[starrina]

I have talked before about my daughter and how she is
with her anger etc, so I finally left and the truth is there is no real guilt for that I really thought there would be lots of guilt and tears but no I hardly cried at all sure I miss my son and my smoky ( cat) but not really her or him (ex)
why is that not sure really,not even sure I care to know but now my daughter is telling me that I have to earn a relationship with her huh wtf I said to her well sweety you will need to do the same because you are the one that pushed to far all the time yelling and screaming and throwing things and kicking hitting etc etc etc, but hey guess what no it was not her at all it was all me all my fault well heck yea I take responsability for my part sure but I wont take hers no way.

She asked will we ever see you again and I said yes you can come here and I can go there well that meet with Im not going down there I asked why not I wont fly she said so I told her she can catch a train or a bus but again no way well whatever I love my kids but why is it that she makes me feel so I do not even know anymore what she makes me feel if I get a little loud when talking to her I am yelling despite the fact that I have a naturally loud voice
they do not ring me nor initiate conversation on msn with me so do you think it wrong if I simply stop and wait for them to come to me?.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Starrina

...I take responsability for my part sure but I wont take hers no way.

Good for you, Starrina!

Originally Posted by Starrina

...do you think it wrong if I simply stop and wait for them to come to me?

I personally don't think of this as a question of "right" or "wrong"; it's more a question of what you seek to achieve in your relationships with them and what is realistically possible.

From your descriptions, I'm not sure anything you do or say at this time will influence your daughter to want to improve her relationship with you. You can be civil and loving with her, but you cannot control or be responsible for the way she feels.

I hope you can keep the lines of communication open (from your end, at least) and wish you insight and healing.

[JudeeB]

In my life it has been necessary to step away from toxic relationships. Some people I have to love from afar. It's called self-care, and no, it's not selfish. There are peole who abused me and who I have forgiven yet that does not mean I will ever attempt to have a relationship with them. I have filled my life with SAFE, caring people. They are my "family of choice".

I support your decision, knowing how hard it can be and how much guilt it can stir up. In my opinion, it is still the best thing at this time.

just my thoughts,
Judy