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Rohag · Nov 24, 2009, 09:50 PM

Kaika!

I'm sorry...somehow all this passed me by. I wish you could enjoy and not have to tolerate the holiday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lonegael

The sad thing about people like that is that even if you get pushed over the edge, they will NEVER understand their role in that. You'll be the only one hurt.

Too true. I've encountered people like that.

Nov 25, 2009, 01:19 AM

I could enjoy the holidays with them, but it just depends on how they act and how I react. I know I'm the one with the major malfunction, being very sensitive about religious discussions and even some of that self-help books they read every once in awhile. I don't think the why aspect is important, I don't really care why it bothers me, and they shouldn't have to know either. Just that it is incredibly hurtful so they should stop....

basically these are the stages this has gone through in the past 1-2 years:

1.) Mild discomfort but It's bearable because hey, they are really happy.
2.) Really annoying
3. Really, really annoying
3.5.) coming to PC and asking for advice from some of the christian members in chat on how to tell them that they are bothering me and then being told that I have no right to
4.) Wanting to snap
5.) More of being infuriated
6.) FINALLY getting the courage to tell them it bothers me
7.) getting shot down in flames
8.) Feeling really, really hurt that they don't care
9.) Beginning to question if it's really my place to tell them what they can't talk about
10.) still angry, tell them again
11.) shot down some more, probably more then once
12.) Hurt that they didn't care and putting self down is replaced with disgust and anger that they don't care
13.) Eventually numbness as if a part of me realized how fruitless it all is, though still mildly angry, not nearly as much as it used to be
14.) Now

Funny thing is I don't mind it with other people, my other relatives on dad's side are very religious people, as well as my step-mom's parents, even one a former teacher in school... the difference being the attitude I think. They aren't "passionate" about it (quoting my mom, though I could think of a different adjective or two...) they don't act like they are better then you, they are just humble, nice people who just happen to be very spiritual.

As for asking them to not be so "passionate"- it isn't happening either. I never asked but seriously, it just isn't happening. It's like asking the sun not to be bright.

... and they wonder why I don't tell them anything anymore.
well guess what? I did that, multiple times, and every single time I just ended up getting more hurt.

Nov 26, 2009, 05:43 PM

today was...

wonderful!

Pomegranate · Nov 26, 2009, 06:38 PM

Kaika! I'm so happy for you! Glad to hear you had a good day.

Nov 27, 2009, 12:15 AM

I spoke too soon- it ended up being disappointing...

the only annoying thing from my set-dad was the comment that TV destroyed the minds of today's youth... while my mom, brother, and step-sister were watching TV together (I was on the internet which according to him turns people into lazy zombies)

but the disappointing part was that the puppy can't come over there for the weekend so we have to make a trip to my step-mom's house (an hour away) so she isn't left alone all weekend. This is disappointing because before I adopted her I asked if it would be ok if she visited on the weekends so we don't get into this situation and they said that was fine. I should be used to this kind of stuff from them by now but I'm not... dad and brother are mad though and we are all going to talk about it ...probably in the next few days

though I've gotten over that and am chilling out with the puppy so I guess it did end on a decent note as that didn't ruin my day

lonegael · Nov 27, 2009, 02:38 AM

It's good to here that you're not letting the dissagreement ruin your day. Glad you are alive and kicking!

You made it!

Dec 17, 2009, 05:43 PM

I wish I could cut out my vocal cords
and while I have a knife, I might as well cut off my hands so I didn't have to use sign language, and cut out my eyes so I didn't have to comunicate through blinking.

If there was a way to shut myself down without dieing, I would do it. I'm all alone in this world

Pomegranate · Dec 17, 2009, 06:09 PM

Kaika I hear you. I am so sorry you are feeling so bad right now. We here at PC are with you. You can PM me anytime. (If you want to borrow a family for xmas, you can have mine. Though I must warn you in advance it could be bad for your mental health.) I won't be with anyone except my husband.

Dec 17, 2009, 06:32 PM

feeling so awful, but I can't tell anybody

I don't want people to freak out offline, and suicidal posts aren't allowed here.

Dec 17, 2009, 06:50 PM

for those concerned I wouldn't....
because if I did I'd make my old teachers cry and they are way too sweet for that

turquoisesea · Dec 17, 2009, 07:06 PM

Rohag · Dec 17, 2009, 08:55 PM

((((((( Kaika! )))))))

((((((( and Pumpkin! )))))))

AuburnSunshine · Dec 17, 2009, 09:18 PM

Add me to your step dad's list of Lazy Zombies. Hmmm...I kinda like the expression. Computers...go figure...his loss, our gain.

Hang in there...as Rizzo in Grease said..."There are worse things I could be..."

My only hang up with that song was that she was a slut who slept with no-account drag racers and she might be pregnant. Just goes to show you that everything is relative!

~ Melanie

Dec 17, 2009, 10:12 PM

I'm feeling better by my head is hurting something fierce so I'll probably just go to bed

lonegael · Dec 18, 2009, 09:22 AM

It's probably the tension. I always feel wretchedly sick after i have had a bad time when i am depressed. Keep in touch Kaika. Take care of your precious self and treat your mind and body as if they were priceless. Hang in there dear. Hugs.

Berries · Dec 18, 2009, 11:54 AM

(((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))
Hang in there!

Dec 19, 2009, 10:15 PM

crying over stupid little things today, I must be hormonal or something. Probably just the depression. Thinking about these past few day I was giving medication a consideration.... but I still don't think it is worth it.

lonegael · Dec 20, 2009, 11:02 AM

Just remember dear, every choice can be changed except one. If you don't decide meds now, you can always do it later. If you can't take the side effects, you can stop (with the proper help). The main thing is making sure you are safe and getting you feeling better. Huggs, and be kind to yourself.

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