? Even when I'm not depressed, I still have a hard time finding the good in me.

Ry

[jmo531]

Ryan,

I think we all have a problem with this. Those of us who suffer from depression. That is part of the disease. Seeing the worst in ourselves and not being able to love ourself. I have ben working on this in therapy. I have come to the conclusion that in order to love myself, I have to know myself. For me, that is the place where I am at right now. I started making notes in my journal about positive things. Wants2Fly actually promted me to do this. I think if you try to dwell on the positive instead of the negative after a while it might start to sink in.
Your a wonderful person. You have always been so kind, caring and supportive. You have so much to look forward to these next few weeks and I know that must be very overwhelming for you. I know that alone is a lot to handle. Slow down, breath, relax........you are good, your are nice, you are kind, you are caring, you have a good heart. Start repeating that to yourself sweety. I know it's hard, but your not alone. Much love to ya sweety. Please take good care of yourself.

((((((((((((((((((((((RYAN)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[pebblypoo]

Are you reading my mind? I haven't been too fond of myself either, lately. I hate it when I get these felings of being overwhelmed, like I'm in a pit and more and more crap just keeps getting dumped in on me and I'm being buried..... suffocated by it. When I feel this way I try to remember all the other times I've felt this bad, and that it usually eases up. So, I let myself feel it and try not to hate myself even more for "not loving myself" if that makes any sense. You're not alone in these feelings.

[dovemt]

You won't believe you are a child of God, full of wonder, full of compassion and love for others until you start giving of yourself in little ways each and every day. I believe I am here to do what little I can to help ease someone else's suffering. Spending the 20 or 30 minutes speaking to my elderly neighbor who tells me the same stories every time I see him. But he gives me more than I give him when I see him smile. I give him a big hug and it fills my soul. How can I despise anything about me when I bring joy to another human being? Isn't this why we are here on this planet? I will do small things for people in great need and they in turn will feel love and hope. It is contagious.

Thing is, dove, that I give until I'm dry and I still never feel better. Thanks guys for the support.

(((((Dove)))))
(((((Jen)))))
(((((Pebbly)))))

Ry

[January]

Ryan,

I know that our depression robs us of any objectivity about ourselves. It lies to us. You have changed and grown so much in these past months. Your progress is amazing.

Yet, even in January, you were kind, loving, giving, patient, and so much more. You are a good person, Ryan, or I would not want to be your friend, much less your twin.

I don't have any answers and I wish to heaven I did. I do know that when I'm at the bottom of the pit, I get a reality check from you to know I'm ok. So, I'll be your reality check and when you're at the bottom of the pit, I'll let you know that you are the best, because you are.

Twin