Uhg...powerless

God, do I really deserve this? I may have just barely got the 3.0 in my B.S in accounting, but does that really mean I am only suited for unskilled labor? I'm so god damn depressed and feel so god damn helpless I can't stand it. I really don't know how to find a job and be successful enough in interviews to get people to like me enough to hire me. I feel totally blind trying to navigate all this bull as someone who still feels like a student, and no adult I know can help me. I have zero guidance and my family has no contacts with anyone in anything that could lead me to a job. I mean in interviews I don't feel like I can really talk about how I am experienced I am and how I'm a perfect candidate when my experience is limited to a 6 week internship. I just have no idea what the **** I am doing, and am so mad and disappointed that I'm reduced to retail when I thought my education would have made me better than this...That I could have at least been a secretary and file paper all day. I'm apparently not even good enough for that. I am totally hating my life right now. My retail job is taking up all my job hunting time this week, which infuriates me cause no ****ing person appreciates me and my apparent "attitude" cause apparently I have a bad attitude when it comes to not receiving breaks when I work 9 hours shifts. Seriously? After I ASKED if I could go on break, and insisted I be given one, but assuring I wouldn't take the whole 30 minutes, I overheard a manager-figurehead loudly complaining about how I have a bad attitude about breaks and how pitiful it is that I haven't made friends even though I've been there for 3 months. You know, I try to be helpful and do good god damn work, and I was having a really good day that day! Showed up 10 minutes early at 6:50am, hit the ground running, made my coworker super happy. But this woman who I don't even work with or under got pissed off about my attitude? Or something? and apparently its pathetic that I'd rather keep to myself at work and mind my own business? [....good thing I keep to myself, cause forbid people like her know even more about me to criticize]. Kill me. Just kill me. Do I really deserve this? Really? I can't stand my life right now. I really can't. I feel totally powerless, over worked, and under appreciated. Someone put me out of my misery. I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do anymore. I go through phone books and send out my resume and cover letters, I go through the newspaper, I go look at online career sites, I talk with career services at my college, but nothing. 8 months of unemployment. I am a terrible burden on my family. I wish they could be proud of me, I hate being such a disappointment and a financial burden. I don't know. I need to stop crying.

Hello, Emily Strange. No, you do not deserve to feel powerless, overworked and under-appreciated; or to feel like you are a financial burden and a disappointment.

I really have no suitable answer for you. You may need to expand the area of the job search?

I can wish you good luck.

Hi, Emily_Strange! That was short. Were I you, I'd still be venting.
No doubt your education has suited you for a genuine career. Through no fault of your own, you graduated at a bad time in "the business cycle."

Job hunting sucks. Working where you don't fit sucks. You're in a depression hothouse.

What can you do to get unstuck effectively? I'm certainly not the one to counsel you. You need a professional.

Wishing you a speedy rise from that hole.

Thanks guys :\ Yea I gotta expand out of NJ. I've been looking at NYC but I guess I'm a bit overwhelmed by how much there is, and how to narrow it down. I can't send resumes everywhere or every job, but given my "eh" GPA and lack of experience, I don't know how qualified I am for anything aside from administrative assistant. Plus I gotta compete with all the NYU/Fordham/Columbia kids.....In addition to all the other college students that would live closer than me. Plus hiring season for accountants ends basically.....now.

Its really hard to not take it too personally when I sort of rely on other people in the business to tell me what kind of professional I am, since I really don't know. Feedback is really important to me right now since I'm so new, and I'm either not getting it at all, or its totally conflicting based on who interviewed me. So then who am I? Now its turning into an existential crisis. And not to mention all the rejection makes me feel like I'm a total failure. But the existential crisis part is bad. I mean that's been a long standing issue for awhile, but now that I'm getting depressed its starting to impact how I view what makes me worth something.

I've gotten kinda good at limiting my rants I used to write pages, but I get so frustrated sometimes that writing novels just makes me even more mad. But yea. Thanks for listening and sympathizing, guys....

From your moniker and posts, I sense a person who thinks she is different and allows circumstance and people to define who she is.

From early on, I told myself life would get better when I graduated from high school, became 21, graduated from college, obtained an advanced degree, got a good job, etc. I did not receive a response from a single place I sent my first batch of resumes to; not even a notification that my resume had arrived.

When I did get a job months later, I worked myself into the ground to validate to myself I was worthy of it. It took many years but eventually I crashed hard. I had tied my self-worth to my performance, and had burned myself out.

Graduates frequently are anxious about whether they will be successful in their careers. They need to be reminded they have been successful in advancing to where they are now. There is no reason to believe that that success will not continue.

One of my professors told me the major benefits of college are developing social skills and learning to learn. As a rather shy and reserved person, I had to work hard to develop the personal skills the job required, including a determination to ask questions no matter how simple of those who knew more.

The learning to learn part entailed enhancing my ability to recognize issues--identifying what is important and knowing where to find the information needed to resolve them.

As Rohag has so aptly observed and you are aware of, there are less hires because of the economy. You can only keep trying. While the job hunt continues, perhaps you might benefit from this career development manual: http://www.cdm.uwaterloo.ca/ It is lengthy and takes some thought but I found it to be well worth the effort.

Please continue to post, comment or rant. This place is wonderfully nonjudgmental and supporting.

Good luck, Ms. Emily!

"The learning to learn part entailed enhancing my ability to recognize issues--identifying what is important and knowing where to find the information needed to resolve them." I never really learned how to do that. I just did my work, asked for help when I needed it [although oftentimes last minute as I was hesitant to ask for help, or just disorganized], and that was it. Usually if I worked in groups, I just picked up the slack and wrote the most of the papers.

I will admit I'm quite impressionable sometimes. If someone says "Emily is this" I'll think about it. Usually if its a social thing its different cause I'm usually quite aware of what my actions mean, but in the workforce its totally another story. :\

Thanks for the link, it looks really good, I'm totally checking it out!

((((Emily_Strange))))

Breathe. Just breathe. Take a break for a minute and calm down. You cannot possible think without breathing. I hear you and I know you are frustrated. But you are anything but a disappointment. Look, you made it through school. You did not quit. You kept going despite all the trials. And you will keep going now.

I think you did a good job letting it out. I am glad you could. Holding all that within is not good for you. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am glad you did. I think you will do a great job when you find the one you are looking for. And it is there if you are persisitant and keep searching.

I know it can be a pain but it will pay off in the end. As far as the job you have now, no you did not deserve to be treated the way you were. I validate what you were feeling and you were pretty composed I think. Sorry you were treated so badly.

Please take care of you and do something kind for yourself. You deserve it. Know we are here and listening and hearing what you are saying. Hang in there and I wish you luck in finding a job. Please keep us posted on what you find and how you are doing.

Sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

Don't blame this all on yourself, you are not to blame here. It sounds like you have actually been trying really hard to find a job and working hard in school, but things just aren't working out right now. Only less than 20% of college graduates this year got a job--with the econonmy, and usually its still only about 50%...I'm sure with time things will start to get better for you. I kind of am going through a similar thing, not the same, but well, just having to rely on my parents still for money when I am 21 and wish I could be more on my own. I'll be thinking of you.

Wishing the best for you, Emily. Good luck.

For real?! Where did you hear that?!!

Its really sad. One of my regulars came in for coffee a day ago, and I asked her what she was always coming in to study for. She said the CPA, so I was all "Oooooh good for you, I just got my B.S in accounting so I'm thinking of that route blablabla" So I asked her if she had a job....She kind of just like, looked down and said "No, I don't, but I am doing the books for my church." This girl got her masters in accounting at freaking Rutgers U, and they have a fantastic business school.....And. She has. No job! She has PricewaterhouseCoopers on her resume, too! I can't wrap my head around it, and I felt SO bad even asking.

" I validate what you were feeling and you were pretty composed I think. Sorry you were treated so badly." -DPS

I went to the coworker she was complaining to, and said "Listen, if I do anything to bother you please let me know. I realize that some people aren't going to like me, and if they don't like me then -oh well- they don't like me, but I don't want to be in the way. Please let me know what I can do." The next day I went and apoligized to the woman who was loudly complaining about me, and said my intention wasn't to have an attitude with her. She said something like "Ooooh we're just like sisters back here, we just get annoyed with eachother like that, I'm sorry too." .......Yeaaaaaah. -eye roll- So its over. I think I did the right thing, even though I was fuming.
I can't wait to quit this place. Company policy says I'm entitled to a half hour break if I work over 5 hours, and federal law will enforce it. I frequently work 9 hours a day, and 1/3 of the time the store manager will expressly forbid me to take a break. She even said she would be forced to "split the shift" if I made a big deal out of it...which translated into "I will cut your hours in half so I don't have to give you a break." If I'm starving and extremely uncomfortable from it, they shouldn't try and squeeze a few extra minutes out of me, even if its busy. I'll do better work if I get to eat. I don't even take the full break, ever. I'll even come back from breaks to help out if I notice there's a line, and go back to finish eating or have a cigarette after. And they shouldn't threaten to take away my hours as a result of this need and ENTITLEMENT. Now I'm the bad guy cause I'm the only one that says anything about it. Uhg. I really can't wait to find a new place to work....Some place that won't take advantage of the fact that we all need work badly, and thus take advantage of us. I have no problem with working long hours, HELLO accounting, but god.

THANK YOU for all the support. Everything you guys have said has made me feel better. I have been trying. All my friends in majors like civil engineering, animal vet science, anthropology, english 3x, illustration 2x, and history have ALL been struggling. I know maaaaaybe.....4 or 5 people with real jobs...Not all of which are recent college grads like us, some had a year or two head start. Uhg.

Anyway, thanks guys. I'm glad my *****ing wasn't viewed as "*****ing", ya know?

Thanks for posting, Emily. We want know how you are doing. Hope something turns up soon. Good luck.