:( :( :(

I feel so awful. So empty. So unfulfilled.

Nothing interests me. I have no structure. I have no purpose. I have no drive.
My life has no meaning. Because of my illnesses my life is so small.

Fear, depression and phobias SUCK!!! I don't know what to do.

I have a T and a pdoc and I'm on meds.

I hate my life. I am such a failure.

I just want to die.

Berries, being sick does suck. Especially in this way. Things can get better, keep reaching out. I know you recently started a support group - that's GREAT! Maybe in the long term this will really help and you can maybe even meet some friends there. Maybe you could pick a hobby that doesn't trigger the phobia but involves other people and is fun to you. A lot of maybes.... there are always possibilities, don't give up now because you're going in the right direction

(((Berries )))
Just letting you know you are not alone
You say you hate your life , but I know you don't want to die.
One day at a time Berries

(((Berries))))
Sending warm thoughts your way hon.
I have been going through a very difficult time similar to you.
You can fight and win...I have sooo much faith in you.
Take care, and please keep us updated.
Jen

(((((berries))))))
You are going through such a rough time lately, I am so sorry.
My prayers and thoughts are with you

((((((( Berries! )))))))

You haven't failed in charming all of us

((((((((((Berries)))))))))))

(((((((((((Berries))))))))))))))))))

I know you are hurting. It will get better, I am sure of it. You are not a failure, it is your illness telling you that. Berries, I remember all those time you had so many wise words of widsom and compassion for me when I was hurting and felt like I was at the end of my rope. That is not failure. You are going through a rough time, but you are stronger than this. You have shown that. Hang on Berries, we are all here for you.

Hey Berries, I was just wondering how today is for you

Thank you for asking Turquoisesea. Hugs to you. I know you are struggling too.
I am feeling about the same. I am not crying though. So that is better. It’s just so depressing and overwhelming to have such huge stumbling blocks between me and a happy, well rounded, and fulfilled life.
I realize that the stumbling blocks are my own personal demons. But somehow that makes it worse than if they were outside sources. Does that make sense to anyone?

(((((((berries)))))))) Makes sense, but remember, being in you makkes it harder for them to hide! Proud of all you've done and are doing! Hugggggsss you jem of a person!

(((((((((((((((( Berries ))))))))))))))))

Makes a lot of sense to me, whenever I am in a bad way I feel exactly the same because I feel I can do something about it but even though we can help ourselves in different ways, sometimes Depression is overwhelming!
I wish I could take your pain away (((((Berries))))) I am sending you hugs and positive vibes. Keep posting, I care

I think I understand. It's easier to have another person or outside source as the "enemy" keeping things from going right, but when the cause is inside but not something that's easy to change it becomes very difficult to deal with.

I personally think all the time "Why can't I just walk out that door, go to the park/mall/wherever, maybe bring some friends, and have fun?" "Why can't I answer that phone call?" "Why can't I practice". And there I am sitting in bed.. stuck... I know I WANT to do these things but IT is stopping me. I know you have the same problems, I know you have other problems I don't have too. I can only imagine having a phobia. These things get in the way of our lives.

I still do have hope that all of us can have good lives, that we can get better. Maybe not the perfect life we envision but a happy one. I think we need to hold onto that hope, and reach out to the people who can help make our vision possible. It's not fair, and it's not easy, but that's what we are given and we have to make the best of it.

*hugs*

How are you doing , Berries?

About the same, thank you. Depressed and a little disappointed.

I did what was a very big deal for me--I was invited for coffee by a girl from my DBSA support group and I went, yesterday.

It was extremely difficult for me. The conversation on my part was stilted and awkward. She probably thinks I have no personality at all. I also didn't really like her. I didn't dislike her. I think she is a nice person. Just no chemistry. But maybe that's my fault. I have been friendless for so long...

I had really hoped for more to come out of the (as Turquoisesea puts it) "play date". Like we would bond and become really close friends. I don't think that is happening.

So, I am back to being depressed, disappointed, frustrated and scared.

I just want to go to sleep and stay that way ( sans the nightmares)

Berries, I can so relate to everything you're saying. This is also why I don't have any advice. If I could figure out what to do to get better I'd tell you right away.
On the other hand it seems to me that you're doing great in fighting IT. A support group, a coffee, not giving in... These are all very difficult things to do and you're doing them. I think you're on the right way and I hope you find the strenght to go on like this. I so wish you to feel better, my friend In the meantime we're all here for you. Keep posting if it helps

Hugs