Free Fall (SI mentioned)

I thought being on this site would help me cope with things but I only read about peoples problems and offer my 58 cents and a quarter, but I don't get anywhere. I went to Knotts over the weekend and got on supreme scream, I couldn't figure out why I liked it. The I realized that I liked it because of the free fall. So many things are going on right now and I am losing my mind. (literally). I have friends but I can't talk to them. I can't just come right out and say that I want to SI or am having "thoughts". I have so much work that I can't focus on. I am an honors student with almost all Cs. I act like nothing bugs me but it does. My past present and future just makes me want to "stop the worring", but I know that I do have a few people in my life that would get hurt by me doing that. But the way I see it is that I hurt them enough just by being me. I don't know what to do about any of it and the more I "blackout" the less friends I seem to have at the end of the week. Today is one of those days but all I can do is sit here and suffer or hurt someone I love. I am just losing myself and everything I worked for. I don't care about any of it anymore. I feel like I can't do anything but watch the house burn down.

((((mini moo))))

Thank you for reaching out and posting. I am hearing you and I am listening. I do know what you are feeling and I am sorry you are feeling so bad.

I validate what you are saying, I really do. But it is not true. You are worth it and so much more. Inside I hear to just let go and let it all end. But I know that it is not really what I want.

We have fought too long to allow anything to happen. If I give in then I am allowing those that would rather I listened to win. They are not worth it.

I know the feeling of so many things going on right now and I understand the feelings of losing your mind. Sometimes it would be easier to lose my mind, but then what have I done? Fighting to reach one more minute or second is all that counts.

If we can make it one more second, then one more second, so forth and so on.........then those seconds become minutes, which become hours, which become days. And before we know it we have pushed through the pain and the negative and reached another step upwards.

I know the feeling of being an honor student and then not feeling like you are reaching that potential. I had to step back this last term and take time to get myself back to a place health wise that I will be able to do what I know I can do.

I have to step back yet again, as I am having surgery in January, and will be down for awhile. So I am now having to wait until Spring to go back. But it is okay if you need to take a break to find yourself again and then go back.

Why do we do that? Act like nothings bothering us when it is? I hear you and I am sorry this happens to you. But I do believe that depression plays a big part in feeling that way. Depression so many times grabs us and we do not even know it has us until it is too late.

But please know that we are listening and we are here for you. You are not alone. Please keep posting and reaching out. We do care. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

Life is lived, and lost, one day at a time. Each day can offer the opportunity for a small victory in your life. So look to achieve those tiny little victories every day if you can and feel good about those actions that you take that demonstrate to yourself that you really are trying to make an effort in your life.

Hi, Mini moo! I've read your post several times and sense great frustration and apprehension, but I realize I'm not getting something and I don't know what.

I wish I could get inside your sense of powerlessness and see it from within.

PS: I have fond memories of Knott's Berry Farm!

What do you think you are not understanding? I could clarify, If you want. You can either Private message me or whatever. I hope you are having a good night.

But, If my efforts are only turning for the worst, why should I be happy about it? Why should I triumph over things I do that hurt me and others?

*Side Note: Why are you sad? I would love to help.. You can Private message/IM/Aim/Skype me... I will try to do the best I can to mke your situation better. You can add me as a friend if you want.

What one thing that you could do today would make your life a bit better?

I really Dont know..... All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. Hibernate. something.

I know how you feel. I have just recently temporarily gotten over that feeling. Like within the past few days kind of thing. I know what its like to just want to sleep all of the time. I get to that point where I dont know what to do with myself either.
I guess what I'm saying is that I know how it is, and if you need someone, I offer you the same help you offered me :]

I wouldn't know where to start. :?
I am not to good with opening up. will make an effort. Thanks for giving me the opp.
I will be getting offline shortly but you can Aim/Im me. the offer stands for you too. and everyone else.

No problem. And I honestly wouldnt even care if you were like "Well...soo...hi..the sky is blue" hahaha. Cause I am rediculously bad at opening up too haha. Really though, if you're ever feeling down, I know how much it sucks. And I'd say yeahhh, but my AIM is being very stupid tonight haha. I have to get off soon too anyways, but I'm always on here haha

LOL I will do that. And Aim gets annoying after a while. texting is much more convienient. lol. I get on when I ge t home. I hate getting on from my cell. I give my # to most people who ask for it or want it. lol. Its not a biggie to me. (keep that in mind). lol
so far my day is ok.... though.... yours?