As the rain falls...

Today was quite a peculiar day. Hath my eyes deceived me? Maybe, but I know my hands and emotions had not. Today is a rainy day, a most suitable bleak and desolate sky which ran in tantamount with my own self. The frost worn coldness which pervaded through my body gripped my flash and thus began to poison within.

I felt the barbed icicles of this invisible entity grappling, gashing, and gripping at the very place where my mind met matter. It drifted from me as a watched the raindrops loll their way across my window, the thin barrier of glass which kept all the hope and warmth of the inner mind is fading. Now I find myself alone, my mind even isolated from the only other possession I had, my body.

How strange of a boy am I, to draw back and cringe in fear when a mistress as beautiful as the eye can fathom rears closer to kiss me. Her name is Numbness, sister to apathy, daughter to desolation. But so today I shall die, and tomorrow I'll be born. I'll close my eyes and the world shall form. From darkness I reach for the ineffable light, though it is in cased.

The luminous flames still glow but now harbors the drowsy blue radiance of the ice womb which holds it captive. And so I find myself a single mind of duel dilemmas. Am I reaching in apprehensively from outside the flames? Closer and closer do I long to feel warmth again, yet more fearful and fearful do I grow as my mistress guards the flame.

Am I reaching out desperately from within the flames? Incarcerated like a animal within my own reality, this life, this fear. I am the flame. And I am dying, for this womb is much too cold for me...in the distance I see my brothers and sisters, so distant and so strange.

In their wombs they sit peacefully, not racing and turbulent flames but comfortable and durable blue crystals, adapting, and absorbing the womb's profusion. So where do I reach? I reach for you, for society, for my inner fire, towards the fire, the heat, heat, happy, happy, happiness...could it ever be?

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Hello everyone, I've been hanging around PC in a rather phantom like fashion for quite a while now, and this shall be my first post on this board.

Please forgive me if you think I'm absurd, my ability to vocalize my problems and socialize in general is pretty compromised. So here I turn to the power of the written word bear the mark of my mind's emblem. For some strange reason I find it rather difficult to compose my thoughts in a less abstract fashion, sorry, sometimes I just go off in a trance when I'm writing....

I'll talk more about myself (hopefully in a more concrete fashion next time) later, but for now just know that I am a disillusioned underachieving seven teen year old who has suffered from depression for around six years. My friends and family are unsupportive, my sister's abilities overshadow all of mine, I'm incredibly introverted, was bullied quite a bit in middle school and early high school. My work ethnic is moot and I find myself devoid of much practical knowledge (especially in the financial area), the real world scares me, I've been robbed of my adolescence...

And most of all,

I'm cold. Thank you for reading.

~Monsieur

(((Monsieur)))
Thanks for posting ...... And I don't think you're absurd.
Can't wait for your next post. Take care

Hello, Monsieur. If there was one thing you could do today that would make your life better, what would it be?

Understood.

Welcome, Monsieur!

Welcome and wow! Nice bit of writing!

Hi babysteps! Thanks for your support! Hope you take care as well.

Hi Byzantine, thanks for responding to both my threads despite my relative obscurity here. Hmm...what could I do today to make things better? Well, if I just had the damn guts no doubt I should be seeking some professional help....

Hey Rohag, thanks for your support! Hope to see you around again

Thanks Lonegael! Your support is definitely appreciated

It's stopped raining today, a clear and beautiful sky yet still freezing as if nothing had changed. Guess it could still fit myself though, looking up, trying to fathom that beautiful sky, a beautiful future. I'm down here though, so cold...

I'll be around.

~Monsieur

Interesting first post. I look foward to future writings. welcome to pc , there is definately more to you than you give yourself credit for!

Having to concede I could not manage my life at times without help was very difficult. Yes, it takes courage.

May you believe you are worthy of a better life. May you choose to accept some discomfort in the short term to benefit from assistance you will receive for the long term.

Good luck.

Well, welcome to this one then :] haha. You are very creative, its very interesting. If you ever need anything...or are just bored out of your skull, I'm right there with ya, so I'll be here for you :] haha

Thanks Tonih! It's strange, because I know I'm not an idiot, yet I still feel frustrated due to the fact that I feel as though I still haven't discovered my authentic self yet and I'm living in a high speed world which demands growing up ridiculously fast.

Thanks Bynzantine, I'm going to need that luck! Growing up with a rather conservative circle of family and friends, mental illness and even the mere request of assisstance was nothing but a blatant sign of weakness...

Just what would my life be like if I took that reach? I can't help but wonder, and I can't help but fear. I don't need anymore redicule from my peers and family as is.

Thanks Stephiifaye! Creative? You give me too much credit! I think complete weirdo would be a better name .

Hope to see you around as well!

~Monsieur

Haha nooo, trust me I think of myself the same way. But I really like your writing :] And thanks