Sorry to be a downer, just don't read this, it doesn't matter at any rate. I try to be more positive but I need to vent.



I was getting ready for a conference I'm going to tomorrow and while looking for some notes I found some old stuff I wrote and I found an old list of goals/things I wanted to accomplish I wrote a few years back, hadn't dated it.

I'm really a failure.
I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile in my life and I probably never will. I'm a rubbish friend, I'm idiotic, I'm thoroughly messed up and too inpatient with recovery if you can even call it that because I'll always doubt if I can ever become something normal or better.
It's sad. People around me have things they've actually done in their lives and I'm just a lowlife forgotten idiot. I mess up people's lives unintentionally and I'm a waste of space.

[turquoisesea]

one thing you mentioned, that you're going to a conference tomorrow, caught my attention.

That means you have a job.

You HAVE done something with your life. And you can still go farther.

Hold onto the things you HAVE accomplished as well as what you haven't done. They are more important. And remember there still is a future.

[VickiesPath]

((((((((((((((((((( Fenir )))))))))))))))))))))

Please listen to what I have to say.

I have an IQ in the genius category.

I am 56 years old. I did manage to scrape by with enough credits to get my B.A. in 1977. And, I did manage to work on and off since then. But in 2004, I couldn't work anymore because of a combination of physical issues and mental health issues. I've had bipolar illness since I was a child but wasn't diagnosed accurately until five years ago.

I always beat myself up because I felt like I never fulfilled my potential. My baby sister has an IQ a little above average. She has a Ph.D. in Geology and is a Vice-Chancelor of a major university. However, she has no mental illness.

My therapist asked my to forgive myself for having bipolar. I told her I never felt angry that I had bipolar. After all, why not me? It was only a genetic crap shoot. What I needed to forgive myself for was not fulfilling my potential. The truth was, I was busy doing other things.

They say that your IQ does not determine success. Your EQ determines success. EQ = Emotional Quotient Those who have challenges in the area of emotional stability will always have difficulties the average person does not face.

[Sabrina]

I am sorry that you feel this way about yourself. It is simply not true. I'm probably not being much help but I have always found you to be a very nice, kind and supportive person here at PC. You have worth. For what it's worth. (((Fenrir)))

[Rohag]

Hi, Fenrir! I expect you're already off at your conference now. I hope the content and day-to-day activities of the conference take the edge off your negative feelings, at least for a while.

Originally Posted by Fenrir

I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile in my life...
People around me have things they've actually done in their lives...

What kind of things do you envision here? What does "worthwhile" mean to you? (No need to answer to anyone but yourself.)

Me - I long ago gave up hope of ever becoming the answer to a Trivial Pursuit question.

[Berries]

(((((((Fenrir)))))))))

I can relate.

[lonegael]

(((((Fenir))))) Me too. spent years feeling like that. Now I just don't have time. Not to bagatellize what you're going through. maybe you need to reevaluate what success means to you? sometimes we are our own worse judges.

[pegasus]

((((((( Fenrir )))))))

We have known each other a while now. You are a survivor and have been through so much. So much grief and pain. You have made progress, it feels small but it is massive. You may slide back from time to time. The thing is not to beat yourself up about that. Keep on moving forward.

[trevorzero]

I hope that the only standard that you judge yourself by is your own and not society's. It is possible for you to be a success if you establish your own personal groundrules.

Were you nice to someone recently who didn't deserve it? Then you were behaving in a worthwhile manner. That was a SUCCESSFUL act. You are achieving numerous little things all the time that demonstrate your value as a decent human being and I hope you will start awarding yourself the credit that you are due.

I agree with everyone else here.

Besides, Rome wasn't built in a day, if I remember correctly you are still a really young guy, even if you feel old. You have made accomplishments, even if they feel really small, they are still accomplishments and you still can do a lot more with your life if you want to, and you have the time to do it too even IF it goes slowly

PS: No need to feel sorry for being "a downer" it's okay

[theotterone]

Rome wasn't built in a day...yep...true. Then again, God didn't make the world in a day either...

I am 34 years old, have needed a full time job since I was 19. I have failed 3 attempts at college. I "job hopped" every 2 years or so my entire adult life. (I'd get bored with the job and my performance would go down. I can say with honesty now that I would quit before I could be fired and used references only from jobs where I was "down sized" or let go due to something not caused by me.) I just celebrated 3 years at my current job (it was 3 1/2 years if you counted my time here as a temp). This job is challenging enough I have stayed interested.

Write a list of what you HAVE done. It's hard! I am still working on my list of "strengths" my ADHD coach is having me work on, and I have been at it for a month! Hang in there and know we think you are worth caring for!

The conference was fine- it wasn't a work thing, though. Out of work general interest thing I'm involved with.

Thanks everyone, but I just feel useless. People around me, my friends, do things with their lives and have done things with their lives. I haven't done anything, all the dreams I've had are now impossible to achieve. I don't to actually achieve something worthwhile, not something small or trivial. I have nothing to show for my life except scars and how ****** a person I am.

Stuck in a rut, I guess.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Fenrir )))))))))))))))
I don't have the right words, you absolutely aren't a ****** person though, or useless....you're kind, caring, thoughtful, intelligent and a survivor.

[lonegael]