[pattyd]

Hi to you,

Thanks so much for reading my thoughts here....I'm quite miserably depressed, searching for answers. I've been trying to figure out how to get out of this sudden dark hole I have fallen so far down into.

Over and over, I read you should reach out to others, talk to people, open up to a friend, etc. It makes so much sense. I truly long to have that kind of connection.

But it assumes a lot. I work two jobs, seven days a week, high profile jobs and so have many, many opportunities to connect with others. But yet I don't. Because the big irony is people often turn to me with problems. My nickname is sunshine/smiley. It comes natural to want to help, I like it.

So I'm not use to reaching out to others and, honestly, I don't think anyone really cares. At all. Most people are wrapped up in their own worlds. I don't mean that be self-pitying, I just really think that is a fact.

And here's the kicker...I'm so irritable. I've never been like this. I was always very mellow, laid back. But suddenly everything sets me off now. I don't want to talk to people, I don't want even to be around them. Hate to admit that, it makes me sound much more bitter than I want to but it's 100% where I'm at. I'm so lonely but also unable to express myself.

So I don't feel like I do have a voice because I don't think anyone really cares. It's kinda like the tree falling in the forest analogy. If you speak but no one listens, did you really speak??? I mean, even if I did find someone who cares, I don't know how to express myself right now without coming across as snippy and unpleasant. So I want to connect but my depression is this wall that won't let me.

Anyway, what a mess. Thanks much for listening. Any thoughts/wisdom/nudges would be a huge, huge help.

Patty

[gimmeice]

Hello Pattyd, welcome to psych central.
Depression a lot of times makes us feel like we have no voice or that no one will care to listen to us but in every situation that I have encountered the fact is that these are just lies that depression tells us.
Have you considered therapy? I have found therapy very helpful, you may too.

[LittleMissSunshine]

honestly, I don't think anyone really cares. At all. Most people are wrapped up in their own worlds.

i agree. that's how i feel all the time. and even when u find some one who is actively listening and asking you questions, you don't want to talk about it for too long cuz u feel bad. not worth enough to take up that persons time, even if they truly care and want to help. so you hold it in.

So I don't feel like I do have a voice because I don't think anyone really cares.

i feel that way every time i open my mouth =( i get talked over all the time. my stories aren't as funny as that persons or stupid **** like that. or my opinion doesn't matter or my idea.i just give up half the time mostly cuz i don't want to start being annoying or pushy

Two jobs seven days a week will wear you down and may lead to burnout. It is no surprise to me you are irritable. Taking some time off from your grueling schedule may not fix everything that ails you, but it certainly cannot hurt.

[Amazonmom]

I think therapy might help you....your situation reminds me of my situation when my last huge depressive episode happened.

HUGS

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Pattyd! I'd add something, but it would just be repeating the apt observations and advice you've already received above. Welcome, and make yourself at home.

One possible addition: Some people save their posts here on PsychCentral and print them out for their therapists or friends. That can help when face-to-face communication is difficult.

[shezbut]

((((PattyD))))

Sorry that you are feeling miserable and crabby. I agree with the others, but I just wanted to give you a hug. I'm waaay past "acting happy" for other's sake. Instead, I appear emotionally removed in almost all cases. No fun either way.

Best wishes to you!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( pattyd )))))))))))))))

[*freak*]

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time and you can't talk to anybody about it. Remember you can always post here, we'll listen and we'll show you that we genuinely care

I would also consider therapy as others already suggested.
Take good care of yourself

[Psyched]

Just want you to know- I know exactly how you feel. Sending hugs.

[pattyd]

Wow, thank you so very much for being so supportive and understanding. It wouldn't be possible for me to tell you how much it means to me right now. I walked through my day today feeling like I was moving through glue, just going through the motions. To come home and read your words here, well, you can just tell when someone gets what you are going through and you obviously do.

Truthfully, I really didn't want to go the therapy route because it didn't do much for me in the past. But, after reading this, I'm changing my mind. Why not. It's not like it will make me any sadder/worse off. I do want to be proactive and force myself, if I have to, in doing things maybe I don't want to. Whatever it takes.

Anyway, thank you all again. So many good suggestions. You all are great. I'm anxious to learn more from you and, hopefully, help you realize you aren't alone either.

p.s. This might seem really silly (because it probably is) but I mentioned I had "high profile" jobs. Later, I thought that seemed a tad pretentious! I don't mean I'm Queen of the World. I just have jobs that put me in constant interaction with both the public and my coworkers. Anyway, just felt a little self conscious about my verbiage there.

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by pattyd

Truthfully, I really didn't want to go the therapy route because it didn't do much for me in the past. But, after reading this, I'm changing my mind.

I didn't have much luck in therapy till I met my current therapist. Sometimes it just takes a while to find the right fit. Now I wish I'd found her years ago.

Hoping you find one that's the perfect fit for you....

[lonegael]

Welcome Patty D. Glad you posted. Therer are a lot of people with a lot of experience and some very good ideas here, so this is a good place to wander into. Hope to se more of you soon, dear. Hugggs, and hope things lighten up for you soon!

[NuckingFutz]

Hi Patty, somehow you have fallen into my black hole of depression. You may want to consider getting a complete physical first and have yourself screened for depression while you are at it. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

[embracinglife]

good job for being able to reach out on here. What you wrote, reaching out to this online community, shows that you are able to reach out to others for help and support when you need it. You just need to be able to find the strength to do that in your everyday life. Do things just for you...for the sole purpose of taking care of yourself, not others. Taking care of you might be the most important thing right now, and you need to listen to yourself. I trust that in time, you will be able to ask for what you need.

Be a man. You speak loud and clear.

[Spidersal]

Wow. This was powerful. I was realizing this week - after attempting to call three family members back to back and getting "I can't talk right now, I'll call you back" that I was left with no one to reach out to at a really, really low point.

I work many hours - often don't have time to take lunch or a break - and have been feeling lately like my life is carrying me along from obligation to obligation without a chance to catch my breath. I often end up at the end of the day, dazed and realizing I have perhaps 1/2 an hour to decompress before it's time to go to bed and start it all over again the next day.

It took three "hang ups" in fifteen minutes to make me suddenly realize - I'm the one others rely on to be strong, to be constant. My relationships are really one-sided and not only do I share the blame for letting them get that way, but it has left me literally alone in a crowded room. The people I have surrounded myself with have no idea what's really going on inside of me, and most of them aren't likely to be able (or willing) to find out.

It has made me begin rethinking many things, but mostly that I don't want my life to be this way anymore. I want a connection to folks, I want equal, supportive relationships instead.

[lonegael]

Yep, been there, done tht, bought the t-shirt and I look awful in it. Huggs to you Spidersal and Graciemi!

[VickiesPath]

If your city has a Crisis Hotline, make use of it. They are expert listeners and are a wonderful resourse in a pinch.

Also, even psychiatrists and ministers have shrinks. Wouldn't you think they would get burnt out from listening to people 24/7?

We are always here for you. And we do care. Also, there are people around you who care and you will know this as soon as you connect with them. It will probably surprise you who they are.

Welcome to PsychCentral.