[youOme]

I haven't posted here in a very long time. I'm actually feeling kinda nervous.

My depression is mostly brought on by my situation. I can't even think clearly, so if I don't make sense...that's why.

Basically in the last year I have lost everything. I have dropped out of college, lost my home, my kids, my car, my job...recently I have lost my boyfriend and gained a crap load of weight. I'm attempting to get my life together again, but I am completely hopeless. I am literally starting from the bottom and trying to put the pieces back together again.

I've moved in with my ex, so I am back with my children again. But, I am so filled with guilt I don't even know where to begin to start a relationship with them again. I've basically been out of their lives for a year and a half.

I've also gotten a job, a housekeeping job. It's something for now. My ex is letting me use his jeep to get back and forth to work. He is helping me as much as he can.

Clearly I've made the first step to starting on the right path, but I am still completely heart broken over my boyfriend, and lonely. Over these years I lost contact with all my friends and a lot of family members as well.

I cry and sleep a lot. I also get really hopeless. I feel there is no future.

[thunderbear]

Keep your head up Desirae. I know it's hard to keep all those bad thoughts and hopelesness out but know that you are not alone.

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Good to hear you are back with your children, yet sorry to hear about the rest of your situation. I'm sure your kids will be forgiving. How old are they? You say you lost contact with family and friends...Is that by choice?

[tonih]

Babysteps......slowly , you will regain your life. In the meantime, be proud of the steps you are already taking and hang in there!

[youOme]

Yes, my kids are at the age were they haven't even noticed, they are just happy to have mommy home again. They are 4 and 5 years old. I wasn't completely obsolete during the years I was gone, I did have them on the weekends, but as far as their primary care... I had nothing to do with it. They always tell me I am the best mommy in the world. That helps, and puts a smile on my face.

As far as my friends, they weren't that good to begin with. They were the type of friends to party with and do drugs and drink with. But when I stopped partying, they were no where to be found. So, yeah....their gone. Occasionally I'll have a friend call here and there, but only to talk about themselves...never to check up on me or my situation.

[idontknow13]

(((((YouOme))))
You are doing the right things, one day at a time it will get better! You must be doing something right if your kids tell you that you are the best mommy in the world, that in itself is worth so much. From what you say, you dont need those friends...
Take care of yourself and the rest will take care care of itself

I am happy for the progress you have been making. Please continue to post so we know how you are doing. Good luck.

[lonegael]

(((((((YouOme))))))) It's rough, I know, but please be proud of the diffcult stuff that you have already done. Maybe it's hard to see the future because you are in the middle of making it possible? Its wonderfulll that your children are glad to have you home and your ex is helping out. I really hope that your mood will lighten enough for you to appreciate all the stuff you've done! Huggs and more!

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((YouOme))))

Sorry you are going through so much right now. I am glad you are back with your children. That is important. For both them and you. You must be a good mom and they love you. That is somethng to hang onto.

I am glad to hear that your ex is helping you out. That helps. I know that things seem really hopeless, but they are moving forward. I know that you must miss your boyfriend, but maybe there is something waiting around the corner for you.

We never know why things happen, but there is always a reason. The friends you had that only reach out to you for themselves and were there only when you would party, are they really your friends? You deserve better than that. You are worth more than just partying.

I hope you are taking good care of you. Do something kind for yourself. Be gentle. Breathe. You are making good changes even though it may seem like it is moving slow. I do hear you. Please keep reaching out here and let us know how you are doing.

Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[turquoisesea]

(((youOme)))))

Here's one sentence that stuck out to me:

I am literally starting from the bottom and trying to put the pieces back together again.

Maybe you don't have to try to put the piece back the way they were. That's impossible. Your past is your past. If you want to mend something from it, do so. But right now, at the very bottom, you are at a beginning. You can start up again, find new friends new goals and a new life. Even the greatest of castles looked small when they were first getting built :worried: give it some time, and keep reaching out to your new life