Depression and dealing with coworkers, how do you cope???

Hi again,

Well, I hope I'm not posting too many questions here. I feel so relieved to be able to vent in a safe place...

Anyway, since my depression hit, I'm really struggling to at work. The truth is the sadness makes me want to crawl in a hole. My emotions run the gamet from teary to numb to unfocused to angry. So having to interact with people all day can be an enormous challenge.

A couple of my coworkers seem to have noticed this personality change in me. And seem to take it personally. My game face was always to be smiley/approachable. Now I'm much more reserved. I'm still professional and polite but just don't have it in me to listen to what someone did during the weekend. I just don't care and you are the only one I can say that too.

Here's what I'm getting to.

For the coworkers who have noticed, they are now being reserved back at me. I can't blame them. But I do find it puzzling and yet another annoyance to deal with. I am someone who, roles reversed, would ask the person if everything is okay. To be "punished" with the silent treatment is just....I don't know, it's just weird to me.

I can't do anything but just exist right now. And bantering happily with people is not something I can do.

My plan is just to take it day by day.
Keep being professional/polite/friendly as I can be and just ignore any cold shoulders.

But if you can relate or have any advice, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
Patty

Same here. One of my eternally compassionate yet so far anonymous co-workers who probably noticed I'd been self-injuring about a year ago, forged my name to create an email account at live.com (hotmail), then used that email account to order "helpful" literature on drug abuse and mental illness, sent to my office in a most particularly NOT plain unmarked envelope, so I'm sure all kinds of people got to see it on its way to my desk. And then followed up about six months later with a catalog for pornography and sex toys. When I asked my manager what was going to happen, he told me I was being inconsiderate of my co-workers who were understandably afraid of someone with an apparent mental illness.

I went to my doc and got her to do an ADA accommodation request that allowed me to work from home (I have the kind of job where this is perfectly feasible). That was great for a few months, but suddenly my manager decided he'd rather have me back in the office.

The manager is a real piece of work. In his small group, so far there's been (at least) one nervous breakdown (me), three people sent to anger management, numerous writeups and grievances with HR about harassment among co-workers and this manager, and yesterday he topped it off by giving one of our group a public reaming-out in email for a trivial procedural thing, which left her crying for two hours, and me fuming all day then going to the ER this morning with chest pains that turned out (fortunately) to be "just" severe heartburn/gastritis.

As well as having to take lots of nice antidepressants, tranks and sleeping pills just to function, I take strong meds for GERD because of esophageal strictures and hiaitial hernia, so the stress is taking its toll on me physically as well as mentally. I'm off to my regular MD this afternoon to see if I need another gastroscopy to see what's going on, and maybe surgery to repair the hernia and reflux because it looks like the Prilosec/Prevacid/whatever purple stuff has stopped working.

Yeah, do the day by day thing, keep things professional (I slipped up a time or two and got written up), and don't let yourself get pushed around. Research your options, especially if there are accommodations that will help you cope with your current illness, for example a quiet, undisturbed place to work, maybe work from home part of the week if that's feasible, a scheduled time during each work day for interruptions then they leave you alone to get your work done without distractions, and so on.

I think my coworkers notice my depression these days too. One close friend discussed it with me in the ladies room. I just am either, nervous, sad , withdrawn , quiet, tired or irritable these days and I feel bad because I prob am not fun to be around. I m a burden now.

I think co-workers are just that: co-workers. From my experience, I believe that they dont care, as long as you dont rock the boat, as long as you do your work, that is all they care about. Most people do not understand depression and do not know how to deal with a depressed person.
Do what is right for you, you are important and you have to take good care of yourself.
This might sound harsh but I am really talking from experience, the workplace is a difficult place to be when suffering from depression!

Do you have a therapist? If so, have you talked to her/him about the atmosphere at work?

Good luck.

Hi, PattyD! Ah, coworkers and bosses - it's so much easier for people to deride than attempt to understand.

When I last worked, the knowledge I was being seen at a mental health clinic was impossible to hide. It damaged professional relationships from the start. My supervisors held me in suspicion and distrust. Ultimately, it contributed greatly to my decline and the end of my career. I do not have good memories of that time.
That's a good plan. As your mood and situation permit, you might attempt to toss a few smiles and kind comments at your coworkers regardless of how they've been treating you. If nothing else, that will contribute to your workplace "aura of mystery" and stimulate different treatment. If they begin to relate to you better, great. If worse, great -- document their behavior ("evidence of a hostile work environment") and send it up the chain.

I can totally relate to this. Over the past few weeks several colleagues have told me that I seem very down, and have lost my "spark", and dont seem interested in things. They see this is a very unsual for me as I always try and be a bubbly and happy as possible. HOwever, I havent had 1 day where I have felt happy since I have been working there (nearly 2 years). I feel exhausted with all the pretence that everything is ok, when it is soo not. When they told me (indivually) i felt so overcome with emotion that I just wanted to tell them how things really are. Not because I think they care enough to want to know, but because the pressure of being happy everyday is just getting too much.

As far as advice goes, I dont really have any im afraid. I have gone into myself somewhat since these comments, and I cannot summond the effort to pretend as much I have been doing. I suppose talking to T or someone close to you might help? (I dont have anyone else apart from T). I really feel from you and am going through the exact same thing at the moment. I hope things get better for you

I think it's important to remember that depression distorts our perceptions of people around us. We are more likely to assume people are giving us the cold shoulder when in reality they may not be.

I've found from experience that when people back off and seem elusive to your depressed moods, it's not because they don't care, it's actually because they care a great deal and are worried about you but don't know how to handle the situation or help. So they don't do anything at all out of fear of doing or saying something wrong and making you feel worse.