[gingerkat]

I'm back in my depression mode and having a hard time. I keep on thinking I'm a failure because I don't have a purpose. I don't have any goals or want to do anything specific. I feel like a waste of space.

I guess I don't have any questions, just wondering if anyone else feels like this.

[Junerain]

Yes I felt like that when I was first diagnosed at age nineteen, with time, love and tenderness I grew..no longer feel like that, feel very, very energized and my career is blossoming..

can you write more? age? what did you USED to like to do?

[gingerkat]

I'm 38 and not working right now. I used to enjoy being outdoors, spending time with friends and just living life. Now, I hate leaving the house, I have absolutely no interest in anything and avoid all phone calls.

I really hate myself right now. I wish I could find a purpose in life, but I can't.

[Junerain]

Friends still around? Join a group that meets and spends time outdoors, in order to make new ones?

[idontknow13]

((((((gingerkat))))))

I felt like you not too long ago and it took time, a good T, new meds and the support of people here at PC. It was pure hell for quite a while but now things are better. I hope you have a T and a support system to help you through this. But thrust me, it does get better with time and making small changes.
Keep posting, that also helps to get it out...

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by gingerkat

• I'm a failure
• I don't have a purpose
• I don't have any goals or want to do anything specific.
• I feel like a waste of space.

...just wondering if anyone else feels like this.

Yes, I intermittently feel all of the above, by themselves and in various combinations, some of the time. My depression is uncured but manageable.

Observation (not advice): Even as we're all individuals, our depression can also be highly individualistic. The "fabric" or "character" of your depression may be quite different from mine or others'.

[bluzman]

Hi, youre not alone with how you feel, I have OCD and depression as a consequence of this condition, I have always felt alien to the rest of society.Prior And since losing my employment well over a decade ago I would always claim to fame that "I am succesful at being Unsuccessful",and when I was diagnosed with these conditions I started to believe that I was a complete failure and only a burden as my family and peers shuned me away.I continue to chip away at how i feel with great distress by detaching my feelings away from me, and avoid getting caught up in other functionable peoples emotions and life style. Every creature is here for a reason not matter what they attain or dont its the equilebrium on how the universe evolves, as i believe humans are still evolving. Please dont despair and remember you become what the mind conceives.Be around people who give sincere compassion and care about you rather than what you do or dont.Sometimes just observing nature quietly relieves me from the man made psuedo existance.Please keep in touch if you like and joining this site recently myself has given me a fresh clean outlook.Take Care.

Hello, gingercat. What is so diabolical about mental illness is knowing what I do is counterproductive and hating myself for doing it anyway.

After having isolated myself, I was given the task of stepping outside each day and incrementally increasing my time there. The idea was to reduce the isolation and self-loathing. Once I felt more comfortable, I was given other tasks. One of the most beneficial was doing volunteer work.

As Rohag has aptly observed, each of us is unique in the manner in which we experience mental illness. My hope is my experience may help you to think about ways you may help not only yourself but others; to have a purpose.

Good luck!

[Briester]

Hi Gingercat. We're close to the same age and I've felt like that for a long time too. It's sad but at the same time we have to keep going. Frankly I've found that while it might not be my purpose, it brings me happiness to help other people even with just a little word or expression. If I can do something that betters someone's day or moment, then my efforts have all been worthwhile and that's satisfying to me. I really just try to be a good human being and be good to others. That I guess is my purpose. I do understand where you are though. Try looking at it in pieces and make small adjustments instead of one giant change then maybe you'll find what you're looking for and be happy again.

Until that time know that you're cared about by people here on PC and we're all over the planet.

Be well.

Chris

[lonegael]

(((((ginger cat)))) and (((((((Everyone))))))). It's not true that you're worthless. If one of you disappeared right now, a whole universe of possibilities disappeares with you. It's not always possible to see what purpose one has until one at some point looks back and says - "Whoa, that there, did I do that, and that and that...." and realizes that things one never imagined were worthwhile have changed the world for the better. Please believe this. You carry God's image inside you.(No Preaching intended)

[Briester]

So true Lonegael. Everything we know and experience is based on causality and if even one person goes you're right, "a whole universe of possibilities disappears." Very good call my friend.

[Gabi925]

Originally Posted by gingerkat

I'm back in my depression mode and having a hard time. I keep on thinking I'm a failure because I don't have a purpose. I don't have any goals or want to do anything specific. I feel like a waste of space.

I guess I don't have any questions, just wondering if anyone else feels like this.

Same; that's why I answer; thinking that maybe I am doing something useful. Sending this
What do you think?

[Betty428]

Ginger Kat,
I too have unfortunately been in your shoes. You feel like a complete failure. And you have an awful day that makes everything worse and you try to "self-medicate" All you want in that moment is for once second of good feeling. And who can blame you? You have felt like crap all day, and not just today but several days.
So you eat 3 whole things of ice cream,you take your anger out on someone else,you drink or take drugs.
And then when you thought it couldn't feel any worse, it does.
You are left feeling like an even bigger loser.
What helps me know when I feel like you are feeling is to write down one thing I did good today.
Today's good thing I did was get a shower.
It may seem small and unimportant to some but to me it was an accomplishment.
As hard as it you have to forgive yourself and give yourself some slack.

I hope you find some peace.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by gingerkat

I need to find a purposei in life and I'm going to try.

As you work out your purpose, please feel free to share your ideas and feelings. Wishing you safety and self-peace.

[ThePainNeverDies]

Hey beautiful woman

You, my Dear, are the most wonderful woman I have ever met and that's not just me saying it. You deserve so much better and I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad... If only I could've been there for you...

Now, you do have a purpose in life. You have all the animals around you, friends who are here for you and your Husband. I know things aren't so good tehre, but remember what I said last night.

You deserve so much happiness that you just aren't getting right now, but you WILL get it, I promise. I wish I could just trek over to the USA and give you a huge hug and make you feel all better somehow. Kinda hard and a long way to walk though, but I'd do it if I had to! I love you that much, you see

Just remember how appreciated you are by the people that care about and love you the most. That is the most important thing in life. That you have others there for you to help you through when you need it.

Take care of yourself, you know where I am

[Berries]

Originally Posted by gingerkat

I'm back in my depression mode and having a hard time. I keep on thinking I'm a failure because I don't have a purpose. I don't have any goals or want to do anything specific. I feel like a waste of space.

I guess I don't have any questions, just wondering if anyone else feels like this.

Yes, I feel like that too.

[uhhidk]

gingerkat

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I feel like this too a lot; not all at once, but I've experienced everything you've mentioned at different points.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( gingerkat ))))))))))))))))))

[lonegael]

You're not a failure, your navigational system is just having a little trouble. Sounds like you have quite the fan Club! I would be tempted to print them all out and put them up around my apratment or home just so I could see how much people I know through different channels liked me. It sounds to me like you desrve to hear what they have to say about you every day, several times a day. You are loved, you are liked. People think you are beautiful. People think you are worth a heck of alot.
Not bad, eh? Hugs and hugs again!!!!

Originally Posted by gingerkat

I keep on thinking I'm a failure because I don't have a purpose. I don't have any goals or want to do anything specific. I feel like a waste of space.

I guess I don't have any questions, just wondering if anyone else feels like this.

I feel the exact same way you do.

[celeste2911]

ionegael said it all good thought

[ThePainNeverDies]

You.
Are.
WONDERFUL.

Don't ever forget that. I will keep reminding you, even when you can start reminding yourself