no more chat

I think I should stay out of the chat rooms for a little while. I just end up pissing people off. The weird thing is that no one ever has a problem with me during the day. It's just when I get on in the early hours of the morning when I can't sleep. I hate people being mad at me and sometimes I don't relize what I've said can be hurtful til it's already on the screen. Then After I relize people are mad at me I get upset. It's so stupid really. Cause then not only do I not have my family and friends, but I also don't have the people here, which makes me feel really alone and completely worthless. Now I feel like every time I get on the chat those people that didn't like the things that I said are sitting around hating me and waiting for me to leave, but I can't leave cause then I start to think too much and that leads me to bad places mentally. They left me to go talk in a password protected room. I would have just left if they had asked me to. If anyone is still reading this, you can stop. I just don't want to have nothing to do right now, so I decided to start typing and just keep going til I'm okay again. Even the people who didn't say anything just left. Meaning they didn't want me around. I don't know why I have to be so stupid sometimes. I should have known not to say what I did, but I was upset from an earlier conversation and they just kept going on about it and I had to say something. I should have just kept my mouth shut. but I didn't. And there is nothing I can do about it now. at least thats what I keep telling myself, I can tell myself that all day long but it won't make me believe it. But I have to. I promised myself I would stop thinking so much and gosh darn it I mean it. I think I'm alright. If you read the whole thing, i really sorry for having wasted your time with my rant.

((((Amashel)))) Sometimes folks who don't feel well can be very sensitive. It could be that when you type at night your internal editor is tired and not screening out as much, meaning that you might just have more trouble controling what you write, I imagine. I don't chat myself because I can be rather abrupt, especially if I am tired or manicky. Some folks can't handle me like that and I don't see why they should. I can't judge your case, but I know you are hurting from it. Maybe a veteran chatter can help you out in a gentle way? Hope you find some answers

Maybe next time you can establish your own private chat room with someone you feel comfortable with. Then you should have a much more controlled situation.

Hi amashell, don't beat ya self up too much! We all say an do things we know we shouldn't but it doesn't stop us! You do still have ppl on here that care! So don't think you have no one. I know how lonely that feels an it isn't good! Pls take care an be safe. sending this msg with hugs

Hon don't beat yourself up about it.

I say (often!) I suffer from "Foot In Mouth Disease". Luckily, since starting treatment for ADHD, my brain has slowed way down. I still do it occasionally, but my FIM incidents are fewer.

Put a note on your computer to remind you to read what you wrote before you hit "enter". I know it can be hard, especially when the conversation is moving so fast. I find reminders like this helps to make them habits. I work in a call center and have to watch my tone of voice and such ALL the time. Doesn't matter if I have a bad day, I HAVE to keep it out of my voice.

I have found PC to be a very supportive place and I have yet to feel as if I was being "judged". Hang in there and know we DO support you!

Ama enough people in this world judge us harshly
without us doing it to please remember that you are human
and therefore you make mistakes its all good
the amount of times my mouth has got me in trouble well lets just say
I cannot count that high,please if you feel strongly enough
to back away from chat for your own good thats ok but not if you are feeling forced thats wrong.
Maybe you would feel better if you wrote to each person individually
and apologised if you wish other wise pick yourself up and brush yourself off and say ok lets start again and see if we cannot get it "right" this time.

safe gentle hugs