[tonih]

I got up today , went to see my therapist ,and I thought I was having a better day. On the way back to the house, it occured to me that I don't belong anywhere. I exist from one day to the next and for what? I live with the only person in the world I care about....my daughter. She loves me, but thanks to my depression and disabilities, has decided that we should no longer live together. Economically speaking, I can't move until my finances are more stable. for months, I have have walked on eggshells so as not to interfere with her life. I make plans, to go to school, volunteer etc, but that is all they are....plans. I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper and thinking for what? So I can struggle to get a tiny apt. and then she can simply see me when she is of a mood......I will be 50 in less than a month. All those I cared about are gone. My health is shot. I can't work. Will this ever end? why do I even bother to get up in the morning?What is the point????????

[justfloating]

((((((((tonih))))))))

The point is, whether you live with her or not, you have a daughter who loves you and needs you to be a part of her life. Speaking as a daughter -- although my situation isn't the same as yours -- I have a very hard time when I'm home under the same roof as my parents, but I love them and need them in my life as much as I did when I was a kid. If your daughter needs space, don't take it personally. She's grown up and the fact that she feels comfortable enough to go out and live her own life is all thanks to you.

[Rohag]

Hi, Tonih!

Originally Posted by justfloating

If your daughter needs space, don't take it personally. She's grown up and the fact that she feels comfortable enough to go out and live her own life is all thanks to you.

Justfloating is correct. Currently, you may not be able to feel proud of all you've done for and mean to your daughter, but your depression cannot diminish the accomplishment in itself. It is likely your relationship with your daughter will improve living apart.

Hoping for the day when you can fully sense your value.

tonih, what you describe is heart rending. What may be done?

1. Call the Social Security Administration (1 800 772 1213) to see if you are eligible for assistance because of your disabilities.

2. Call the South Carolina State Operator at 1-803-896-0000 to get directed to information about:

a. housing assistance;
b. food stamps;
c. job retraining for the disabled;
d. distance education (online classes for credit towards a degree);
e. any other assistance you may be entitled to.

Is there a local agency in your community that keeps a list of volunteers to contact when help is needed? If your city or county has one, sometimes there is volunteer work that may be done from home.

Have you talked to your counselor about your relationship with your daughter? Feeling all alone and essentially abandoned is overwhelming.

I hope that some of these suggestions help. Good luck.

[shezbut]

(((ToniH)))

TheByzantine had some great recommendations for you. Please give them a shot if you haven't already! Once one qualifies for assistance, there is all sorts of help out there waiting to help.

Getting past the initial phase of Social Security (SSDI or SSI) is long and drawn out process. If you already have SS, additional assistance is much easier to obtain. Local county assistance can help financially, medically, emotionally (psychologists, social workers, and psychiatrists).

There are lots of reasons for you to still be here ~ you just need a little help in spotting them. I'm on SSI and am living in a disabled apartment building. All of us have different disabilities; but prices of utilities and rent are adjusted to income. There are also support groups that meet nearby disabled apartment buildings, as we're all sort of centered in town ~ near doctors & facilities.

Best wishes to you honey. You're welcome to pm me if you have q's or are looking for support.

Shez

[phoenix47baby]

Making plans to volunteer or go to school is great progress. Maybe finding a volunteer gig where you can go once or twice a week in the afternoons incase you aren't feeling great in the mornings. It is so important to have a reason/purpose to get out of bed in the morning. Good going!

[tonih]

my thanks to all for your kind and wise advice. It is so difficult for me to feel good about myself when my entire life has been about taking care of others. First as a mom, a nurse, a daughter and now I feel I have no purpose left. I know that my daughter has the right to live her life unencumbered by her mom. I just don't have the energy to try and make a new life for myself. Once I have my own place, then what? I feel like alice tumbling down the rabbit hole. I am afraid of where I will land.....if ever. I am trying to simply "stay in the day". Thanks again for the advice and kind words. Toni

[idontknow13]

((((Tonih)))))
I agree with what everyone has said. Justfloating is right, your daughter will always need you, my 2 grown-up daughters have left the house (one is on her way out!) and they call me everyday, we talk more than we ever did and when we do see each other, we really enjoy our time together.
I know how you feel at 50, how do you make a new life when all you have done is take care of everyone else, but I am learning one day at a time, I eat when I feel like it, I listen to my music when I want...The house stays clean! I can take care of myself for a change...Give it a try, you might like it and you never know what is around the corner

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Originally Posted by justfloating

((((((((tonih))))))))

The point is, whether you live with her or not, you have a daughter who loves you and needs you to be a part of her life. Speaking as a daughter -- although my situation isn't the same as yours -- I have a very hard time when I'm home under the same roof as my parents, but I love them and need them in my life as much as I did when I was a kid. If your daughter needs space, don't take it personally. She's grown up and the fact that she feels comfortable enough to go out and live her own life is all thanks to you.

Agreed. No matter the age of your children, they still want you to be part of your life as you want them to be part of yours. She is probably just confused as to your depression and may not understand it. Like justfloating....I have a hard time at my Mom's house as well (for many reasons), yet my family is also an enormous part of my life. Everyone needs family.