I'm a Failure

I feel like a complete and total failure. I feel so overwhelmed like I can't do anything. I want to hurt myself. I have no money and I have so many bills to pay. I have to borrow money from my parents to make ends meet. I'm supposed to be able to make it on my own. But I can't. I can't even get a job. (I wouldn't hire me with my hours avalible because of classes). But I can't make it until school loans come in. I'm panicking. I feel like a complete and total failure. And the only thing I'm really spending a lot of money on is therapy (besides rent and tuition etc). I thought I could do this. Now I'm not so sure. I can't stand all this stress!

Googley, though I accept you feel like a failure, I cannot picture you as one. Your dogged strivings reflect merit on you regardless of how you feel.

I don't remember clearly, but you may have mentioned having feelings of self-depreciation in connection with being overwhelmed before. Is this a pattern?

United with others in confidence in your future

Googley I hate to see you , me or anyone like this . Stress is NOT good. How can you relieve this stress? NOT by hurting yourself. Relax . Take a warm bath. Breathe deeply . What does your therapist say about your situation? Did you discuss it with them?
I really don't know googley.......sorry

You may feel that way right now,but you aren't a failure.

That's right!!!

((((((Gooogley)))))))) Take a deep breath, and step back. Look what you are doing.
You are under stress, right? Right. Tough stuff stress. Needs tough measures. But what's happening? You are calling your self names and taking the fact that your classes don't allow for reasonable working hours as proof of your worthlessness. Logical? NO. I don't see how it follows. That is not you speaking, that is underlying tendency to approach disappointment and stress and frustration according to Depression's rules, and not the rules of logic or actually solving the problem.

Googley, you are a winner. The only people (or thing in D.'s case) who would say that you are not are liars. They have a hidden agenda and your best is not what they are after. You are obligated to do what you can, not measure up to some expectation of liviing that illness and other things make unreachable RIGHT NOW. You are studying, you are fighting a nasty chronic mood disorder, you are trying to sort yourself out at the same time you come here and reach out to the rest of us who have problems.
MR. D simply kicks the feet out from under people and lies to them when they are down. Is that a winner? NO! I know, when I start to mess something up, I start cussing at myself, and that is a powerfull urge that is hard to break. BUT I have been working on it, and it happens every couple of months now, not every day. Keep fighting it dear. Someday you'll be clear of this and on your own feet, but accept that it won't all happen now at the same time. Huggggs. Many and warm.

Dearest Googly, let's take a look at whats going on...the unemployment rate is in the double digits. The US Government had to bail out 3 major car manufactures this year alone. Massive layoffs happen daily. In other words, this is not your mother's economy. Please do not place the economy on your shoulders. It is happening but we can help eachother out. If you are in the US you can log onto United Way and get some assistance. Everyone knows how tough it is out there. Hang in there with us...please?

(((((((((((((( googley )))))))))))))))))

No!!! You're not a failure!!!!

Failure is an event, never a person. ~William D. Brown

I know it's tough right now but take a step back and consider what you'd think about somebody else in the same position as yourself. Would you call them a failure, or just think that they're having a rough time right now? Depression tends to skew our perceptions of ourselves (and not for the better!) Jobs are hard to come by for anybody, it's not your fault that the economy and unemployment are so bad right now. And trust me, for a student, you spending money on therapy is a MUCH wiser choice than what a lot of students spend theirs on. I know someone who blew their entire student loan on booze in a single semester. THAT is failure. Doing what you're doing is planning ahead, protecting and taking care of yourself, doing what you need to in order to get by. It's a show of strength!

Please do something kind for yourself. You deserve it.

Everyone,
Thank you for writing to me and reminding me that I'm not a failure and that I don't deserve the harsh things I was telling myself. That I don't deserve to be hurt and I need to give myself a break when I feel that everything is so overwhelming. I need to remember to be kind to myself and not judge myself harder than I would judge others (something that has always been extremely hard).

I wish I could come and give all of you great big hugs because all of your kind words have brought tears to my eyes. I needed to be reminded that I was valuable. Thank you for that. I will try and remember what you have said. I may need to come back for a reminder in the future as it seems to come and go in waves. But I know that you all will be here to help me get back on the right track!

(((((((((((((((( googley )))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((( googley))))))))))))

I have never met a graduate student yet who has every bill paid, is current on their rent, is living high on the hog (sorry, Oklahoma talk for eating steak once a month, or if you're vegetarian, oh, whatever,you get my point......) is keeping up with their schoolwork, in your case is paying for EXPENSIVE therapy, and managing the mental stress of school as well as you are given your circumstances. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. I am amazed at what you are accomplishing.

You are expecting a lot from yourself. What you have committed yourself to is very, very difficult for anyone!!!

Lots and lots of people these days have unpaid bills lying on their desks. We are living in very difficult times. Be grateful that you are doing as well as you are because all of us here at PC support you and are very proud of what you are doing.

Take it a day at a time.....an hour at a time, if you need to. Focus and do relaxation exercises. Do other stress management practices. Those bills aren't going anywhere. You'll pay them when you'll pay them. You can take care of your parents in their old age. (Isn't that the way it works anyway?)

We're behind you. ((((((((( googley )))))))