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#1
Nov 07, 2009, 03:32 PM
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Big week for me, I have court on Thursday for my workers comp case. My anxiety level is off the charts. I feel like all the drugs they have me on are doing no good. I sit and try to figure out why I am depressed when I get really low, but there are too many things for me to pin point exactly what it is. Is it circumstances, the bi-polar, or just plain old depression. I see everything right now as black and white. NO shades of gray, and for the most part everything is BLACK! I am terrified that my past will be brought up like SI, which is why I was 302'd in June and August. When I gave my deposition they saw a cut on my arm and asked if I SI I of course said no. That was before they subpoenaed the T I had at the time that has SI, the black thoughts. Now it is documented and the defense has everything I talked to her about. That includes my brothers death and how rattled I was since he was an abusive animal that I had not spoken to or even seen in 10 yrs. My past was brought to the for front of my life after an assault which is my workers comp case. I have never testified in court and I am not sure I will keep it together especially if they try to blame my PTSD and depression on my past and not the assault that occurred just a little over a year ago.
Like I said before sink or swim I feel like I am sinking and have concrete boots on. Each day its getting harder and harder on me just thinking about court and my thoughts are getting worse. Right now I feel like a shattered spirit and couldn't be made whole again with crazy glue or gorilla glue. I just needed to vent b\c I have very strong urges and am trying my best not to SI. I just want this week to be over with. Why does life have to be so F^*&(^ complicated?   
__________________
Caring but Cautious, Curious but Kind, But trying to Survive, when losing my Mind!  Thats me in a nutshell!
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#2
Nov 07, 2009, 05:13 PM
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Tmac This is especially for you
  .... You are not alone.... Hang in there 
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 nowheretorun, Tmac
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#3
Nov 07, 2009, 05:42 PM
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Hi, Tmac! It has been a rough 12-14 months for you, and that on top of other things. You've faced an awful lot of unpleasant (understatement!) stuff.
As CK23 says, you're not alone. I and others will be holding you in our best thoughts this coming week. 
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| nowheretorun, Tmac
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#4
Nov 08, 2009, 07:55 AM
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((((((Tmac)))))). Good luck. Hang in there.
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| nowheretorun, Tmac
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#5
Nov 08, 2009, 08:24 AM
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Please swim.
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| nowheretorun, Tmac
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#6
Nov 08, 2009, 09:05 AM
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on the side that cheering for YOU Tmac! i hope you will be able to sort through anything that happens and find the positive, even if it isnt what you think you want or need, sometimes we are given a set of challenges and when we've successfully risen to it, the blessings and benefits of the experiences become clearer to us... hang in there, i know its hard
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| Tmac
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#7
Nov 08, 2009, 05:36 PM
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Tmac-
This is so hard. Know I am thinking of you and hope that the court case goes well. Do you have IRL support also? We are here for you too.
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