[Shangrala]

Okay.
I'm here. In depression forum...and for a reason, obviously.

I've read enough. Taken those online tests to see if I am depressed. Failed it, (or, passed. I suppose it depends on how one looks at it). Regardless, the tests I've taken state I'm clinically depressed.

I was wondering if those here can give me more personal insight on if I just may be depressed, if so, how to go about seeking help for it, (who do I go to, what to ask, etc), and what to expect in return.

I've been putting this off for quite sometime now. Not sure why. Maybe because I don't really care for the idea that I AM depressed.

I'm generally a very upbeat person. Little (normally) bothers me. I greet all with a huge smile and a song in my tone, so to speak. Helpful to other's. Optomistic. Playful.

But for the past couple years, (since a bit before I'd begun the plan to leave marriage), I began to slip into a low tolerance of....everything. It was a gradual decline from who I naturally am, and into a shell of what I have become.
I thought that once I've gotten myself & daughter out of that environment, I'd return to my old self again. After all, my optimism was a great power source and has before carried me through 3 trips to hell and back.
But this time is different. I haven't bounced back like before. Even though I keep telling myself...."tomorrow will be that first day of finding me again". Not happening, despite of what I'm telling myself. (Needless to mention, that daughter is suffering from this, as well).

What used to be simple, daily duties have become extremely difficult struggles that I do not attend to anymore. There are days that....sudden sorrow and sadness hit me so hard that I can't even think straight, let alone have the will to get dressed..IF, at that point, I even make it out of bed.
I have enormous difficulty concentrating. I forget things easily. I cannot comprehend....anything. I succumb to the simplest things...defeated. I don't even try anymore, feeling too overwhelmed before I even begin. I find that I don't even care...about alot of things anymore. Things which used to bring me great pleasure....simple things. Even my hobbies are a hassle for me...too much of a pain to do....not worth it, anymore....What is up with that? I LOVE my hobbies...or, used to.

I've noticed this is a cycle which occurs monthly. There are days that are better than others, but not many. And, it seems that with each cycle's end, the worse they progress....gradually. When the sorrow hits me....I'm absolutely worthless...to self and anyone around me.

The thought of medication sorta freaks me out. I've never been dx'd with anything before, and from all those ads I've seen on tv, (and I have to admit, some of the posts I've read on here, and with some ppl I've spoken to), the side effects from the drugs are worse than the problem itself.

I've considered that mayyyybe meopause may be a culprit, but I still have my period. I'm not experiencing any apparent symptoms from menopause, (that I've heard and read of), but wonder if a woman can have meopause without ANY symptoms....NO idea. Or, am I depressed?

What the hell am I so afraid of BY not attending to see a doc about this?
Why am I procrastinating? I'm aware that it might be time to seek help, but I keep putting it off.....why do I do that?

Anyway....any insight would be appreciated.
Thanks for your help. I appreciate it.

Shangrala

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

What used to be simple, daily duties have become extremely difficult struggles that I do not attend to anymore. There are days that....sudden sorrow and sadness hit me so hard that I can't even think straight, let alone have the will to get dressed..IF, at that point, I even make it out of bed.

Shangrala

Shangrala
This is enough to maybe see a P-doc. I let mine go too far and ended up going to the nearest crisis unit to get diagnosed . Maybe the fact that taking medications might be holding you back. You may not need medication . I'm very glad you posted this . That is the hardest part , this can't be happening to ME. If it is happening to you , now is the time to seek help. I'm sure many of the depressed members here can explain it better than me. Good Luck Mary.

[opheliasorrow]

Hon is certainly sounds like depression just by what you are saying. A simple blood test will tell you whether it is the onset of menopause. It maybe a good idea to go see your doc, explain all this and they may give you a blood test or suggest taking a low dose of anti depressants just for a short time to see if they lift your mood. They are not addictive these days, your chemical imbalance in your brain may be disturbed a little or it could be hormone issues ... keep us posted, good luck, Ophelia xxxx

[lynn P.]

Hi Mary,
I feel like I have a mild depression too but blame it on circumstances. If it doesn't improve once the circumstances get better, then you may need a low dose anti-depressant. I also think if a person is stuck for too long, the body is overwhelmed with too many stress hormones and you can't bounce back.
Even though you're not in menopause yet, it could be peri-menopause. Ask your doctor for a blood test to measure your hormone levels. Of course you want to do the standard self help tips of eating healthy, exercising and resting. I think one of the best things are person can do, is too learn how to calm themselves - doing yoga, meditation or even simple deep breathing exercises. If we feel stressed we can automatically start breathing deep and re-directing our thoughts, so we avoid the release of stress hormones. If you tell your doctor that you feel it's just mild depression - he won't give you heavy duty medication. I know the feeling of trying to be upbeat when you really don't feel like it. I hope you feel better soon.

[Lboogieg]

My dear Shangrala, I feel exactly the same way you do about my depression. I'm not quite sure if it's depression because sometimes I feel really good and can do my dancercizing and everything. But other times I feel really bad and can't seem to get my thoughts together. I've never really had problems getting out of bed (I always want to get up at a certain point) but there are definitely times I wonder about me because I feel upset even when good things happen to me.

My mind tends to focus a lot more on the bad, and I'm not sure why that is. Either way it goes, I thought it was prudent to come here and ask for guideance and advice. I get confused about my mental state too, and the more tests I take it seems like I am suffering from some mild depression. I haven't quite lost interest in things that were important to me, but I definitely find less and less interest in things in general.

The best we can do is seek more guideance and request the support of our fellow people here. It'll all be clear to us soon, hang in there!

[tunesinger]

Mary,
There are at home tests you can now administer to see if you are at the beggining of menopause, but regardless of how the donkey got in the ditch, as my grandma used to say, focus on getting it back out, or in other words the solutions.

Medication is not always the first line of defense. Look at diet, exercise those things that become difficult when we are stressed or anxious. Stay away from fast food and reduce caffeine consumption. START doing the things you used to do that made you happy. Leaving a marriage is stressful so it could be situational depression and not clinical, but either way seek help. My doctor put me on a med that helped with menopause because of a hysterectomy (no ovary's) that is an anti-depressant. But my advice to you is now that you've figured out something is wrong, focus on solutions!
Tunesinger