Don't understand people who can't get out of bed.

What a rough, unappropriate, offending and uncaring post from a person like pegasus.

So we have lived through depression's hardships to arrive here and be told once more: GET YOURSELF FROM THE BOOTSTRAPS AND STOP WHINING!
... not from a casual, ignorant doer but from an otherwise honourable memebr of this forum.

Very disappointing.

I think sometimes it was safer for me to stay in bed than not. If I was in bed sleeping then I couldn't be doing something self-destructive. It tended to be a rather thin line though. I agree that sometime getting up is a ton of work. First turning over, then moving one foot off the bed, then the other. Then you had to get the torso off the bed, and gravity felt so much harder than usual. Then there was the question, should I get dressed or not. What should I wear? Maybe I should just put on the dressing gown. Where is that anyways? Maybe I'll just stay in bed, too much work.

(((((((((((everyone here INCLUDING Pegasus))))))))))

I understand this is a very touchy subject, however I do believe that the intentions behind this post were pure and it wasn't meant to offend anyone. Pegasus is a good kind person, and I find it ironic that people would claim her to be insensitive or overly critical when isn't that what you are doing by not considering her POV?

Everyone who reads this board shares things in common, one of which should most certainly by compassion for all... even on the most controversial of subjects. Knowledge is understanding, and I believe Pegasus was just looking to generate some discussion on this so that she could come to a better understanding.

Please everyone try and be gentle with each other, and with yourselves.


Jacqueline

I suspect that Jacq10 is right. I know that when people are depressed it can either be with the leaden, dead to the world variety or with the anxious, restless variety. Both can be killers, but if you have only had one type, you don't know how one can be the other. I've had both as part of my symtom profile, so I can understand how deadeningly exhausting depression can be if you've got the melancholoc variety. I think Peg was honestly trying to understand, not lecture.
By the way, I routinely go through a couple of days every few months-even when I am not technically depressed - doing nothing but sleeping. Holding the BD to somewhat manageable levels is REALLY draining

Thank you all for the replies.

You know, I could just have sat here and not said. 'Get out of bed.' That would have been the easy option. In my point of view, the uncaring attitude. Hey folks! Why don't you all stay in bed and give up. Let the depression take over. Is that what you want?

I have learnt much from this thread. I apologize for the way I put it.

It is because I care that I want you to help yourselves get better! It's a shame I have been attacked by many for it.

Well, I know that there are days that I spend in bed. But I make sure there is nothing to be done. I can't explain it, it is just a coping mechanism for me. As if my bed is a safe place or something. I hate being lazy and I hate feeling lazy (which is what happens when I stay in bed) but sometimes a couple of extra hours in bed brings a calm like nothing else can.

I understood what you were saying for the most part but figured at my post I didn't really need to chime in again. I do think there was some harsh response but also feel because people read and interpret words and thoughts based on their own filters and or haze caused by experience and their illnesses that they were defensive about how they felt. You know all this I'm sure Pegasus. You do care and that's the reason I visit your forums and appreciate seeing your posts.

Peg, when you say, "Why don't you all stay in bed and give up. Let the depression take over," you are demonstrating that you really do not have a good understanding of major depressive disorder. It is not the we "give up"; it is that depression DOES take over, no matter what we do. Depression isn't just a state of mind. It is an illness that often requires medical intervention. The old "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality does a great disservice to those who struggle with this disorder.

No I'm sorry but you are wrong otherwise therapy would never work would it???

Not everyone in therapy is depressed though.

I assume you are responding to my saying that depression often needs medical intervention. What was wrong with that statement? I didn't say "always". But when a person gets to the point that they are unable to get out of bed and unable to take care of their basic needs, therapy isn't going to do much for him. He cannot even think straight at that point. It's like thinking through mud.

Are you saying we don't need meds? Therapy will do it all? This is all psychological, none of it chemical? If that's the case, I definitely disagree with you.

Oh please do not put words in my mouth! I didn't say that meds weren't needed. Meds in conjunction with psychotherapy work very well for people. CBT, REBT, and Motivational Interviewing are very useful psychological tools that help depression among other mental health problems.

So, what was I wrong about? I'm not understanding you.

You CAN try, you CAN do.

There's some sort of paradox here; both sides are correct, in my opinion. Depression can be debilitating (don't I know it), but at the same time, we are always in choice . . .

At the point where you can't get out of bed, you are severely depressed. There is a point where you just don't function. Just getting up to go to the bathroom is a trial. You may be able to try to do other things, but trying does not mean succeeding.

I agree..both points are valid and correct from their own perspective.

And I understand the negative thoughts that go with it. That is the depression but you have got to challenge those thoughts. This is what psychotherapy is about. The depression does not like to be challenged! But if you don't even try then there is no hope of succeeding.

My true wish is that this thread helps just one person, helps them to have a go. To try and start those wheels turning and moving forward again.

I would imagine there are some psychological states where the person just shuts down and can't function - this person would obviously require hospitalization. I also think everyone copes differently and some of us have a stronger survivor mentality.

Personally I can't stay in bed - I have 2 kids who depend on me. I remember 6 years ago when I found out my brother died suddenly. I remember flopping myself in despair onto the furniture and sobbing uncontrollably. Then my 6 month old at the time was crying to get up from her nap. All of a sudden I sprang up and took care of her. It was like something else was driving me to get up.

Three years ago I suffered some devastating news in relation to my marriage. I remember the next morning feeling like I couldn't function - it felt like I had a cement block on my back. I had to get up though because there was no one else to take care of my children. If I were to lay in bed - I would starve.

I think Pegasus was speaking from her own personal experience and the fact that she sees daily people with disabilities coping with life who still manage to get going. I remember seeing this woman on Oprah who contracted the flesh eating disease after giving birth. She ended up having both arms and legs amputated along with having her colon removed. She never once gave into sadness or self pity. She amazed the doctors with her speedy recovery and positive attitude. When I'm having my sad moments, I always remember this woman and she inspires me to keep going. I think Pegasus was trying to tap into this kind of mentality of never give up and keep on trying.

As said again, both are right. But when the disorder gets so bad that people are really not responding much to world, then trying to do therapy is really difficult if not impossible. Where I work we have a rule that people with chronic pain with up to moderate depression are taken into our program, but severe depression interferes too much with the learning and coping processes. It takes on it's own life, see, and there, neither therapy nor deciding to change things works. The same can be said of the depressions that come on with bipolar disorder. If I could tell you the number of therapists I have seen....
Many people can be helped with therapy or attitudinal help of other types until the body and the brain get to a certain point where the chemicals that help you recover just aren't produced anymore. Much of the same thing happens with pain sensitisation; everything hurts, everything is exhausting and the brain just does not process the signals coming in. At that point, it's time for the heavy artillary, someitmes before you can start on talk therap at all. Some people go almost automatically down to the bottom without hanging around at the more malleable stage.
Peg, another thing to remember is that depression often has clinical anxiety as a companion. Some people get to the point that even getting out of bed is not only a huge physical step to make, but utterly terrifying when they get that depressed.
I think it is very easy to offend people who have been doubted and questioned constantly for many years, though I know you didn't mean it that way. Better you asked than that you not. I really hope I didn't offend anyone here. Can we find a way to end this on a more positive note?

Thanks Lonegal, that is exactly what I was trying to say.

well l could just say!!.....................Guess what today l was out of bed even though l really didnt want to get up today pushed myself, did the housework and laundry and NOW l am glad that l did get up today

(((((((((((((((((((((( Hugs to all who want and need them ))))))))))))))

we all learn different perspectives day in and day out because we are all different and have different ways of coping

sas xx

I think the reason this thread has offended people is because it's hit a very sensitive chord with us.
Most of us who have or are suffering with depression have had people in our lives, whom have not suffered with the disease, tell us "just get out of bed". and this comes from a lack of understanding that if it were that easy, we would do it.

and it's hurtful because although those people mean well, they don't see that we have tried these "friendly suggestions"(get out of bed, go to the gym, try something new, etc.) and so it's not for lack of trying. it's that our disease has progressed to the point where you get nothing from doing these things. you mindlessly go through the motions.

if it were that easy, we would do it. but usually we have tried, or are trying and we get frustrated and upset and beat ourselves up about it everytime we try and fail that when some one then says to us "well just get out of bed" it causes this type of reaction.

I realize now that the original post was not meant to offend, i hope this sheds light as to why it did.

Pegasus All I can say is you have not experienced the same kind of depression that I have. If I hadn't already dealt with this issue I would find your words sooooooooo hurtful, so filled with misunderstanding. I don't. After years of dealing with my kind of depression I realize that you, and others who do not experienced what I do, simply can not fathom the kind of depression I experience.

My depression lead me to being homeless. I KNEW that would happen if I didn't get my *** out of bed, but still I couldn't. So many things I wanted for myself, or wanted to do for others..... I don't think about it any more or it will drive me into despair. What keeps me sane is knowing I would have done things - gotten out of bed, got dressed, made a phone call, etc. - If I COULD have. It's why I ended up hospitalized so many times. Believe me, if there was ever any thing to motivate me to "get going, get out of bed" it would be the threat of hospitalization or homelessness, again. Even that motivation simply didn't "help" me.

Unless you have experienced it, there simply aren't any words to describe, to make others understand. You have no idea how lucky you are to be able to do what you do.

((((Peg))))
I guess you did strike a very sensitive area. I do know that you meant well...For me...sometimes I just use up all of my energy getting through the work week when all I really want to do is hide in my bed where it is safe (take my mask off). I feel so guilty if I let myself "hide" on a Saturday. I know I should be up cleaning, doing laundry, paying bills..etc..etc..

My husband will call me around 9:00 and if I'm still sleeping...well...he's like "are you sick". Depression is evil and everyone deals with it differently. For me....well...somtimes I just need to shut down and that in itself aids in my ability to function. It's sad that I have to pretend that I'm not still sleeping or that I'm up cleaning the bathroom (because 3 hrs before he gets home I get my *** in gear and do what I need to do). I just shouldn't have to feel guilty about snuggling in my bed and taking that comfort....but I do...as I'm sure everyone else that seeks that does.

Therapy has never worked for me . Medications do very little . It depends on the INDIVIDUAL . If these things were guaranteed to work there would be a CURE for depression.
I do not see a cure , however I do believe certain people , depending on their situations , can live productive lives and can cope much better than others. I don't believe Peg meant any harm . I believe she really is trying to motivate.
For an example .........Lynn mentioned she has two kids that depend on her . Would she react the same without the kids?
Probably yes . Who really knows.