[thunderbear]

Every single day I sit and think what a horrible mother/wife I am. Because I don't interact that much with my family. And I say I will do something then get sidetracked and not do it. And I don't do much in the bedroom department well not as much as when my husband and I first got together but I think thats normal after being with someone for 9 years. It's just the guilt over it. I just don't feel like I am doing enough for my family. I can't work right now. I want to but I can't really see myself driving all the way to the city everyday and being away from home right now. I alsoo feel guilty because my son is starting to shun his schoolwork. I have tried and tried to talk to him about it but he don't listen. I sit around alot and get lost in my head, which I know is not good for me. I'm not sad just I feel worhtless and bad. I don't hate myself I just wish I could be better than I am right now. I don't have any friends irl. I have wonderful friends on PC that I care about, but the only time I communticate with my family is on facebook. I just don't like them f2f. They get on my nerves. Then I feel guilty about that. My house is a wreck. Mabye I am just lazy. IDK

Negative chatter and guilt certainly are depressing. You are already making a to do list. Each time you talk yourself into guilt, perhaps you can do one thing that will make your life better? You might even want to look into a mirror and tell yourself you are a good person. In my view, getting better is in the doing.

Good luck.

[lonegael]

First, not always being best friend with your familyis fine. We are all so different, and shared blood doens't always lead to shared hearts. also, it takes so much energy to sit and think about what is wrong with oneself, afterwards I'm not ready for much. Huggs hon, maybe just getting up and doing something, anythin, no matter how silly or short it might be, can help somewhat.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by lonegael

...shared blood doens't always lead to shared hearts.

- Worth repeating and highlighting!

Thunderbear, I find so many things in your post with which I can identify that it's almost triggering. I've been dancing around attempting an uplifting reply and I'm not sure I can produce one.

My "blessed curse" here is blunted emotion. I strongly disapprove of who I've become, but my emptiness and ever-wandering mind interfere with that strong self-disapproval's ability to generate negative, self-hating emotions.

- Trigger -

Personally, I doubt you would rank high on the yardstick of "horrible" motherhood. If you have the stomach for it, take a look at the results of this Google search: "maternal filicide".