[Naturefreak]

I am mad at the world for my problems. My attitude , which once was a good one , has gone bad. I don't understand why people do the things they do to hurt others , that includes me. I hate myself for being a part of the human race . I have lost all trust in people , even the ones that are trying to help me. This is going to get me NOWHERE. I am frustrated , angry , sick , weak , confused , full of nothing but negative thoughts.
I would be better off dead , but I don't want to die. I feel numb , lost , with nowhere to go but down in a bottomless pit. Most people here are good and hopefully can understand where I am coming from. I could ramble on for days on end and get NOWHERE . I am my own worst enemy.
I just wish I could see some light . Everything is dark , full of gloom and doom. I can't even enjoy a simple movie. What is wrong with me?

[GhostCat]

Hi Babysteps. Your name reminds me of what my doctors would always say to me "itty bitty baby steps" when I started to get fustrated thinking I wasn't progressing how I thought I "should".

For me, simple things always seem to make me happier. My pets always can cheer me up a bit, a nice walk in the snow.

I actually find trying to watch and focus on a movie a bit overwhelming too. I find I get confused of the plot at times which causes me fustration. Which is the last thing we need when we are already feeling low and depressed.

I try to think back to what I enjoy when I am not in the dark place. Just the simple things. A small craft project that I can actually finish and feel a sense of accomplishment. Playing a simple computer game to help me focus.

I have always found it is important during the dark times to now do anything that will cause me to feel further let down. So I keep my tasks simple.

Have you spoken to your doctors regarding your feelings? If not, that would I would strongly advise you to. Your meds might need adjusting, changed etc or your doctors can help you with coping skills.

It is an awful feeling and I can really relate. I hope you find even the simpliest thing you can enjoy.

All the best.

[Shangrala]

Chris~

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. And God knows how badly I feel for you because I can so relate. I'm there, as well. And I don't expect anyone to provide me the comfort I am in such dire need of. That can only come from within....and through the allowance of time and understanding.....I guess.

I'm generally a positive person. I usually see the good in anything. I'm normally the one who lightens the mood, the one who finds the cheer in even the worst case scenerios. The person who knows how to listen to those who need to express the anger and sorrow, (and relate), without trying to push the positive onto them...(as if they are not entitled to feel what they are feeling).
I accept without passing judgements....I think I do, anyway.

I've reached a point where I'm exhausted...emotionally. Despite my nature of the "ever so cheerful", the trials n tribulations of all this trauma that I've been through these past couple years have finally caught up to me. I'm wearing myself out trying to fool myself that I CAN be strong....or that I AM succeeding...or that there IS hope.

I feel alone, even though I am not alone. I am definately lonely.
I have arms to hold me in my time of dispair...but they are not the arms I long for. The ONLY person I long for is so unaccessable that it hurts to even think about it. Yet, I can't help BUT to.

Sigh.
I'm sorry, Chris. This reply of mine is no where near encouraging.
I, too, can go on forever with the sorrowful blah's of mine....no point, tho.

Wish I could at least sit next to you...offer you a smile and a shoulder and even an ear, if you needs.
All I can offer is text.....and a pixel or two>>>

Hang on, Chris. It's bout all we can do.....huh?

Much loves~
Mary

So, we now know more of the negatives in your life. What are the positives?

[NuckingFutz]

Walking into the thread and sits down with Chris and Mary and waits for some light...

[pegasus]

So you feel you are getting nowhere. How about writing a list of things that you can possibly change. A list of things you'd like to try in the future. From reading your threads you are in an unhappy home situation. The environment we live in is so important to our mental health. Could you maybe think about moving out of the environment you are in? Are there any hobbies you'd like to try? Could you volunteer somewhere? Food for thought...

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

Chris~

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. And God knows how badly I feel for you because I can so relate. I'm there, as well. And I don't expect anyone to provide me the comfort I am in such dire need of. That can only come from within....and through the allowance of time and understanding.....I guess.

I'm generally a positive person. I usually see the good in anything. I'm normally the one who lightens the mood, the one who finds the cheer in even the worst case scenerios. The person who knows how to listen to those who need to express the anger and sorrow, (and relate), without trying to push the positive onto them...(as if they are not entitled to feel what they are feeling).
I accept without passing judgements....I think I do, anyway.

I've reached a point where I'm exhausted...emotionally. Despite my nature of the "ever so cheerful", the trials n tribulations of all this trauma that I've been through these past couple years have finally caught up to me. I'm wearing myself out trying to fool myself that I CAN be strong....or that I AM succeeding...or that there IS hope.

I feel alone, even though I am not alone. I am definately lonely.
I have arms to hold me in my time of dispair...but they are not the arms I long for. The ONLY person I long for is so unaccessable that it hurts to even think about it. Yet, I can't help BUT to.

Sigh.
I'm sorry, Chris. This reply of mine is no where near encouraging.
I, too, can go on forever with the sorrowful blah's of mine....no point, tho.

Wish I could at least sit next to you...offer you a smile and a shoulder and even an ear, if you needs.
All I can offer is text.....and a pixel or two>>>

Hang on, Chris. It's bout all we can do.....huh?

Much loves~
Mary

Thanks so much MaryYou really don't know how much I appreciate your efforts and I hope your life gets better with each passing day.
I wish I could say more but I don't have the words right now. Hugs & luvs back Chris

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

So, we now know more of the negatives in your life. What are the positives?

The Byzantine(what is a byzantine anyway?) Thank you.
The positives are there but they are hidden in the shadows of the negatives, have been for years.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Walking into the thread and sits down with Chris and Mary and waits for some light...

NuckingFutz Not going to try to figure out your name . I get it. Not that you are . lol. Thanks for sitting down while I was laying down , but to know you were there is enough for me.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by pegasus

So you feel you are getting nowhere. How about writing a list of things that you can possibly change. A list of things you'd like to try in the future. From reading your threads you are in an unhappy home situation. The environment we live in is so important to our mental health. Could you maybe think about moving out of the environment you are in? Are there any hobbies you'd like to try? Could you volunteer somewhere? Food for thought...

PegThanks so much for your reply . All of your suggestions would seem reasonable to the average person in need. But I'm a hard case to figure out. I just don't know, even though you are trying to tell me.

[Berries]

(((((((((((Babysteps)))))))))))

[lonegael]

((((((Babysteps)))))))). I hope in a little time it will get easier to sort out what's going on for you. Being mad at the whole world sounds pretty darn big... Huggs, and I like your snakey cat!

[Shangrala]

Btw, Chris......

Yes, I was able to read your sig without difficulty.....lol....
Guess that makes us more similiar than I first thought....lmao....(that's a good thing, btw......I can't think of a better person to be similar to).

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Babysteps

...I'm a hard case to figure out.

Yes, your waters run deep, Babysteps. I can hardly fathom my own, much less yours.

You're "mad at the world," yet you take the time to offer affirming, comforting comments. The anger is real, so is the caring. You're not one-dimensional.

When the day of joy arrives, may it be as deep as you are.