[ladycathy1]

Its almost Christmas and I have really tried to find something to be happy about. My sister and her family invited me to their house for Christmas dinner. I am supposed to go to a wedding on Sunday. I have bought McDonald's gift coupons for children. I bought candy canes and passed them out to others.
All I think about is the family I lost over the years. I am going to give up soon. The medication does not seem to be working. My family doctor does not want to change anything. I keep having nightmares when I sleep. I have been having headaches with right sided facial tingling and numbness. It then goes into dizziness and nausea. The doctor tells me it is stress. He wants me to eat a bland diet and get some rest. I have checked into therapy but I have to pay a spend down before medicaid pays anything. I don't know if medicare even pays. I know many others understand how deep this depression is. I feel like I am just making the motions of living-like my life is but a lie. The only decoration I put up was a ribbon with three bells on my front door.
I hope others can have a Happy Holiday even if I can't. Cathy

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by ladycathy1

I hope others can have a Happy Holiday even if I can't.

Very unselfish of you, Ladycathy1. May your good wishes for others open a door to happiness for you.

Originally Posted by ladycathy1

All I think about is the family I lost over the years.

Family lost? Lost to passing away or lost to estrangement?

Originally Posted by ladycathy1

I keep having nightmares when I sleep. I have been having headaches with right sided facial tingling and numbness. It then goes into dizziness and nausea. The doctor tells me it is stress.

Although your doctor may be correct, it is my personal observation that doctors develop pet, "fall back" diagnoses to save themselves time, effort and thought. It might be valuable for you to record every symptom in the best detail you can to present to your doctor or some other caregiver. If the situation permits (it may not), try to get a second opinion using collected data.

Hello, ladycathy. My thought is to get rid of that doctor and find someone who cares enough to help you. You should be seeing a psychiatrist. Your family doctor may be a swell person but you need a specialist. If there are support groups in your area, call to find out if they will assist you in getting a therapist.

Your doctor tells you it is stress and does not prescribe anything for stress? Please, ladycathy, get someone qualified to help you. Your deserve better.

Good luck.

[lonegael]

(((((lady Catharine))))))) It takes strength to go through the motions, and generally I don't advise people to fake feelings, but on the other hand, sometimes going through motions can help pull up the downward dive of a depression. It has something to do with the way the brain responds to certain actions we have, like smiling, posture, and so on. Sometimes, hard to believe as it may be, giving up faking actually can make things worse.
I'm sorry you fel so much loss right now. is there some way you can acknowledge or mourn those losses honestly for yourself? I found that if I take time every June to listen to a song that reminds me if a relative I lost, and just face and admit that loss anew, I tend not to have the major summer crash I usually have. I really hope that in spite of everything, you have a peacefull, gentle holiday that you can look back at without guiltor pain, dear. Hugggs and warm wishes.