[uhhidk]

I expected my whole life to turn around, that this depression "phase" would just end. It's just changed forms.

I've been finding myself being numb to things happening around me; I don't cry as much and I'm not as tune into my emotions as I used to be. I don't prick myself with the needle as much as I used to as well. Mostly I feel like zombie just pretending to be happy. Perhaps this is my preconcieved notion that I have to be the strong one?

More than ever I feel alone. I've only let two people in on what I'm feeling and even they don't know everything. No one beleives that I may be depressed and I need help because I pretend I'm happy all the time. I don't go out anymore, I've become reclusive. I used to have a huge group of friends and because of my newfound anti-social behaviors this has shrunken dramatically. This isn't like the girl I used to be.

/rant.

[Naturefreak]

uhhidk
Life changes for all of us ... Sometimes for the good , sometimes is gets worse . You are in one of those worst phases. Always remember there will be better days ahead.
I am not the man I used to be either. Maybe that's a good thing . lol Hang in there and keep posting . Take care

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((uhhidk))))

There are times when we feel we will never be the same again. As Babysteps wrote, things change for us all, and as we grow through the things that happen to us, some changes are rarely noticed.

But when we are hit with this awful disease and it drags us down and jumps on us and puts the boot in too, we notice other changes straight away. Changes we'd rather not have taken place.

You may never be the same, but you can be better. I know that during the depths of depression we just want to lay down and curl up and make the world go away. It hurts, and it hurts very badly. But after each day that passes, we find some relief.

Not much at first, but enough for us to raise our eyes to look out of the window, or enough to get ourselves into the shower and clear off something that has been clinging to us. And we do feel a little better.

What you need to do is contact your dr and let them know that you are not responding to whatever treatment you are being given. There are so many great meds out there today, and there is one that is suitable for you. It's a matter of finding which one. Pretending to be happy makes people think your medication is working, thats no good for you or anyone else. Your dr needs to know exactly what is going on with you.

Once you are on the right med & the right dose you will find that things will start to normalise a little, and as you move further along the road you are better able to cope, better able to deal with things which a while ago, you felt you had no control over.

Please see your dr uhhidk, we are here to support you in the meantime, but you do need to see the dr. Keep us posted,

((((hugs))))
Rhiannon

[uhhidk]

Thanks everyone. I am going to try and talk to my doctor, see if there is something else I can do. I guess in the meantime I'm just going to try to adjust to these changes I've been faceing.

edit: Just to clarify, I have not been diagnosed yet. I've been too scared to talk to anyone about this. I've come very, very close to talking about it but I always chicken out.

[headintheclouds6]

I know exactly what you're going through about isolating yourself from people. Just hang in there, there will be good days and bad, but if you have the strength to take the steps towards recovery, things will get better, I promise you.

[uhhidk]

Headintheclouds6: Thanks, you're probably right. =D I'm just scared to go through recovery, if that makes sense? I'm scared to let people know there's something wrong with me. Deep down I know there's nothing wrong with it, but I keep telling myself that giving in to the depression is a sign of weakness. For some reason I feel like I need to be strong and just deal with it.

[justfloating]

hi uhhidk,

You said you feel like you "need to be strong and just deal with it." I have felt that exact same way myself. I put off getting help for my depression for a long time, living in a world of misery I didn't have to live in, especially not alone.

I would suggest that "being strong and dealing with it" IS what you're doing when you get help. If you broke your leg, you wouldn't just "suck it up", would you? You'd go to the doctor and get it put into a cast. Depression is the same way. It's not something you can usually fix by yourself and it's DEFINITELY not something anyone should have to go through alone.

It IS very scary. I still don't know how I managed it, myself. But I'll tell you something ... it was a HUGE relief when I finally got a diagnosis. It was great to be told that the way I was feeling WASN'T MY FAULT and that there were actually treatment options to help me feel better. When I went to the doctor, I brought my best friend along for moral support. She sat with me the entire time, and it's really because of her that I didn't give in and bolt at the very last minute. Is there anyone you can bring with you to your appointment for support? It might be less scary if you don't do it alone.

Lots of luck, and keep us posted on how you're doing.

[uhhidk]

Justfloating: There are a couple of people I might consider bringing with me; but it's just scary having them know something's wrong with me.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by uhhidk

Justfloating: There are a couple of people I might consider bringing with me; but it's just scary having them know something's wrong with me.

uhhidk

It isn't always easy to seek out therapy, but having moral support can really help you through the fear/s . If those people you referred to have frequent contact with you, chances are good that they've picked up on your low moods already. That low, low feeling is impossible to hide from people that you know. Our body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice give a lot of clues to everyone that we deal with.

I wish you the best of luck ~ do talk with a T for help asap though, k?
Shez

[uhhidk]

I think that some of them have noticed, I just have been telling them that everything is fine. I told two people that I think I'm depressed, but they shrugged it off and told me that it's just stress. I think that's mainly why I hide it from everyone now. I'm still trying to work up the courage to seek help, it's just a tough thing to do.

[headintheclouds6]

Trust your instincts and seek help, despite what your friends say. It's your life and your feelings and you need to take care of them! Just think to yourself, "What have you got to lose?" And you'll be proactive about your recovery.